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    #1

    Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

    Last week my wife comes over, sets on my lap, she said, "I'm really scared" . I asked what the problem was? "We work so hard for retirement and I'm scared you won't be there to enjoy it." I asked why, (I knew the answer), and it was what I thought, my drinking.

    See, my wife never wants for anything. She wears no makeup, never goes "shopping". We live a very comfortable life. We make a very good living at what we do now. But this BROKE MY HEART! I didn't think she noticed.

    About 15 yrs ago my dream ended. I was a musician. Practiced 6, 8, 12, hours a day and when that ended I was devastated. I was playing stadiums, had a bus, the whole nine yards. I felt alive then. But after it ended, I felt like I had laid my soul down to die.(excuse?)

    After that I needed something to take up my time, so I went to college. Got a degree in electronics, worked on the first blu-tooth with Intel and Tokyo Electronics, then went to refurbishing MRI machines and wound up being a mechanic. Go figure. All the time drinking more and more.

    Now I drink about a gallon of whiskey a week. I'm the life of the party, always happy, so it seems. Never miss a day of work, always in control. (so it seemed).

    Haven't started the program yet. Getting ready to do a 3500 mile motorcycle ride. Funny thing I don't drink when I ride. Why is that? (I am your stereotypical biker, 6' 200lbs Harley rider, I'm cool I will write a journal from now till I start. I hope this is the place for me.

    Thanks for reading all this. Everyone has a story, so different but yet so similar.
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    #2
    Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

    Welcome Panhead! I lurked around this site for a few years until I registered recently. Today is my 22nd day alcohol free (AF). Like you, my hubby was worried about my drinking. There was nothing more heartbreaking to me than to think I was hurting him. MWO has been a godsend for me. I hope it will be the same for you. There are some awesome people here. Check out the Newbie post and enjoy the support. You can do this!!

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      #3
      Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

      Thank you Ginger999. I thought no one would reply. I will hole heartedly do this. I am ready. I am to the point where I have the "whiskey shakes". I am mad at myself every morning for I know that I drank too much the night before. I am trying to reduce my drinking by keeping busy. We will see. Thanks for the support.

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        #4
        Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

        Nothing worse than waking up and feeling like crap with a topping of good old fashioned guilt. We are lucky we have family that loves us and wants to see us around a good long time! Could be worse - right? Poke around some of the other sites and don't be afraid to post to them. Everyone here is so welcoming.

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          #5
          Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

          panhead;1665023 wrote: Thank you Ginger999. I thought no one would reply. I will whole heartedly do this. I am ready. I am to the point where I have the "whiskey shakes". I am mad at myself every morning for I know that I drank too much the night before. I am trying to reduce my drinking by keeping busy. We will see. Thanks for the support.
          To my wife: With my whole heart I will be deserving of your love.

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            #6
            Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

            Hi Panhead!
            Welcome to MWO. We're here for the same reason you are...to quit drinking and have a better and healthier life. Check out the Newbie's Nest for support and encouragement. The toolbox is another great read when you have a chance. Did you make a plan to quit and a plan on what will take the place of your drinking time? Stuff to think about. Both the toolbox and Newbie's Nest are in my signature. Good luck to you.
            Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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              #7
              Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

              What a great motivation to do this, we all have different stories and different reason, but all have the same goal, and so many success stories - you can do this and you have taken the first step.
              As j-vo tells you - take a look into the tool box, and the newbies nest - there is so much help and support here.
              We look forward to getting to know you - :welcome:
              “The only courage you will ever need is the courage to live the life you want"

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                #8
                Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

                Thanks everyone. I have never reached for help before. Always thought I could do this on my own. (big biker macho me) I have been on the Newbies but have not posted. I will be looking at the toolbox. To have so many responses so far is very heart warming. When I read the book, especially the diary part, I could relate so much. No one knows what we go through, sometimes I think I should have been an actor instead of a musician. Thanks again everyone.

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                  #9
                  Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

                  Welcome PH. It always makes me happy when people come to MWO before they have done serious damage to their life. You have been through the death of one dream and I can only imagine how devastating that must have been, but it sounds like you still have much to be thankful for...a successful career, a supportive and loving wife...and a Harley

                  My story is a bit different...I waited too long before asking for help and lost just about everything and everyone I cared about. So, my advice is always the same - it's much harder to repair things than to be careful not to break them in the first place. So I'm very glad you found us, and are taking the first steps now while you still have a firm foundation. You are definitely on the right path.

                  The people here are very welcoming, non-judgmental and caring. They've lifted me up when I didn't think I could do it. So keep posting - write that journal - and we'll be here to listen. Nice to meet you.
                  Everything is going to be amazing

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

                    Thank you Miss Rose. Many years ago I too lost everything. I had nothing. I was very young and found myself seeping in alleyways in Texas, hoping the police would come by and put me in jail for a warm place to sleep. At that time I was addicted to about everything I could get my hands on. Long story short, cops, very short time in jail, (thanks dad), had to promise to leave county and never come back. I have never done another illegal drug since. So that is why I think I can kick the alcohol craving. See for me it is not the buzz or the drunk that I like, it is the flavor of Whiskey or Bourbon that I like. Could that be an excuse? and maybe I do like the buzz? I guess It's time to find out. Thanks for the response, and I wish you and everyone the continuous success of AF.

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                      #11
                      Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

                      Sorry MossRose. Misp your name . Please forgive me.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

                        Hello & welcome panhead

                        As you can see, I've been around MWO for quite some time. I kicked AL out of my life 5+ years ago & I am sure that you can do it too!!!
                        This site provided lots of support for me when I really needed it & now I am trying to help others along when I can

                        Definitely drop in the Newbies Nest & say hello. The Tool box is huge, stuffed full of great ideas to help you put your plan together. You can do this, we've got your back

                        Wishing you the best!

                        Lav
                        AF since 03/26/09
                        NF since 05/19/09
                        Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

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                          #13
                          Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

                          ok - the "thanks dad" comment made me laugh, even though your story is heartbreaking. Hang in there. If you have been through all that, you can do this. Oh and btw...listen to Lav. She is one of the MWO angels who sticks around to help the rest of us. Whatever she says is golden. When she speaks, I listen!
                          Everything is going to be amazing

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

                            Welcome to MWO Panhead...I didn't read others responses to your post yet...I do that and then they usually say what I wanted to say and I don't end up writing much at all, so I just wanted to read your first post and wholeheartedly reply.

                            I think it's a good thing that your wife brought up her worries to you...and that she shows concern. There are many people that are in relationships and one person drinks and the other really doesn't do much about it...or they do in the beginning and they gave up...so they either enable, or really just don't much care what happens anymore because they feel like it won't change a damn thing. So it's a positive thing that your wife see's what is going on, and is concerned. It's also a good thing that you want to quit for her....but you need to also want to do it for yourself.

                            Will read on the rest of the posts now.

                            What struck me is that you said that you like the taste of the alcohol that you drink - and you question yourself whether that is just an excuse. Only you can really answer that, but I know that in the midst of my addiction I would make excuses (for myself) just to keep drinking or keep the possibility of drinking open. I said I liked the taste of wine...yea right, that's why I almost puked and made atrocious faces every single time I took the first few sips.
                            Okay...gulps, not sips.
                            I quickly realized that it wasn't the taste...the taste was crap...I just liked the high...I liked the numbness...and I liked the fact that no matter what happened...alcohol just took all my crap away...unfortunately, that only lasted until my next morning.

                            There are so many supportive people on here. You can definitely do this. Post lots and check out those other threads that everyone suggested. Do this for your wife, and most of all, do it for yourself.
                            Take care.

                            -Bri.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Wake Up D@#$'t. Long Post

                              What a wonderful caring husband you are! I just wanted to add my "welcome" and support - stick around, read read, post post - you won't be sorry!

                              :welcome:

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