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Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

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    #1

    Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

    Here I am again.

    Mr. I can do it on my own.

    Mr. alcohol doesn't affect me.

    Well, after a horrendous weekend on booze and narcotics, I am back to day one.

    It's as if nothing is real when I go on a binge. Reality melts. Time disappears. It is not me.

    And then I sober up.

    So, I'm back and I am going to pop in here on a daily basis again. That's how I hit my streak before.

    So, Londoner is back.

    Hope you are all well and we can crack on together
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    #2
    Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

    Welcome, Londoner. I saw your post in the roll call and thought my God, his signature line could be mine except replace silently with clearly and 10 years with 40. Sad. I wish I had had your awareness at your age. How long were you AF when you were on this board? I reached just over 30 days a few months ago for the first time and now am on day 11. I feel so much better, so much happier when I don't drink. I agree that posting and reading daily on this site is a game changer.

    Anyway, welcome, and looking forward to seeing you here.
    You had the power all along, my dear.

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      #3
      Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

      Hey

      My record was just shy of 80 days I believe.

      I'm trying to get away from the mindset of good and bad. Right and wrong.

      I want to live a life that feels true to myself.

      And drinking in excess doesn't do that for me. It closes me off.

      And being closed off doesn't feel right.

      There's a reason I drink myself into oblivion. There is some inadequacy I am covering up for.

      I am getting into meditation now, as I look to take myself forward in life.

      And not away.

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        #4
        Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

        Good to see you, Londoner.

        It sounds like you've added meditation to your plan. It's good to change one of the variables when a plan doesn't go the way you want. How is your diet protocol going?

        All the best, NS

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          #5
          Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

          hey Londoner!!
          wondered where you'd been. I had just bumped up an old thread of yours to see if you were around and what happened. Glad to see you're back.
          Sam
          Liberated 5/11/2013

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            #6
            Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

            Welcome back, Londoner. Glad you returned.

            Pav

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              #7
              Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

              Welcome back Londoner, good to have you here again.

              Comment

                #8
                Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

                Thanks guys.

                The weekend was a real low. Partying for about 40 hours non stop.

                My mind, health and bank balance are all paying the price now.

                I believe I have some sort of personality disorder - and hope that meditation can help me pave a new path in life.

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                  #9
                  Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

                  Oh I know that feeling all too well. The only thing that helps me get back to sanity is putting it back in order on paper and/or spreadsheets. (the latter for figuring out my bank) Glad you made it back to us.

                  What makes you wonder about a personality disorder? Granted most psychological issues, especially un-diagnosed, can have some component of substance abuse. Is there any psych issues in your family?
                  “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                  "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                  Newbies Nest
                  Newbies Nest Roll Call
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                    #10
                    Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

                    Orimus;1665937 wrote: Oh I know that feeling all too well. The only thing that helps me get back to sanity is putting it back in order on paper and/or spreadsheets. (the latter for figuring out my bank) Glad you made it back to us.

                    What makes you wonder about a personality disorder? Granted most psychological issues, especially un-diagnosed, can have some component of substance abuse. Is there any psych issues in your family?
                    Depression and substance abuse.

                    Just been reading up on avoidant personality disorder, and a lot of seems true. Although, I believe a diagnosis can control you.

                    It's all in perception and mindset.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

                      London lovely to have you back. One day at a time, dont worry about too much at first (ie: personality disorders, diet, exercise) just worry about yourself and healing. Eat, sleep and recover the rest will be there when you are in a better mindset.

                      I suffered from depression, 15+ years and now gone. How did i achieve that? i gave up alcohol.
                      Anxiety, 15+ years, was getting worse in the last couple of years and now nearly gone. How did i achieve that? I gave up alcohol.

                      I am an alcoholic London, plain and simple, just like you are and all of us on MWO, otherwise we would not be here. You know the drill, you have been here and done it. You used to post daily, twice daily and it was always a joy to read your posts and see how far you had come. You can do this again but only you can do this with lots of love and support thrown in. What more could you ask for?

                      Oh i used to put any pill or smoke anything that came my way, life of the party etc but you know what those drugs were easy to stop, al was the bitch!
                      AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

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                        #12
                        Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

                        Londoner, I have kept up with you on your journey while here on MWO. I have watched a LOT of journeys as I travel my own path here. Over and over I see folks blaming other things for why they feel bad. I blamed my mother (dead 30 years) I blamed my boss (idiot), I blamed my job, I blamed the guy who puts cheese on the nachos at the ball games. I was blaming any and every body for my problems but it ALL BOILED DOWN TO ALCOHOL.
                        When you were AF back a few months ago, you felt GREAT, you were energetic and optimistic. You don't have a personality disorder, you are an alcoholic, like me. Being a recovering alkie isn't the worst thing, NOT being one is! Before you bash yourself up for having a personality disorder, let's get this AL thing out of the way, and see where the chips fall. You are a charming, engaging, caring and energetic man, don't sell yourself short! AL is the problem!!! If I can help you in any way, just let me know!! I will give you my cell phone number and you call or text me if you feel wobbly. I know if an old hag like me can get sober, a young strapping buck like you can, too!!
                        Let me know how I can help!!! Byrdie
                        All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                        Tool Box
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                          #13
                          Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

                          Cross post, Ava....but same message!! Bah!!! xxoo, B
                          All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                          Tool Box
                          Newbie's Nest

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                            #14
                            Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

                            This is why i love you Byrd. I did NOT get to where i am today without your guidance and wisdom, which i hope i can pass on also.

                            My advice London is take Ms old haggard, beautiful, wonderful, terrific, fantastic, sexylicious Byrd up on her help, you will never ever ever regret that decision as i certainly dont.
                            AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

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                              #15
                              Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

                              Londoner I am really happy to see you. I was thinking about you the other day, wondering how you were.
                              I know the binge partying. That horrible feeling when the party stops and you try to recover. Yuck. I too thought I had mental issues, nope just al. Oh I'm still crazy.....
                              You never have to feel this way again. And you have lots of friends willing to help and support you.
                              A wise woman once told me "The same amount of time passes whether you work to improve your life, or you remain stagnant"
                              :l
                              No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

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