Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

[j-vo]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Welcome back Londoner,

You will rack up the days here, and your inadequacies will disappear. I'm far from perfect after putting in lots of AF time since October, but what I've noticed is a huge change in my confidence, reduction in my severe anxiety and depression, and just an overall change for the better in my life. Glad you're back.

[Londoner]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Thanks a lot for all of the comments guys.

The last month or two has been a blur - this tends to happen when I let AL take hold of my social life on the weekends.

I live a double life - I tell white lies to cover my tracks.

The fact is, it makes me feel guilty. And I believe, deep down you know something isn't right if it makes you feel that way.

So today, I start afresh.

The plan is plenty of nutritious food.

Daily meditation.

Exercise.

Good sleep.

That is stage one.

Stage 2 is to build a social life that does not revolve around booze.

And the build my business.

And then to look to find a loving relationship.

It all starts here today. I've had fun doing it. But it ultimately has all been a lie. The things I have said and done when drunk are not truth. They are not me.

[available]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

You can do this London, you have before. One day at a time is all you can do. Be kind and gentle to yourself and please post on here daily to keep accountable.

[Guitarista]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Good stuff Londoner.

Welcome back. Kick some arse.

G bloke.

[j-vo]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Hi London,
Your plan is a good one. Don't worry about stage 2 and 3 until much later. Concentrate on yourself and not drinking. That's all you have to do! I know it sounds like so little, but it's a lot. I hope you hang out in the nest a lot.

[Byrdlady]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Hey L!
All you gotta do, is get thru THIS day! GREAT to see you, hugs, Byrdie

[Rahulthesweet]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Welcome back London,

You have a solid plan. Dont get depressed because you relapsed. Learn from the experience and make corrections. Dont blame yourself or any of wild disease or disorder which u may or may not have. The problem is alcohol and not you. Stay on course ...

[Booze Blues]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Hi Londoner! Welcome Back! Sounds like great advice that I will take for myself as well! I?m a bit of a newbee and although I wasn?t af as long as you my 23 days were a bit of an investment as well and am a bit pissed off to begin again at day 1. Anyway, thanks for posting. Take comfort in knowing how your post has helped many and think of all the people here routing for you. You can do it!

[Petrelhead]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Hi Londoner, some great advice there from those who know. Definitely don't beat yourself up over falling over. Just did it myself.

We're ahead of the game more than most drinkers. We are on this site, accept we have a problem and attempting to do something about it.

I agree with Jane, in that we should focus on what really hurt us, and remember how much it hurt us. For me it was anxiety and depression. All the psychological pain.

So London and BB, I see we are off to a new start. Let's stick it out.

Stay strong.

[Myluck]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Hey Londoner, just came by send saw your post. Good that you recognize the need and keep coming back. You can do it.

[Londoner]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Thanks for all of the kind words of support guys.

I really feel choked up with all the love that people can give on here. I think a lot of us live this life in silence in the 'real world'. I know no one knows the extent of my drinking.

I have to admit I have a problem. Going 2 days without eating. Becoming paranoid. Spending ?500 on a night out. That is not normal behaviour.

The world you get sucked into makes it seem normal - as everyone around you is doing it.

This weekend just gone showed me in a true sense what a lie I have been living. Everything that happens when I am on a bender is almost not reality. I am really not there when I am wasted. Everything is like a lucid dream.

This weekend, s**t got real. And showed me that I do not belong in that World.

Have I had fun? Yes. Is my ego driven mind making me feel like I am going to miss out? yes.

The first month is essential for all of us IMO.

After that the World starts to be seen in full colour again.

Until then it is a struggle. Day by day.

I'm hoping my meditation practice can help my confront everything that I have supressed over the last decade. I know there is a lot of hurt covered up.

Life is just round the corner. But it is a long sweeping corner, on a wet day that needs patience and diligence to be manouvered safely.

I will be checking in each day on here.

With the World Cup coming up, it will be a great time to challenge myself. Stop living up to what others expect of me, and start living with what agrees with my soul.

AL has made me stumble upon a more spiritual route in life, and I know you need troubles to help you further yourself in life. I truly believe, AL is the thing that will be the cause of my awakening.

This ego needs to die.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Londoner,

If you can suppress the drinking ego, you will find a kinder better version of you, in the shadows, ready to lead your life.

Jane.... thank you for your gut wrenching, passionate post. :l Patty

[Kailey]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

jane27;1669928 wrote: I didn't plan to quit drinking on January 7 2014. What happened? I got absolutely the fuck exasperated with feeling sick all the time. For at least a year and a half I had a fever every single day. Every morning I felt like Mike Tyson was using my heart as a speed bag. I was hot all the time, tired all the time, aching everywhere all the time, sweating, exhausted- in the end I was having violent nightmares. Shame and depression were like comic books compared to how crummy I felt physically. Never in one trillion years would I have thought I'd point to feeling like hell as being a major reason I quit drinking. I had other reasons, but they were sort of like shards of broken plate. Feeling like shit turned out to be the glue that help me put them together and made them whole. I never, ever want to forget how shitty I felt. I think about it every day.

I believe you now have the single most important thing you need in order to quit drinking and that is, how desperately shitty, jangled and lost you feel now. Every quit needs a heart. Could this be yours?

This strikes such a chord with me, Jane. This captures exactly how I felt yesterday. I will use it to propel me forward. Londoner, let's get through day 2 together.

[halo]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Byrdlady;1666417 wrote: Over and over I see folks blaming other things for why they feel bad. I blamed my mother (dead 30 years) I blamed my boss (idiot), I blamed my job, I blamed the guy who puts cheese on the nachos at the ball games. I was blaming any and every body for my problems but it ALL BOILED DOWN TO ALCOHOL.
Byrdie

Byrdie, always funny and always enlightening!!!

Wishing you well Londoner....I find I always slip off the tracks when away from MWO, posting often helped me tremendously...here's to you getting your 80 days AF again and MORE :l

[halo]

Back Again - Only I Can Take Charge

Reading your posts Londoner I thought of my favourite Bob Marley quote:

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"

Here's to kicking your ego to the curb!