Day 1...again and again

[Hopeful mom]

Sadly, this is the first time I've logged in since May of 2013. It is encouraging to read the posts of folks who have been AF for some time. I haven't gone longer than a week in I don't even know how many years. I usually drink several times a week; and drink until I fall asleep or black out. Wine is my drink of choice; and I know that its slowly killing me. At least once a week I tell myself that I really want to quit and THIS is the day. I've done more shameful things when drinking than imaginable. I've gone to AA meetings and I just don't feel like I fit in. I've tried Baclofen, but never reached the place where I had no desire to drink. I'm open for any suggestions...I really need to figure this out and get my life back!!

[Orimus]

Day 1...again and again

What matters Hopeful is that you came back. Perhaps for you, like me, it's time to revise plans and this is a good place to do it. Check out the links below. The toolbox can help fill in or reinforce the plan you have to stay sober and the Newbies Nest is a good place for encouragement and support. We can do this and find a brand new sober lifestyle.

What have you tried in your previous efforts towards sobriety?

[Hopeful mom]

Day 1...again and again

Thanks for the information Orimus. I've tried AA, Baclofen, and Antabuse. I drank during all of them, knowing that is was dangerous with Antabuse. I never reached the place where I didn't want to drink with Baclofen. I just ran out of it and didn't get more. I used one of those online pharmacies, which was expensive. I quit my job to take time to work on me (worked in the mental health field with children/teenagers.) Of course, my family doesn't understand why I just don't quit drinking alcohol. If only it were that easy. I don't like the person that I am when I'm drinking. I make drunk calls, texts, and Facebook messages. Oftentimes I try to anger others when I'm drunk...no idea why! I've been depressed for some time, and would prefer to just stay home and not interact much with others. Reading is my escape.

[Orimus]

Day 1...again and again

What have you done to change your lifestyle? I hear you when you say you quit your job to take time to focus on you but what changes did you make during that time towards a sober lifestyle? Don't get me wrong this is something I'm still struggling with - committing to the lifestyle changes and breaking the alcoholic habits and patterns. How's your diet? Do you exercise much? How much sunlight do you get?

[Hopeful mom]

Day 1...again and again

Wow, really good questions! Looks like I have a lot of things to work on. I try to work out; but not consistently. No diet changes. Thanks for the food for thought!

[available]

Day 1...again and again

Hi Mom and welcome. I never thought i could get 6 months af after being a 2 bottle a day drinker, 7 days a week but if you want to give up then you have to put in the hard work. post on here daily or twice daily, get all al out of the house and buy lots of sweet food. Our bodies seem to crave sugar for awhile. Do not worry about anything except stopping drinking for that day. Everything else will come slowly back into your life. If you dont want to do anything then dont, be gentle to yourself, if you want to sleep the sleep but do not buy al. Change your routine so that you stay away from your al shop. The first few weeks are hard but with grit and determination it can be done. I posted like a lunatic for weeks and watched al movies and documentaries and cleaned. I told myself that for this day i would not drink and see how i felt the next. We can only do one day at a time and it is our choice at the end of the day to drink or not.

Best of luck and getting rid of al can be done. I had had enough of hitting the repeat button daily and life being af is so much better. I will never take that first drink again.

[bkyogagurl]

Day 1...again and again

Hi Hope...

At least you are thinking about it... And trying. Don't ever stop trying...
It's such a hard battle.. There are so many variables that play into drinking.
And it's so dang hard to stop. Stay close and keep posting people here are great and will
Help if you let them.

[martye]

Day 1...again and again

Hopefull Mom -

Why dont we change your name to Successful Mom I have found in my time sober (over a year after drinking 24 beers a night for 15 years) is that mindset is the key!

Why have the mindset of "I am hopeful I will not drink again. How about you try a mindset of "I will not drink again" There is no hope involved. I know you can do it and a change of mindset helped me a lot.

Sorry if this post is blunt. I had a break from these forums as I was to blunt for some people although I just say it as I see it

Most important thing is this community is always here as a source of success and victory!

[guapo]

Day 1...again and again

martye;1668515 wrote: Hopefull Mom -


Why have the mindset of "I am hopeful I will not drink again. How about you try a mindset of "I will not drink again" There is no hope involved. I know you can do it and a change of mindset helped me a lot.

Most important thing is this community is always here as a source of success and victory!

I probably don't belong here, since I'm actually drinking moderately, usually under 15 drinks a month, and not having any problems with it.

I will say, that I agree with the quote above, (and I drank that much or more for even longer).
So I say I will never abuse alcohol like that again, and since I believe it, it is coming true

Anyways, I've educated myself a lot in the last nine months on the Internet, with books, these forums etc., and I discover a little bit more every day., It all adds up to being pretty helpful, but it takes a LOT of time.

So much time, that at the end of the day, I either forgot, or didn't take the time to drink !!

[wagmore]

Day 1...again and again

Hopeful mom;1668389 wrote: Sadly, this is the first time I've logged in since May of 2013. It is encouraging to read the posts of folks who have been AF for some time. I haven't gone longer than a week in I don't even know how many years. I usually drink several times a week; and drink until I fall asleep or black out. Wine is my drink of choice; and I know that its slowly killing me. At least once a week I tell myself that I really want to quit and THIS is the day. I've done more shameful things when drinking than imaginable. I've gone to AA meetings and I just don't feel like I fit in. I've tried Baclofen, but never reached the place where I had no desire to drink. I'm open for any suggestions...I really need to figure this out and get my life back!!

Hi HM,

Glad to see you posting here - that's a step toward your goal. A couple of things that really helped me get past Day One:

1. Lists. I made lists of the "benefits" of drinking (mainly numbness or escape from uncomfortable feelings), "costs" of drinking (financial, social, professional, health/fitness/weight, lost or missed opportunities, lost friends/relationships, etc - a very long list), things I could do with the money and time I'd get from not drinking, and so on. It really spelled it out for me. I did this while sober so that the lie of alcohol couldn't trick me into listing false benefits.

2. Mentally making alcohol non-negotiable, period. As long as I left the door cracked open for alcohol, I wouldn't make it more than a few days before I'd find some reason or excuse to drink. Now, I have adopted the mindset that it's just not negotiable. This stops the debate in my head, the waffling, the ruminating. I still experience all of my triggers, I just don't get into an internal conversation (justification) with myself that leads to drinking. I still struggle, a lot some days, but it's a heck of a lot easier since I've drawn a line in the sand and made alcohol non-negotiable.

As others have asked, what have you tried? I'm not talking about meds, but more about thought processes or tools that help you develop new patterns, habits, skills?

Do check out the toolbox here and come over to the newbies nest - great support.

[j-vo]

Day 1...again and again

Hopeful Mom,

If you're lurking, and I bet you are, please visit the Newbies Nest and stay put in there for awhile. It's a great place to begin your AF journey, to begin to string days together to make weeks to make months. You said you like to read? There are so many great memoirs of people that have kicked drink's ass. Just google and you'll see. I love to read those types of books as they're so personal and inspirational.

I did the same as you. I went the AA route for 6 months about three years ago, then decided I didn't like it, tried to moderate, and you probably know how that ended. I tried baclofen, but my situation was that I was so tired from the pills and was seeing no difference or indifference as they say.

I'm back here on MWO, and if you see my start date, that was after I'd lurked here for a good year or so. But what I know now is that it takes lots of time and work to become a sober person, to be a recovering person. It takes connections with others who have the same issue with alcohol. It takes giving to others who need help. It takes learning everything you can, and it can be as simple as not picking up that first drink.

Anyone with an alcohol problem knows your pain. We all have the same symptoms. Some of us get it under control in time and others don't. It's like any disease. If it's not attended to, it'll kill ya. This is why you see so many different types of support groups. Those for breast cancer, those for diabetes, those for smoking cessation, and those like MWO. Because we need each other. We need to communicate and tell our stories of what works and how we feel. Just recently, I let things really get inside my head and stay there. That made me really wobbly. I know what I can't do. I can't let those things fester inside my head. Nope. I need to come here. I need to let those other things that don't matter go.

I hope you plan to stay at MWO and join in the Newbie's Nest. Take care.

jvo

[Hopeful mom]

Day 1...again and again

Thanks everyone. I will continue to visit the Newbie's nest. I do need you, and I am going to succeed this time!!

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Day 1...again and again

Hopeful Mom....

I went back and read some of your posts from 2012.... for you have been here for a long time, looking for day 1.

Wonderful thread! I am still carrying that guilt because I have not been sober long enough to forgive myself. I'm on day 1...again! I haven't gone longer than a week AF in probably 6 years. I have GOT to quit allowing my mind to trick me into thinking that I can drink one or two glasses of wine! I will not drink today...I want to get healthy and find the person that I used to like! I want to be the mom my children deserve, and the wife I used to be! Very imperfect, but sober!

"I have not been sober long enough to forgive myself"... well Mom, here is the deal. Do you really want to be the healthy person that you used to be? I say this, because I am like you, but probably a little older. The fact is that my boys, at ages 16 and 18, never knew what it was like to have sober parents. :no:

Alcohol was more important to me.
What kind of a role model was I?
(Sound familiar?)

Hopeful Mom, there is no re-wind button in life, but sadly, you have been hitting the re-wind button about your alcohol use for years. You are giving wine the power to NOT forgive yourself. Seriously, you are letting a liquid substance define you who are?

With that being said, there IS Hope. But you, my friend, YOU must make the first step. Look in your heart and tell yourself,
"It's time for me to forgive myself.
If my child made a mistake, I would continue to love him.
Unconditionally. No strings attached.
For he is my child, and I would do anything in my power to make his life happier.

I have been unfair to me.
I love me.
I will do anything in my power to make my life happier.
I am forgiven."

Hopeful Mom, I'm not on here all of the time, but there are some strong role models on here, like ByrdLady, who will help guide you....IF you want to be helped.
You know your first step, my friend. :h
Is it scary? Hell, yes.
But is it worth it?
Without a doubt. :l

I'm new at this... 4 months is all.... of being alcohol free. I'm not an expert.
I cannot guarantee that in 1 year I will have "16 months" of sobriety. But that is not my focus:
Today is my day of no re-winds. I can tell you that my children are happier children. My household has more stability. I'm a better version of me. The Love that I envisioned in my family, as a young teenager, before life got in the way... well, it's finally here, Hopeful. The payoff of being there for my children is priceless. There is no room for alcohol in my life today, and life is better. Life has hope.

Sweet, Dear Hopeful... It is time. You are forgiven. Try.

:groupluv: There are a lot of us like you, here, willing to support you. Patty

[Mootsbill]

Day 1...again and again

Hi mom

Hi honey, I feel your pain. Alcohol is insidious and we all desperately try to drink carefully but for me at least it was never going to happen in fact it was getting worse. I tried everything I could throw at it, lifestyle changes, health changes, I'm a fitness instructor so exercised all the time!
I have been sober now for over a year, I'm in AA and staying sober one day at a time, I've worked the steps and my life is a bloody sight better than it was. I also try and eat healthy, read lots and be good to myself and other people, if you don't like the idea of AA have you thought about at least taking a spiritual approach to it?
I try and remember it's a habit and habits can always be broken.
Good luck xxx