The Morning After

[azcrazy]

I've been lurking here for awhile and decided to post.

Went on a bender yesterday. Another night of passing out. Getting drunk in front of my five year old, who calls it "when mommy gets sleepy." I am not hungover, just shakey and feeling like shit emotionally.

I have the CD's the books, and the meds...I just haven't done anything with them. I know what I need to do, but I am scared. Scared that I won't be fun anymore. Scared that I won't have something to help me when I get so stressed out. There is a part of me that is detached - Like I'm going to wake up and actually feel the impact of the horrible things I have been doing, which makes me want to stay numb and drink.

I'm hoping that by being honest here, it will make me more accountable for my actions. I know all of the right things to do and I have the tools, but I feel like I'm two different people. For today, I am going to take my meds, drink some detox tea and go to bed early.

I sound so messed up. I guess I really am. Thanks for letting me post.
Azcrazy

[ducky]

The Morning After

Hey Az,

Glad you posted. If you have been reading you will see that what you are feeling or not feeling is very common. It is scary to think about not drinking when you have used alcohol for a long time to cover up and not deal with your feelings/problems. Take it one day at a time and keep posting. You will find lots of help here.

[Otie]

The Morning After

Az,

You are not alone, I have the same problem as with loads of people here. You are llike to to find that after few AF days you feel calmer about that. Get onto the program and hand on here.

Love,
Otie

[Padme]

The Morning After

hey there, AZ --- Scared of what will happen to you if you keep drinking is something to think about too.
After years of negative preconditioning we are some times victims rather than victors over our own mind. You'll be fun, you will have fun and you'll learn new ways to deal with stress. Trust yourself to know you have that power; power of the mind, the power of what you choose to think. Sobriety is so worth it.

[azcrazy]

The Morning After

Thank you so much for all of your support. I'm so tired of beating myself up.

I can't wait to go to sleep tonight and have a new day tomorrow.

AZ

[MonaCat]

The Morning After

AZ, welcome!
Coming here is your first step in the right direction.
Read RJ's book as soon as you can, and start working the program.
Good luck to you.

[imatree]

The Morning After

Hey Az,
I'm right there with you sista. I've been working on mod for a few weeks, and though I haven't had nearly as many totally bombed nights as usual, I haven't had any AF either. And what is different than the so many other times I tried to quit, when I failed I just threw in the towel so easily. This time, thanks to this program and forum, I see it all as a progression. I've drank less even if it's too much, and I've hung onto the aspiration to overcome. Tomorrow I'll be home alone due to Memorial Day, and I'm going to write out my whole program. I just got the tapes, more kudzu, gonna line up the supps in the cabinet, topa is on the way. So, point is... the past several weeks I haven't met my goals, but rather than taking it in as a negative I'm utilizing the experience to strengthen my resolve.
Good luck to all of us!

[chilli]

The Morning After

Hi know how you feel,
Did the same myself posted straight a way just to get it off my chest, it helps heaps,and take it from me now on day 5 you do feel better and more determind to keep going when you talk to everyone one on here. I dont have the book, cds or meds yet still waiting so i hope i dont stuff up before they arrive, but believe me i am sure everyone knows just how you are feeling. spoil yourself tonight dont punish your self and feel the difference you have taken the first step,
chill

[mitch96]

The Morning After

:welcome: youve taken the first step in contactng people in the same situation weve all been there,alcohol is a false sense of confidense az the humour youve got comes from wiithin anyhow so dont think your a party pooper it takes time to adjust youl find youl get a bigger laugh at people that are pished:H when your sobz and just think that could be you(im as mad as a hatter without drink anyway)hang in there girl an youl be fine and if at first you dont sucseed try and try again keep on keeping on from mitch the anxiety man fae the hi-lands of scotland

ps think of your wee 5 year old god bless

[Lunapro]

The Morning After

It is scary - all great changes in life are - but this is the best one you could make for yourself. Imagine never having to feel the way you are feeling today again! And I just know that the real you is fun without alcohol, too. I'm kind of having to relearn that part, myself.

Good luck to you, AZ. I hope you're feeling better today.

[retteacher]

The Morning After

AZ: I have a very up & down record. I'll be great for a few days...even at dinner parties. Then some fleeting impulse will take hold & I'll give in. I'm taking the one day at a time approach. Otherwise, the future wo/alchohol looks too bleak. Also, I'm trying to remember how great I feel when abs & how awful I feel the day after a binge. Good luck, Mary

[OverIt2007]

The Morning After

We are here for you ok?

Dear AZ.

I have only been on this site for about two weeks, and have found it to be SO helpful!!!! The people on here truly DO UNDERSTAND and are NON JUDGEMENTAL so please keep posting and realize that there are many others all over the world (thats so cool!) just a log in away that want to help you.

I really like the drink tracker. I plan to use it everyday to be accountable for me and my drinking. Plus its cool to realize that others are doing it with you!!!

Good luck to us all....

[azcrazy]

The Morning After

You guys rock!

Thank you so much for your support. I live in a small community and there is no way that I could attend AA. And besides that, I went through the 12 step program years ago for eating disorders and I don't really like them anymore.

Didn't drink last night, I feel a 100% better today. Strong and connected to who I am today. I always hate the day after when you're trying to remember exactly what you said or did. Putting out little reminders to people to fill in the blanks of the night before.

I think being honset whichy'all everyday is going to help. Thanks for you cyber support.

AZ CRAZY

[louise]

The Morning After

Yeah AZ you meet your goal for yesterday! Good to hear others doing well also. Glad to see your post Chilli - hadn't seen you around for a few days! Re:reminders to people to fill in the blanks. I'm afraid I mostly just tried to ignore that as I didn't really want to know. Hope I never have to worry about that again.

[adagirl]

The Morning After

I'm just starting too and I have the same worries. I've been spending a lot of time over the past few days trying to grapple w/how I want to start on this journey and what I am willing to commit to. I am pretty sure I am gonna go forward w/the program now and do pretty much everything as written except substituting naltrexone for topamax. I read the entire MWO book on Saturday night. My mind was spinning after that. So many decisions. And, if I go the naltrexone route, I cannot even get buzzed (even if I drink, it won't work). A life without being able to even get buzzed is kinda scary. But, my drunk driving last Thursday is even more scary.

Anyway, it helps me a lot to think of this as a 'trial period' though. I am gonna try some new things and I'm gonna keep trying until I am happy w/where I'm at and safe. Maybe it will help you too if you just think of your initial commitment as giving the program a 'try' for a month. Not even saying that you will be AF for that month, but just that you will follow the recommendations (supps, CDs, meds, exercise, etc.). And, if there is part of it you are not ready to commit to, then leave it out for now.

Best of luck to you! I hope we both have great success on this program.