Why?

[Just Sarah]

Well, it's official. I am so disappointed in myself. Had plans to make it for at least a week, and I caved (in) at slightly past 48 hours. And I'm so angry at myself. I know how bad it is to (cave in), & I imagine I will feel like such a "loser" as I try to start again. My story is so similar to the creator of this blog/site, and to Dr. A.'s. I'm terrified to tell my therapist about this situation, and my psychiatrist. I'm so afraid of documentation in my medical records. Insurance stuff/professional stuff, etc. How in God's name will I ever be able to do this anonymously (abstain?) I failed again. When will I ever win?

[Ginger999]

Why?

Hi Sarah! Welcome to MWO. I sounded just like you 36 days ago but here I am today alcohol free for over a month. I haven't done that in I don't know how long. This is a great site and the people here have all been right where you are. I feel like I've just been introduced to the most amazing new friends. Read and posts as much as possible. Make sure you go check out the thread called Newbies Nest. Introduce yourself there. You can do this anonymously as you want. If you start posting what is going on in your life, you will be amazed at all the people that respond. Good luck - tomorrow is a new day!

Here are some links:
Newbies Nest*https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...est-30074.html
Toolbox*https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

[Just Sarah]

Why?

Thanks Ginger. I just wish I knew how to do it. I was completely "gung ho" this morning, looking forward to making it through day 3 and beyond. And, I failed miserably tonight. I tried to trick myself, tried to think myself "out of it." But it didn't work. I feel so stupid, weak, and angry at myself.

[available]

Why?

Hi Sarah and welcome as Ginger says, head to the newbies nest and be safe. It is home for a lot of us.

I have been in your position for the last 5 years at least. I wont drink, then the day turns to crap, i deserve a drink, i drink. Ive hit the repeat button that many times it is nearly worn out, actually it is worn out now so i dont hit it anymore.

I used to tell my dr i drank 4 to 5 drinks a week, well they were mighty big glasses but more like 4 bottles every 2 days and then there was the weekend to celebrate. I celebrated so much it was ridiculous but it was always a celebration alone.

Take each day as it comes and for that day do not drink, post and read on MWO like it is your AA. Someone will be around to help you. Do not run and hide, we are our own worst enemy other than al.

As everyone says "if i can do it" you can and it is very true. I was a 20+ year drinker and for over 6 months i have been af and everyday i say to myself, i will not drink.

Ginger you are doing so well and the days get so much better and easier with time.

[Ginger999]

Why?

First thing you have to do Sarah is forgive yourself and start over. I was the queen of negative self talk and that just made it worse. Tomorrow you start fresh and you come her as often as you can. Go to the Newbie nest and read read read. This will come, I promise. Knowing you need to quit is the first step so you got that behind you. Now you will start to rack up the days.

Thanks, Ava..... I couldn't be where I am today with out you guys! I wouldn't have had the tools to do it on my own.

[Orimus]

Why?

Sarah you didn't lose anything. Hold your head high for being here. That in itself is a victory. Don't know how long you've been fighting but if you're like me it's been years before you said anything. Whatever you've been through someone here has been through something similar. Together we are stronger. The medical establishment just wants a quick fix. I worked on that side too. Remember to listen as we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Visit the newbies nest, check out the toolbox. The people here love and accept you no matter what. Post, share what you're comfortable with .... We're here for your success. Check out the links in my signature. Welcome. Make yourself at home. You're a winner just for reaching out. A loser wouldn't bother.

[Just Sarah]

Why?

Thanks all. I went to Newbies nest and posted. But I believe I deleted it by accident. The thing is, I always "start over." Like I did on Sat am. Made it to Mon aft/evening ) (today) and "caved." I don't know how to get past those "borderline" times/days. Every time I fail, I get closer to thinking my good/best intentions are not within my control. How can I get past these awful cravings that make me fail every time?

[available]

Why?

the first couple of days with being af are not too hard, its when that al voice gets into your head that you deserve a drink, you dont have a problem, you are stressed, you are tired, you are happy, you are sad.....just one drink will fix it, that is what you have to work through, that is why MWO is so vital, this is where you read and chat. You need to do anything but take a drink. Run naked through the street if you have to but dont give in to those thoughts. Its not easy Sarah, not at all, i cant lie to you with that one but the benefits outweigh being a drunk.

Watch alcoholic videos on youtube, they are a real eye opener and read and post like a lunatic on here. i was not called "lunatic Linda" for no reason. You have to take control out of al's hands to have a life.

get rid of all the al out of your house, change your routine with shopping, eat and eat some more. i became very fond of sugary foods and still am but i dont care about my weight. Sleep when you need to and be very very kind to yourself and be very very determined to not drink. Al will always win if you let it, i and a lot of others have chosen not to let al win. If we do not feed al, the urges/cravings go away but yes its hard.

[Ginger999]

Why?

Have something else available instead. I keep lots of really good sparkling water and fresh lemon and lime on hand. I make my AF drink and sit and enjoy it knowing its clean and healthy and alcohol free. I make it like a ritual. I also have a special treat after dinner that I can look forward to. I never ate sweets before because I consumed so much alcohol (turns to sugar). I'm vegan so I buy So Delicious Coconut ice cream and have a serving with graham crackers after dinner. I figure the calories are a wash compared to all the booze I'm no longer consuming. Check out the toolbox. People have posted lots of helpful things. Everyone is different so read them all and see if any fit your lifestyle. You need to have a plan when you start to slip or you WILL slip. I'm new at this too but I can tell it's going to stick this time because I DON'T DRINK!!

[Just Sarah]

Why?

Orimus, and others: ... Thank you so much. I hide this from my family and all of my friends. My best friend would be so upset with me if she knew that I hide my problem, I'm afraid she would never talk to me again if she knew what I've hidden from her. I've been to parties w her when I have to drive (her) and others home, but these people are not problem drinkers. I just do this when no one can see. It's evolved into this. I feel as if I'm living a terrible/awful lie, and the guilt is temendous. My friends deserve better.

[available]

Why?

We have all lived that lie Sarah, its getting out of the pit that takes time and effort, it does not come easy and maybe when u have days up you can tell your friend. The good news is that when you stop drinking you dont have to lie to a single soul.

Many a time i went for a drink, i drove and then drove to the bottle shop and drank at home, all i wanted to do was to get home to drink. A very sad way of life.

The guilt, the shame, the anxiety, the depression, the shakes, the nausea, the diahorrea, the bleeding gums, the sores that wont heal (all of what i suffered) will go, believe me Sarah. I am happy to be sober. My children are so proud of me, i have a relationship with my mother that i nearly destroyed with al and i have that all back and i have me back and i love me now.

You deserve better Sarah.

[Just Sarah]

Why?

Thank you everyone. I will try again. Tomarrow. Best to all.

[Orimus]

Why?

Admit it to yourself, stop saying yes when you mean no. Take care of you first because you can't take care of anyone else unless you do. If you feel like you're lying just tell them you're taking care of your health which you are. If you have someone you can talk to I would encourage you to do so. Whether you do or don't stick close to us here. Eventually, when you're ready, you'll realize the life you imagine. And AL won't, can't, be a part of that. Tricksters can't take truth.

[Guitarista]

Why?

Hey Sarah,

Good to see you. Try not to stress, just do your best each day. Make a simple plan you can handle, and chip away at it each day. Below is the Toolbox link. Click on it and have a read starting on page one. Lot's of useful info/strategies.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

[Darkest Diamond]

Why?

Hi Sarah,
Hope you are feeling better today. Just to reassure you I know how difficult those cravings can be, I had them on and off off for years. Others have given you great tips already on dealing with cravings. I wanted to offer you a slightly different perspective:- On the 1st May this year I woke up and started vomiting and had a strong feeling of "That is it, I have had enough". I had a certain clarity then of how drinking was ruining my life, I also knew that if I carried on it would lead to a quick or slow death. Since then I have not wanted a drink at all. For me once I could see how restricting and damaging drinking was for me the urge to drink left me. I believe that I am now free of that horrid obsession, however I know what to do if it comes back, I know how to protect myself!!

This forum is wonderfully supportive, you might also want to try AA. Round where I live there are many different kinds of meetings, so I have plenty of choice. I find some meetings can be inspirational and helpful. I like face to face contact, it is important to me, but I feel very close to people on here even though I have never met them. Also I love the depth on this forum and all the different viewpoints, it is a great place!

I wish you well. x