Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

[Pie]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Myluck;1682314 wrote: Pie, we are proud for your 3 rd day. Stay strong and stay close.
Good Morning, Myluck! Thank you, and onward to Day 4!

NotHappyHourHappyLife;1682306 wrote: Thinking of you, Pie.

It takes courage to look forward without alcohol at your side... stay close to those people that support you.

Thank you, NHHHL! Is that your pup in your avatar?

Pie

[Pie]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Making Changes

When I came back to MWO this year, I knew that quitting alcohol would be the first step in turning my life around. And after that I would need to make changes to create a new sober life. I started with really easy things, just for the sake of it, like switching to an electric toothbrush, listening to music in my car instead of talk-radio, showering first thing in the morning, not skipping breakfast or lunch, buying a new pair of flip-flops and tossing the old ones. My thinking is that the little things can accumulate, and also pave the way to making more meaningful changes.

Three days ago I joined a yoga class. Two nights ago I decided to give up worrying about falling asleep at night. Letting go of this fear is huge for me, and I think a large part of why I hung on to alcohol for as long as I did. Even as a kid I remember feeling anxious about falling asleep. Once I discovered my pal AL could solve this stressor for me, I never questioned it. Just drink enough and pass out, right? No problem. And from this starting point, AL gained control of my life.

Thinking I?ll continue this thread as my journey journal. Thanks for stopping by. Would love to hear from others about changes you made early in the game. Even the small and funny ones.

Pie

[Myluck]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Pie,very smart - making small changes can help you mentally embrace bigger change. Small steps, lots of patience. What I did - since I was saving money (wine and ABC store charges can add up) - I would go and do facial, go shopping to buy new clothes, new make up. Letting go of fears is hard work and requires honest effort - this can feel uncomfortable, but this is how we grow.

[Pie]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

I had an eye-opening experience recently which I’d like to share as well as record in my journal. Three days ago, my mother’s PCP phoned to say that Mom’s breast cancer had returned, and had metastasized to her bones. He asked if we intend for her to come home, or go to hospice.

The breast cancer metastasis was a shock; I thought that door was shut when she had a mastectomy two years ago. And then there was the hospice word.

First thought: Need AL! Second thought: AL won’t change anything about what I just heard. Problem is, in 30+ years, I’ve never faced a problem without numbing myself. What do I do with this information? Thoughts are bouncing around in my brain, but I don’t know where to store them, or where to begin processing them.

I’m only two-weeks sober, being bombarded with a shocking, awful reality, and my brain is frozen, or broken, or seized-up! I’m not entirely sure what I did those first hours, except I didn’t drink, and I did make it to the next morning’s yoga class. Sometime during that session, my brain unlocked. I didn’t hear a click, but I felt it.

This disease is going to take my mother’s life. Whatever her concerns are as it does, having an actively alcohol-addicted daughter won’t be among them.

Pie

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Hugs, Pie. :h

Being sober for your Mom is the best gift you can continue to give to her... I will pray for you and your mom. :groupluv:

[Pavati]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Sorry, Pie!

Is there a family member, therapist, friend or counselor you could talk to? Not for everyone, but I find that talking about feelings is a great way to begin to process them.

I am glad that you can be sober for your mother when she needs you most. Imagine if you had to manage it all drunk or hungover? You will be happy to look back and see that you were fully there for her.

My thoughts are with you both.

Pavati

[Myluck]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Pie, so sorry to hear this. I am so amazed with your words that you wrote. Amazed with your strength and wizdom. Keep it up. My prayer are with you and your family. Stay in touch.

[Alky]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Hello Pie, glad to hear you remain resolute in light of these circumstances. When my father was dying last year, unfortunately I did not. I've since made peace with my less-than-admirable way of handling the situation. I wish I had handled things differently and I certainly would were a "do-over" possible, but it isn't.

[Pie]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Thank you, NHHHL, Pavati, and Myluck for your hugs, prayers, advice, and good wishes. I owe so much to this site for helping me to quit alcohol, and in the nick of time, as it turns out. About the last thing my family needs right now is a drunk Pie on their hands!

Gratefully,
Pie :h

[Pie]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Alky;1687006 wrote: Hello Pie, glad to hear you remain resolute in light of these circumstances. When my father was dying last year, unfortunately I did not. I've since made peace with my less-than-admirable way of handling the situation. I wish I had handled things differently and I certainly would were a "do-over" possible, but it isn't.

Thank you too, Alky! X-post

[Pie]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Originally posted in the AB Plunge thread on 8/3/14. Copied over here to add it to my journal.

I've felt drawn to this thread since Six started it, and really enjoy reading posts from the current and former AB takers who pop in here. Treetops, I agree with you that the AB is but an aid, and paired with a strong inner desire to quit, it's powerful. I really want to be free from alcohol, so I view my quit positively, and don't feel deprived.

It is a huge change though, so I look for ways to adjust old habits to become a better person. Isolating myself is one of the old habits I'm working on, and getting to sleep in a more normal way is taking effort. It's as if the AB frees me up to tackle these things because it takes AL out of the picture.

I've got about an 8-month supply, so no danger of running out anytime soon. I would like to talk with my doctor about it though, when I see him in a couple of months. I didn't go through him to get it, but hope he'll approve and give me a legit prescription.

Anyway, that's where I am for now, 24 days in. 125 mg/day, after dinner. I hope Six and her lovely avatar return soon.

Pie

[Pie]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Originally posted in Newbies Nest. Just copying here to my journal.
08-09-2014, 05:57 PM

My 30-Day "Speech"

Please accept a huge Thank You from me to one and all for your congratulations and encouragement! This Nest is like no place else on Earth when it comes to support and wisdom from lovely people.

I don't post a whole lot, but am a voracious reader of these forums, so that's what I started out doing at the end of June. That and taking copious notes, and following up on suggestions. For example, everything I learned about preparing for detox came from here, as did the info I used to decide upon taking Antabuse as a quit aid.

Reading Jason Vale's book was a suggestion I took to heart, and it paid off in terms of finally helping me to see that what I perceived as alcohol's benefits, were just illusions. This was key for me, because it lead to viewing my quit as a gift, rather than deprivation. I started a journal of sorts, that anyone is welcome to read for more info on my journey.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ged-93614.html

Paraphrasing from another poster, quitting doesn't have to suck. I am happy and empowered, not depressed and powerless.

Thanks again, everybody! And way to go to you Wags on your 100 day milestone!!

Love,
Pie

[Pie]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Originally posted in RJ's Resources Worth Exploring. Copying here to my journal.

08-28-2014, 05:58 AM
Dr. MCCauley’s keynote address at an addiction conference

I was reluctant to commit to watching this video because of its 1:12 length. Last night I hit the play button, figuring it would either be interesting, or would put me to sleep. A good outcome either way.

By 35 minutes in, I was glued to my computer screen, hanging on every word, and nearly in tears at the understanding it brought to me about addiction, and disease, and craving.

So there ya have it, my MWO friends. Two thumbs way up from me.

[Pie]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

Following is a resource RJ posted 8/24/14 in Updates from RJ: Resources Worth Exploring. The explanation of what happens in the addicted brain blew me away, and my cravings have lost much power as a result. Maybe it will help you too. Link to what I watched is in blue.

"Another powerful resource in my collection these days; a DVD called ?Pleasures Unwoven? by Kevin McCauley, MD. You can order it online but for a free version of a similar talk, visit Dr. MCCauley?s keynote address at an addiction conference, available on Yutube."

My brief summary of Dr. McCauley's talk follows in purple. I never thought I'd watch the full 1:12 hour video, and now I've watched it three times. For me, it's that powerful, so I want to share.

Dr. McCauley explains that addiction is a disease as opposed to a choice, because it fits the disease model. This model requires an organ, with a defect, that produces symptoms. In alcoholism, any addiction really, the organ is the brain (specifically the mid-brain), the defect is a stress-induced change in the brain?s dopamine (pleasure) system, and the symptoms are decreased functioning, specifically: loss of control, craving, and persistent alcohol use despite negative consequences.

Once the dopamine system is broken, the brain will not perceive normal pleasures. It will only notice things that produce massive amounts of dopamine, like drugs/alcohol. The drug then goes to the top of the survival hierarchy, to the exclusion of all other survival behaviors, to the point of death. The brain equates survival with the drug.

When an addict gets stressed, the mid-brain, sensing a life or death situation, signals for the drug. There is no thought involved because the frontal cortex shuts down, and the mid-brain is in control. In the heat of this survival panic, the addict can?t draw on morals/values to guide their behavior because the mid-brain is running things.

And this whole thing is protected by a very cruel tool called craving. Craving is genuine suffering; true and profound agony. Even if the addict is not using they?re still craving.

Learning coping skills to knock back the stress, so stress hormone levels drop, relieves the craving, and the frontal cortex comes back on.

[Pie]

Well, Look What the Cat Dragged In

I've been feeling extremely sleepy during the daytime. Could be a side effect of Antabuse I guess, though I take AB at night. And if my sleepiness is a SE, it's not a bad one, just would like to feel more alert. So, will begin taking AB only on odd-numbered days, to see if that makes any difference. I'm 10 weeks AF right now; adding to my journal.