No, make that two glasses, large ones, please.
And now I'm considering how little wine is actually left in the bottle, because I want more. I want a lot more.”
I posted this progression of thoughts a few days ago after some wise MWOers prompted me to be honest about my feelings, and to protect my quit. Initially, I didn’t see my desire for a glass of wine as jeopardizing my quit. But then I started reading in some relapse threads, and it became clear where I was heading.
I went back and reviewed some of the arsenal of material I’d compiled at the outset of my quit, and now recognize the drinking thoughts as my AV. The voice that contemplates any possibility of drinking again. The voice of addiction. I made a commitment to myself to never drink again, which requires that I not listen to this voice, not try to reason or argue with it, but rather to dismiss it. Its goals are not my own.
I’ve been largely coasting through my quit of late. Not making nearly the effort at building a new, sober life that I made early on. Time to get moving forward again. It also might make sense to resume taking Antabuse regularly again, something I stopped in January after 6-months of taking it. Haven’t decided yet on this point.
Including a link here to the Bullets for my Beast slideshow, because I like flipping through it as a reminder of my commitment, and of my enemy, the beast, that resides in my midbrain. http://rational.org/index.php?id=155
And finally, for now, the advice from our very own Chief on staying AF, “Just don’t f**king drink.”
Pie, at 7 mos sober
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