I majorly messed up

[Juley]

I had been off the drink or 'moderating' as I thought.
Got invited out in my new job to a work night, free food, free drink. I messed up big time. Beating myself up for days now.
Okay, I didn't strip, slap anybody etc but what I do remember was my female manager insisting she shared a taxi home with me when I'd been refused entry to a club. When the bouncer of that club wouldn't let me in I did immediately agree and said I was a bit drunk and should go home. There was no agro etc. However, I do remember at the end of the meal going over sitting next to my new manager and telling her how I'd lost my two parents only two months apart. That happened two years ago.
I also remember one of the guys trying to get into the club and using where we work on a current project as a means of trying to get in there. I was standing to one side and complained he should not be doing that.
Basically, Alcohol does not agree with me at all. Since that night everybody at work has been off with me and I'm terrified I may lose my job.

[available]

I majorly messed up

Hi Juley and welcome back i notice. Alkies cant moderate, we try our best but we just cant. After that one glass that is it for us, it leads to much much more than a normal person.

Getting rid of al will get rid of your anxiety, stress, guilt, shame. It will all go if you dont drink.

With regards to work, prove to them and yourself that you can stop drinking. Can you apologise to your boss but just apologise, no excuses or promises that it wont happen again etc. If you stop drinking it wont happen again. Everyone makes mistakes, we just seem to do it more than most when al is involved. I know i did some really stupid things that i used to shake my head about for days but it still did not stop me drinking. Coming on here, being on the newbies nest daily, twice daily and asking for help has gotten me through to where i am. I told my children and they have been a wealth of support.

Get rid of all al out of your house and make a plan to stop drinking. It doesnt have to be huge in the early days, settle for "today i will not drink". Be nice to yourself in the early weeks, eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired. Your body needs to heal. Watch youtube videos on alcoholism and read on here and post. I never thought i could give up drinking for 7 days and now i am nearly at 7 months. If i can do it anyone can, we say that a lot on mwo but it is very very true.

[little beagle]

I majorly messed up

I'm sorry you are feeling bad right now. Not drinking again WILL make you feel much better.
staying connected here will hell you achieved that goal.

[narilly]

I majorly messed up

Juley,
Most of us can not moderate. Just the fact that you are posting here probably means you can't either. I have done some stupid things when it comes to drinking at work functions. Believe me, it just isn't worth it to drink at work functions, Ever!
There are some realty good podcasts on The Bubble Hour
Listen to one or two.that really helped me.
Hang in there.

[Londoner]

I majorly messed up

Hey Juley.

Time will heal no doubt. A free bar is a BIG temptation, that I understand. Hell, even an expensive bar is a BIG temptation.

It sounds like you are beating yourself up a little too much. Far worse or more embarrasing things could of happened.

Like the others have said, the only way to not feel like that again is to not drink.

You're in the right place.

I was feeling the same just one week ago. But a weekend free of AL and I feel much stronger. You can feel the same just a week or two later, if you knock the AL on the head and look to strengthen your life in other areas. AL weakens us.

Londoner

[Londoner]

I majorly messed up

Hey Juley.

Time will heal no doubt. A free bar is a BIG temptation, that I understand. Hell, even an expensive bar is a BIG temptation.

It sounds like you are beating yourself up a little too much. Far worse or more embarrasing things could of happened.

Like the others have said, the only way to not feel like that again is to not drink.

You're in the right place.

I was feeling the same just one week ago. But a weekend free of AL and I feel much stronger. You can feel the same just a week or two later, if you knock the AL on the head and look to strengthen your life in other areas. AL weakens us.

Londoner

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

I majorly messed up

Welcome back, Juley.

I took the time to read some of your older posts... may I kindly suggest that you spend some time, reading what you wrote back in 2008?
I'm not going to quote you to death, or use your words against you, because that is not fair.

However, what also is "not fair", is how you've been treating yourself.
The fact that you got drunk and obnoxious in front of your peers is not unique. I've done that, as have many of us here. Sad to say, but your actions are "Expected Behavior" from those of us with alcohol issues.

Is it hard to think of your life without alcohol? My uncle retired as a dependency counselor and he told me something that, at first, I poo-pooed it, but: "It takes 7 years from the time you admit to yourself that you may have a dependency problem, to the time you are willing to address it".

Have you met your time, Juley, where you will truly deal with your behavior while drinking?

Admitting that alcohol does not agree with your physical body is not a character flaw. Alcohol IS a poison.

I hope you truly reflect, Juley, about your future steps....not necessarily at your job, which is your concern, but because only you have the power to take this "major mess up" and transform you.

Hugs and Peace. :l I hope my frankness will stir you into action. I've made the same mistakes, but only I could take the hardest step to save me from me. Patty

[MossRose]

I majorly messed up

Juley - Hi. We haven't met yet, but I certainly can relate to your story. I've done some really dumbass things at work events while drinking. But, I wonder if you may be blowing this up a bit bigger in your mind than it really is. I'm not saying that getting drunk at a work function is a good idea. It never is. But, this sounds like a bit of anxiety brewing in your head. Remember - everyone else was drinking too. So their perception of the night is also skewed.

Be kind to yourself. Stop drinking. Be alert and present around your co-workers and this will all sort itself out. I really do hate those type of work events. Careers are harmed, never helped by these get-togethers. But perhaps, others are hanging their head in shame right now too. Not negating the issue. I just want you to forgive yourself and move on.

Hang in there.

ps - I can't moderate either.

[Living Life]

I majorly messed up

Hi Juley,

I completely understand how you're feeling, I've been there with the whole work do shame thing!
I agree, it may be the anxiety of it all making it seem much worse than it actually is. For me it was one of these al incidents that got me to my tipping point... I've relapsed since that point but the thought of it is always at the back of my mind and has brought me to this great site with a sense of determination to kick it's arse once and for all!! Hang in there Juley, everyone's here for you the last time I was on this site was back in 2009 , so not too long after your previous post ... It's taken a good five years of internal debate to get to this point and it sounds like you may be in the same place in your journey! Let's do this together

LL xx

[Foxy]

I majorly messed up

Hi Juley just wondering you're doing. Another Irish girl here from Dublin. Where are you from?