Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

[j-vo]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

Great points Allen.

And I misinterpreted your initial point. I agree. Don't play with fire, or the lion, or walk down that street. Why put yourself in that situation if you don't have to? In some people's lives, friends need to be changed, activities need to be changed so that temptation can be limited. I have friends and a husband that drinks normally. I'm not saying you're going to get and stay away from every bit of alcohol that's out there...I just came back from a resort where the booze was flowing heavily, and went with the family. So in that case, I could avoid certain situations like not sitting at the pool bar, but others where we went to sit at lobby prior to dinner, well, it was time for a seltzer with mint. But if people think clubbing without alcohol is going to work, think again. That's the main focus of the night. Anywhere that alcohol is a main focus is not for me anymore.

[TJAF]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

I'm certainly not saying that we have to avoid situations were alcohol is served...God knows that alcohol is so pervasive that we cant avoid it not to mention certain social functions that we certainly don't want to miss. Case in point, my nephew was recently married and I couldn't imagine missing it however, the amount of alcohol being swilled was mind numbing. Had one gent that drank to the point that he was projectile heaving while maintaining both his drunken conversation and his drinking. It wasn't a situation though that I went looking for and before I went I made sure that I had support. My wife clearly understood that I was going to lean on her and would likely be leaving a tad earlier than maybe she would like. It all worked out but I wont lie, in the moment I wanted to drink. Thank goodness I have conditioned myself to understand that I don't want just one....

[allankay]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

J-Vo & TJAF,

you both bring up excellent points. Avoiding alcohol for the rest of your life is simply not possible. But we are all reasonable people. WE usually know what will be involved and on some level know the probability of failure. If you are saying this weekend is going to be a good test, you probably at high risk!

I certainly cut out a lot of people out of my life. And still regularly get attacked for my choice, even though I never speak openly about alcohol unless when I am asked. I certainly don't question other peoples choices. At the end of the night when I look at the 25% of people that don't manage their intake well. I don't think less of them. I think thank God its not me any more. What's funny these are usually the people that assume there is a positive correlation between alcohol consumption and a good time. But in fact the people that seem to enjoy a night out are those that drink very little or none at all.

Knowing what you are getting yourself into is important, so is knowing how to respond to peer pressure which from my experience is the key. Some comments are intentional, loud and rude!

AK

[Marylou123]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

I agree completely with the thoughts here. I've read, listened to podcasts, and watched the YouTube videos about how easy it is to fall into the arms of al again and the thought of relapsing scares the crap out of me. I've been lurking lately, and I'm going through an extremely sad time right now, but above EVERYTHING I remain sober. I love my quit and I don't ever want to lose it. I am in the process of losing a lot right now and, even through the sadness, I am ever grateful for my sobriety. (And MWO and Brydie, JVo, NS, Pav, Ava, etc., etc., etc.). Coming up on six months AF and I absolutely shudder at the thought of NOT facing these life difficulties straight. I am a much stronger woman than I was six months ago, and for the previous 15 years, and this side is the right side. I went to my first party last weekend. And when my friend whom I hadn't seen in 13 years, asked me if I wanted a margarita, I proudly said I DONT DRINK. Like Byrdie said, I wish everyone trying to moderate could know the joys of not worrying about it, ever again.

My two cents - going to try to be more active on the site than I have been.

Love to all.

[Londoner]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

Great thread Allen.

I guess the problem in my world is, that binge drinking is seen as a normal way to cut loose.

It isn't.

It's taken me a while to come to terms with it, but I am an alcoholic.

And being in situations where AL is almost pushed on you on others need to be avoided.

We are seen as weak and weird if we don't give in to it's temptations. But, it is a poison - and the only way to get rid of a bad habit is to replace it with a positive one.

Are events where excessive drinking is promoted a healthy habit? No!

Are friends who laugh at you for not drinking true friends? Probably not.

There is a better world out there, even if it means completely overhauling our current hell hole of a life.

[allankay]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

Londoner;1680320 wrote: Great thread Allen.

I guess the problem in my world is, that binge drinking is seen as a normal way to cut loose.

It isn't.

It's taken me a while to come to terms with it, but I am an alcoholic.

And being in situations where AL is almost pushed on you on others need to be avoided.

We are seen as weak and weird if we don't give in to it's temptations. But, it is a poison - and the only way to get rid of a bad habit is to replace it with a positive one.

Are events where excessive drinking is promoted a healthy habit? No!

Are friends who laugh at you for not drinking true friends? Probably not.

There is a better world out there, even if it means completely overhauling our current hell hole of a life.

Londoner,

I know where you are coming from. I am 29 and live in London so I know the culture quite well.

In fact the hardest thing for me was not overcoming the cravings (which for me took about 100 days). But the nasty comments and insults that I had to deal with and still do on regular basis. However, understanding these people is part of a solution. I used to be exactly the same way and said exactly the same things, so learning to accept it as a fact of life is a must. At the end of the day, these people will be grateful to you for driving them home, preventing a fight or an unwanted sexual encounter... It is only the first couple of times that people make these comments. Trust me if you go out more often with the same group of people they will forget it, as long as you don't make a big deal out of it.

Being AF is worth a billion insults! And by now I have heard most of them

AK

[MossRose]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

Allan - I missed this post somehow, but glad I found it. I'm one who tried to "test" themselves way too early on and failed miserably. A few times. Now, I'm smarter. I have too much time, energy, and soul-work invested in staying sober to let AL back into my life. So even now, I must avoid certain situations. I also won't let a few negative comments dissuade me from my path. However, I think it's much easier at my age. Some of my friends have stopped drinking, not because they have a problem with AL, but due to health issues or personal preference. It's odd, but no one questions it. Maybe I just have great friends. But I truly do thing it's an age thing.

NS - I wish I had your strength. If they developed your imagined pill, I may be the first in line. Ok - more work to do. ugh.

TJAF - so very nice to see you. Glad you are doing well. Always loved our chats.

[allankay]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

MossRose;1682238 wrote: Allan - I missed this post somehow, but glad I found it. I'm one who tried to "test" themselves way too early on and failed miserably. A few times. Now, I'm smarter. I have too much time, energy, and soul-work invested in staying sober to let AL back into my life. So even now, I must avoid certain situations. I also won't let a few negative comments dissuade me from my path. However, I think it's much easier at my age. Some of my friends have stopped drinking, not because they have a problem with AL, but due to health issues or personal preference. It's odd, but no one questions it. Maybe I just have great friends. But I truly do thing it's an age thing.

NS - I wish I had your strength. If they developed your imagined pill, I may be the first in line. Ok - more work to do. ugh.

TJAF - so very nice to see you. Glad you are doing well. Always loved our chats.

Hi Moss,

you are right I have noticed it too. People tend to drink less as they get older but some drink more. If you have a family, a job and a full plate then there is simply no time for this in your schedule.

However, if you are single 30, 40 or 50 something professional man or woman and have no kids, then its a completely different story. This demographic has one of the highest rates of alcoholism. They are all functional alcoholics but they drink almost every day to excess.

AK

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

Great thread... I am learning to protect my quit.

I hear my colleagues often boast at the end of the day that they "need" a beer... and truthfully, that was me 6 months ago. I hear now how silly that sounds... really, I NEED a beer?

Just one is a slippery slope. Face it, it's not ONE beer, it's the FIRST beer.

Hugs! :l

[bran new day]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

Great thread ... I'm guilty as charged with testing myself too many times over the last 3 years . I must be a bit thick headed , but it does seem to work , AT PUTTING YOU RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU WERE . BND

[allankay]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

bran new day;1682291 wrote: Great thread ... I'm guilty as charged with testing myself too many times over the last 3 years . I must be a bit thick headed , but it does seem to work , AT PUTTING YOU RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU WERE . BND

BND,

you are attempting to do one of the hardest things anyone ever attempted. There is physical dependency, mental dependency, social pressure... Literally what is harder than giving up Alcohol, well apart from more hard core drugs I suppose???? Nothing.

But it seems that many people give it up like they would give up fast food. See how it goes... I can always have a cheat meal and so on... No I don't think it works that way.

AK

[allankay]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

NotHappyHourHappyLife;1682284 wrote: Great thread... I am learning to protect my quit.

I hear my colleagues often boast at the end of the day that they "need" a beer... and truthfully, that was me 6 months ago. I hear now how silly that sounds... really, I NEED a beer?

Just one is a slippery slope. Face it, it's not ONE beer, it's the FIRST beer.

Hugs! :l

hahhah

yes it is very true. I used to say lets go for just one, when I knew it would be more like >3 and < infinity

AK

[Byrdlady]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

allankay;1682384 wrote:

But it seems that many people give it up like they would give up fast food. See how it goes... I can always have a cheat meal and so on... No I don't think it works that way.

AK

No truer words than right here....No, it just doesn't work that way at all. One cheat meal is like throwing gasoline of a pile of embers, it just sets it off. Great thread! B

[kuya]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

I logged in tonight for the first time in many months and saw this thread Allan.

As my quit twin I am always drawn to any posts you leave!

I felt it was right to throw in my thoughts and experiences on this subject, as we near our two years of sobriety.

I am coming to the conclusion that I will ALWAYS addict to something.....I now just choose things that aren't going to kill me.

I realise that I have always been the same...as a child I threw myself into things addictively....and it mostly served me well. In education, when renovating a house, or any project I undertake( including posting on MWO !) But I also drank and smoked addictively and I think I now know why.

Like so many alcoholics my childhood was damaged and unsafe. I had no trust in tomorrow, and I still don't and probably never will.

So WHATEVER I do I have no faith that tomorrow will come or be safe for me....of course it does and it is, but that is NOT my core belief.

This affects many aspects of my life, I stay up too late, eat erratically and do many things to excess.

That simple realisation explains why I cannot, and will not, drink again. I know if I drink I WILL want to get drunk, because I LIKED getting drunk.

And, because I hold a core emotion is that there will be no tomorrow, I lack the ability to WORRY about tomorrow. One can only moderate when there is a core belief in future.....I have none, and accept I may never have one.

After two years I very rarely have a desire to drink alcohol.....the odd thought only occurs when I am tired and hungry..... A leftover, knee jerk reaction easily fixed..... "Sit down you stupid biatch and eat !" :H:H

Oddly it can still strike at times of intense happiness and of achievement.... The thought to 'celebrate'.....but that is quickly erased by the memory that tomorrow, after the 'celebration', will come the battle (which I WILL lose, as I did after my first quit) and then the return to slavery as my brain chemistry reverts to running on alcohol. NO THANK YOU.

Does the thought of NEVER drinking again bother me? Not at all.

Drinking alcohol has now joined a long list of things I never want to do again...which include

Fall off a horse
Get stuck up a ladder
Date a policeman
Shave my pubes
Hand wash my clothes
Smoke
Go on a protein shake diet
Go camping
......... And these are just the ones polite enough to share with y'all !

So any of you tempted to test drinking alcohol again just remember that you joined MWO because you were terrified ...... so was I

Since becoming sober life has NOT been a bed of roses, there are still problems that keep me awake at night ...... BUT I have NEVER felt the fear that I felt EVERY day as I was forced to feed my alcoholism.

[NoSugar]

Testing yourself and why you should not do it!

Good to see you, Kuya. As one of my main mentors, I internalized your message and also don't find "forever" daunting at all - in fact it is a great relief.