Third Time a Charm?

[Hypernova]

Hello to everyone here. I am returning again to begin my 3rd quit of 2014. Mostly I have not drank for this year except for 2 vacations and a few days after returning from them. My last quit was 138 days long and I was doing very well on an ODAT basis. I've known for some time that vacations are my downfall and after the February one I knew things would have to change. I sit here with the crushing weight of the twins of depression and anxiety on my chest. I know they will pass as they have before. Sitting through the pain and knowing it is temporary give me 'some' solace. ~ What did I do? I tried to please someone else and put myself in jeopardy knowing how things most likely would turn out. I have always put other peoples' needs above my own and sacrificed my health, happiness and well being in doing so. It hurts me to write these words. ~ I am going to add to my plan the goal of assessing all of my relationships including the one I have with myself and my spirituality as well. If I am ever to achieve true Freedom from Alcohol it needs to be a way of life and not just about quitting for me. Unfortunately some people are going to have to either get on board and understand me or sadly disappear from my life. ~ It took great energy to post this as my energy is nil. I really appreciate the forum and all the people that understand and share on a daily basis. I look forward to AF days ahead. Thanks for listening. ~ Hyper~

[NoSugar]

Third Time a Charm?

Hi, Hypernova

I saw that you'd posted in the Roll Call and wondered what had happened. I'm sorry you drank but nothing takes away the large number of days without alcohol you've had and all that you've learned. Knowing why you drank is a huge part of the equation! Now you have to put systems into place so that doesn't happen again. It sounds like that is your plan (once you get your energy back!).

Have you listened to any of the Bubblehour podcasts? That might be a good way to spend this time while you're not really feeling like doing anything. Many people have found them very helpful. The Bubble Hour: Subscribe to our Free Podcast!. There are episodes about perfectionism, co-dependency, etc. The one about the science of addiction was particularly helpful to me.

I'm so glad you're ready to get right back with your program. This can be "the time". It sounds like you're ready for that.

:hNS

[Alky]

Third Time a Charm?

Hello Hypernova, first of all, I think the fact that your last quit lasted over four months gives you a great chance for success. You know how long-term abstinence is accomplished. And also, there is a lot of wisdom in your observation that a successful quit has less to do with simply not drinking and everything to do with "a way of life," as you put it. You sound like you're in a great mental state to make it stick this time. Best wishes.

[bran new day]

Third Time a Charm?

Hi Hypernova ,
Alcohol is a bit like dieting , the yo-yo effect of feeling great, achieving goals and then feeling so fine you don't need to diet anymore . CRASH , I had to give up my sport of sailing because it revolved around drinking almost as much as sailing , and I left a lot of friends behind , but they'll still be there when and if I ever feel strong enough to deal with that social scene again . You're right its not just quitting , it has to be a whole new way of looking at life . BND .

[Hypernova]

Third Time a Charm?

Hey thanks NS, Alky & bnd for your replies and insights. I do appreciate your time and thoughts. I'm not in a good spot right now but as I feel the poison dripping from my system I know it will turn around soon and I will be free if I chose. I do feel a bit stupid as I have the info and experience to see the deceptive nature of alcohol and yet I still deceive myself. Well I will be hanging around here reading and posting to try and help myself and hopefully others. Thanks again ~ Hyper~

[Darkest Diamond]

Third Time a Charm?

Hi there quad!!

If you remember Dec 28th there were four of us who thought that was our time! Well, as it turned out all four of us did drink again!.................... but all of us clocked up lots of days sober.

You were doing so well, as others have said all that you learnt in that period is not lost, also you've identified your main trigger (holidays). My main one was definitely work!

Great that you are back!

DD

[j-vo]

Third Time a Charm?

Welcome back Hypernova,
The daily not drinking was a huge win and success for you. Now you are realizing that it's not just those at home times, it's vacation times as well that we need to continue to stay AF. I had my first "real" vacation in an all inclusive resort without booze. The resort had all the booze, but I had none. It was the most peaceful vacation as I was able to physically challenge myself daily with some sort of fun cardio such as kyacking. Sometimes the transition to this type of AF seems really strange. I'll tell you it was strange, but I came back feeling well-rested and strong. Not only that, I was at peace knowing I didn't drink and didn't have to start over.

As far as friends go, if they're your good friends, they'll understand and love you if you remained AF. If you only see them on vacation, then I'd choose different vacation buddies. I've not lost one friend but gained a whole hell of a lot of respect.

Good luck to you and stay close by.

[Hypernova]

Third Time a Charm?

Thanks DD for the welcome back!! I will never forget the 28th. I remember it well b/c I had planned it out for weeks so that when I had four days off in a row I could start my quit. Even though one of those days fell on New Years Eve I didn't drink. It was very satisfying feeling to conquer something like that. Quads we were and always will be!! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading of your progress!!
~~ j-vo / What to say to you? Wow I have such respect for you that you went to an all inclusive as I did and you did not drink. I really love your post b/c it says everything I wanted to come home to. Next time!! I think I made my mind up before leaving and could not get around going and just thought why fight a battle I can't win, silly in hindsight. Seriously you have my greatest respect for doing something I couldn't even think of. I will keep an eye out for your future posts and may call on your wisdom and strength next time I find myself in a jam. Again thanks to you both! :l :l ~Hyper~

[Pavati]

Third Time a Charm?

Hi, Hypernova and WELCOME back:

You can do it - you've proven that. I will say that the periods between 3 and 7 months were sort of challenging for me. Maybe you could keep a journal of what triggered your drinking again and how you feel today and it might help you push through. Glad to see the Quads reunited! We need FF and WW back, too.

Pav

[Darkest Diamond]

Third Time a Charm?

Impressive memory!!

Pavati;1682950 wrote: Hi, Hypernova and WELCOME back:

You can do it - you've proven that. I will say that the periods between 3 and 7 months were sort of challenging for me. Maybe you could keep a journal of what triggered your drinking again and how you feel today and it might help you push through. Glad to see the Quads reunited! We need FF and WW back, too.

Pav

Pav I am so impressed by your memory, FF was back quite recently and so was WW, be lovely if they both come back again.