Functioning alcoholic

[brookthedog1]

hello

I joined the site on Sunday and went to a couple of existing forums. Still finding my way around the site. Don't seem to know how to see any replies I might have. Was recommended to start a new thread.

My real problem is I can be sober all day long without even thinking about alcohol. The witching hour starts at 6.00pm.

I have even started doing Bodycombat (which I love) but if the class is at 5.45 I have a drink as some sort of prize for doing the class.

I have lost 5lbs since Feb so now I can exercise (which I love) and still drink a bottle a night as it doesn't affect my weight.

I never get a hangover.

I am however, losing my looks, and am becoming to look old and tired, I am only 58yrs.

My husband left me last week. He has had enough he says of losing me every night after 6.00pm

He has been gone over a week now.

Last night I had my first alcohol free night (bought some alcohol free wine(yuk) but I at least had something in my left hand whilst I ate.

I start off eating my evening meal then get that lovely fuzzy feeling but don't know when to stop.

I would rather have none than to try and restrict it to one glass. One glass means one bottle.

This is my second day without alcohol and my eighth day without my husband.

It is so hard but I want to get my life back whilst I have a chance.

I went to the Doc and asked him to test my liver hoping (stupidly) that there may be signs of damage to frighten me. However there wasn't which just gave me the licence to carry on.

I don't want to give up alcohol, I want to be able to control it rather than it control me.

Any advice, support will be gratefully received.

[available]

Functioning alcoholic

Hi Brook and welcome. Your story sounds a lot like most of us on here and all of us on here want to give up al.

I was a 2 bottle a night drinker, any day ending in a Y was a great day. I decided to quit on the 1st December as i was losing my children, they were pulling away and my children are my life. I had to make the decision to be with my children or be with the bottle. I had no choice to make. It was hard, really hard, bloody hard but i had way too much to lose.

Get rid of all al out of the house, post on here religiously to be accountable. This is my AA and has been for 7 months and will be for a very very long time. I am an alcoholic and i can never drink again. Once i realised these two things it made the battle easier to beat. I have tried moderating and ended up drinking more. I thought i could be the ONLY ONE that could moderate but i was kidding myself. Al was enticing me to drink and al won.

If you want you husband back you will fight with every ounce of determination you have but also make it a fight for your life as al sucks every single bit of our emotions, our soul and our happiness. al will try and get you to drink, the trick is to say NO. You can never let al back into your life again.

I never thought i could make it to day 2 let alone 7 months but it is truly the best thing i have ever done in my life. Could i do it again, i dont think so. Do i ever want to drink again now, no.

Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired and dont give into the al voice that will try and entice you to drink in the coming days. Dont let al win. I protect my quit with my life, i avoided social situations when i first stopped as if i dont protect my quit then who will.

head over to the newbies nest, lots of people in different stages of being sober.

The only way you will get your life back is to stop drinking Brook. I had anxiety, depression, tremors, bleeding gums. you name it, i probably had it and now i have nothing. I wake up everyday sober and happy, i have no guilt and i am starting to love who i am. Al took it all, it drained my very soul but i refuse to drink AT anyone anymore, i refuse to drink.

Keep reading and keep posting and be very very strong, you can do this and you can also make some wonderful friends on MWO.

[Alky]

Functioning alcoholic

Hi Brook, many of us have been exactly where you've been. The idea of giving up something that has been "there for you," through the good times and the bad (although we all know it really hasn't been) is quite difficult. But it sounds like you at least tacitly acknowledge the powerlessness you have over alcohol; "one glass means one bottle." In my opinion, recovery is not possible without that acknowledgement. Please understand alcoholism is a progressive disease and things only get worse if you continue to drink. I was on the cusp between functional and non-functional when I finally stopped. The final straw was when I nearly lost my driver license over an alcoholism-related medical issue. Did I ever think it would get that far? No. But it did. Welcome, and best wishes.

[j-vo]

Functioning alcoholic

Brook,
If wine is controlling you now, it more than likely always will. I'm only saying this from the tons of literature that i've read and after trying to moderate my drinking forever. Alcohol is a drug, and so we become addicted and wonder why we can't control it. Because we're addicted! We crossed that line a long time ago. Recovery is a wonderful thing. Not having to think about alcohol, how it interferes with our daily lives, such as working out without being dehydrated, and I can tell you my skin and face look better than ever. I've got a glow that I never had as my face was puffy and blah. Learning how to live without alcohol takes a lot of time and effort, but I think you're worth it, and I think your relationship is worth it. Give it a go, and make it a priority in your life, just like exercising is. Welcome!

[riv]

Functioning alcoholic

I TOTALLY sympathise with the evening meal -as-trigger thing.
Totally.
For me dinner without wine is pointless - I find it easier to eat a bowl of cereal with skimmed milk ( as that has zero associations with wine ) in the evening than a nice dinner .
Whenever I go on the wagon ( and if you trace my posts on here - not that many - you will see I have fallen off more times than clambered on ) I do miss the taste and effect of the wine.
Unfortunately I just cannot stop at two glasses. Two glasses = two bottles plus probably martinis before and a cognac after..................I mean, madness really.
I did once - 6 yrs ago - manage 18 months alcohol free which I kick started with six months on Antabuse ( google to find out how that works if you are unsure ).
After 6 months I had actually got into a 'no alcohol' habit and continued a further year without the Antabuse crutch................. but then fell off wagon again at a dinner party ( significantly) given by friends in Rome.
Anyway, my point is that SOME weeks or months of abstention is better than ZERO weeks etc .....
You may wish to read up and / or discuss with your doctor the possibilities of using one med or another to get you started, plus AA or whatever..........
Or some other form of talking therapy............
or all of the above !
I think most of us are just happy to find something, anything , that works for us.
The same things don't work for everyone - eg a lot of ppl on here have found salvation in Baclofen - I tried it for several months and it had just zero effect for me.......... I carried on drinking........ But Antabuse did work for me at least for a period. ( But I am not absolutely not recommending that you try it without a lot of research and discussion with your doc to see if it might be suitable for you.)
But there is no easy solution. Even during my 18 months of 'sobriety' I frequently ached for the solace of the wine bottle.......... But still....... being off booze was a useful experience to have........and I did lose a lot of weight and look a lot better.............(all put back on etc since going back on the drink ).
It looks to me that there is no realistic prospect of you ( any more than me ) just going on to a programme of moderate drinking ( eg 1 to 2 glasses of wine just on Fridays and Saturdays - that would be reasonable [ but impossible for me ] ).
If that is so then you have to decide which is more painful - being without the booze or being without the hubby ( assuming there is some chance of winning him back if you manage long term abstention ? ).
But even if the hubby is not going to come back then going on the wagon does have potential rewards in terms of making the best of the golden years to come ( this is my hope anyway..........as I go back to the TV on this my sixth eve without alcohol................)

[brookthedog1]

Functioning alcoholic

4 days in without alcohol. Discovered Beck Blue. I never liked larger as it is fizzy and taste weird to me (I am a wine drinker).

My hubby had been on antibiotics so I found a box of this in the shed. I must say it has helped me through the first four days.

It tastes like an alcoholic drink, i.e. not sweet and sugary as some of the alcohol free wines do. But it is weird, my mind thinks I am drinking alcohol so is happy.

Strange sensation being drunk but not, shows what the mind can do. Big test tomorrow night. Meeting friends in the pub and going to tell them I am on antibiotics so they don't try and tempt me to drink wine. Will have a Beck Blue instead.

Wish me luck!!

[brookthedog1]

Functioning alcoholic

4 days in without alcohol. Discovered Beck Blue. I never liked larger as it is fizzy and taste weird to me (I am a wine drinker).

My hubby had been on antibiotics so I found a box of this in the shed. I must say it has helped me through the first four days.

It tastes like an alcoholic drink, i.e. not sweet and sugary as some of the alcohol free wines do. But it is weird, my mind thinks I am drinking alcohol so is happy.

Strange sensation being drunk but not, shows what the mind can do. Big test tomorrow night. Meeting friends in the pub and going to tell them I am on antibiotics so they don't try and tempt me to drink wine. Will have a Beck Blue instead.

Wish me luck!!

[brookthedog1]

Functioning alcoholic

4 days in without alcohol. Discovered Beck Blue. I never liked larger as it is fizzy and taste weird to me (I am a wine drinker).

My hubby had been on antibiotics so I found a box of this in the shed. I must say it has helped me through the first four days.

It tastes like an alcoholic drink, i.e. not sweet and sugary as some of the alcohol free wines do. But it is weird, my mind thinks I am drinking alcohol so is happy.

Strange sensation being drunk but not, shows what the mind can do. Big test tomorrow night. Meeting friends in the pub and going to tell them I am on antibiotics so they don't try and tempt me to drink wine. Will have a Beck Blue instead.

Wish me luck!!

[brookthedog1]

Functioning alcoholic

4 days in without alcohol. Discovered Beck Blue. I never liked larger as it is fizzy and taste weird to me (I am a wine drinker).

My hubby had been on antibiotics so I found a box of this in the shed. I must say it has helped me through the first four days.

It tastes like an alcoholic drink, i.e. not sweet and sugary as some of the alcohol free wines do. But it is weird, my mind thinks I am drinking alcohol so is happy.

Strange sensation being drunk but not, shows what the mind can do. Big test tomorrow night. Meeting friends in the pub and going to tell them I am on antibiotics so they don't try and tempt me to drink wine. Will have a Beck Blue instead.

Wish me luck!!

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Functioning alcoholic

Welcome Brooke, i hope you made it through.
You aren't one. The Alcohol Genie is sitting on your shoulder, and about this time, is trying to tell you that your husband over reacted and you can moderate. Your 4 days of sobriety is proof, right?

Wrong.

Keep reading, post and ask for feedback. Someone is here 24/7.

I hope you can find your way out. :l Patty

[Pavati]

Functioning alcoholic

Hi Brooke:

If I were you I might consider skipping tomorrow night if you think you will be tempted. After four days you're forgetting the really bad feeling when you joined and you're thinking - I CAN moderate. Just the one... The problem is, for people like us, one becomes many. Tempting yourself this early can be trouble.

I concur with all of the above suggestions. In your post you say both that you don't want just one, it is easier to have none, and also that you don't want to give up altogether - those seems contradictory. I was thinking those same thoughts when I came, and now can say that I don't want just one, and there is no way I can moderate. I would just continue to have more and more.

I hope you stay close, read away, and take good care of yourself. You have found a great supportive community to help you get and stay sober.

Pav