Can I do this?

[Wearywino]

Hi Everyone - I'm new here. I spent almost two days searching the web, reading sober blogs and finally found this site a week or so ago. Have been lurking and reading and finally took the plunge to post. I've been drinking way too much for as long as I can remember now. Never in the day, but as soon as the clock ticks 6pm out comes the white wine and I slowly drink myself to sleep (usually around 1 1/2 bottles a night ). I have attempted to cut down in the past. Actually managed a whole month AF last year - but quickly got back to my wine guzzling antics again.

My husband regularly talks about a TV programme he watched the night before and will ask me: "were you awake at that point?" - I generally can't remember anything that happened after dinner.

My skin is truly awful recently and I am starting to feel really unhealthy. I need to stop drinking to save myself and to save my marriage (not sure how much longer hubby will put up with me! he's says its like being married to two people).

I've read so many web blogs and posts here where people have managed to simply 'decide' not to drink anymore and achieved it. I'm not sure if I have that willpower. Usually after three days I'm climbing the walls and running to the shops to buy a bottle. How on earth do you all manage to get over that? Any advice would be very welcome.

Well today I plan not to drink.

[Alky]

Can I do this?

Lots of great advice from Molly. The key really is in taking it day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute. One reason I believe relapse rates are so high is that many times people make grandiose pronouncements after a bad experience proclaiming that they've learned their lesson and they're never going to drink again. But it's a different story in the days and weeks immediately following and you're feeling better and that voice comes creeping back. It really is more about learning how to live again rather than simply not drinking. Welcome and best wishes.

[Ginger999]

Can I do this?

Welcome WearyWino! I so get that weary part. It does get exhausting. Please check out Newbie Nest and the Toolbox. Links below...

You will find lots and lots of help and wisdom there. Read, post, read, post. When you feel like giving up, post at the Newbie Nest first. You will get tons of support to stay AL free there.

This is the best decision you will ever make (IMHO). Stay close!

[SoberSoul]

Can I do this?

To answer your question, "Yes, you can do this.." If I can anyone can. I have zero willpower but you will find that willpower has nothing to do with it. When you have truly decided to stop the constant drinking, thinking about drinking, planning to drink, trying not to drink and the rest of the merry-go-round, you will not need willpower. You will need support, contact with other like-minded people, the ability to stand back and 'watch' your cravings for what they are: just random habitual thoughts and a lot of desire for a better life. Once you want that for yourself, the program, with all it's ups and downs is very doable. When you believe you are worth it, it's very doable. You need to stay close to these boards, read and respond to these lovely people and follow sober blogs galore.

The only way to stop drinking and get the monkey off your back is to immerse yourself in your sobriety. The reward will be that your body, brain and soul will begin to live with vibrancy and authenticity again. Good luck. xoxo

[Running4life]

Can I do this?

Hi Weary:
I am also a weary one and your story sounds just like mine. I always desire wine as my reward for a hard workout and 6 pm is my witching hour as well. I think most of us can relate to your story so don't hold back. Keep posting because there is great support here. I caved after a week AF again but I am back at it and on day 2 again. I do get frustrated by we just have to keep doing it until it sticks and I am hopeful it will. It will just take hard work and the right mindset.
R4L

[j-vo]

Can I do this?

Hi Weary,
You've come to a great place to learn how to be in recovery. I say recovery because AF is just one part of the pie. Recovery is like Sobersoul explained. Connecting with others, helping and encouraging one another, learning how to ask for help and support when you need it, making it a priority in your life, as if you can't get this, then nothing else will change. It's not willpower. It's being able to open up to others, learn from each other, read other blogs, listen to podcasts such as the bubble hour, and submerging yourself in this. It's a part of your daily life. That may seem overwhelming at first, but what you put in is what you'll get out. This is a disease that needs to be attended to daily, just like any other. So glad you're here!

[Myluck]

Can I do this?

Hi weary. I think the key is to switch your focus to something else to help yourself to get over this addiction. Have also considered therapy? AA meetings (those didn't work for me but everybody different) - also getting a hobby can help to. I got into hot yoga and I am very happy

[little beagle]

Can I do this?

I quit drinking one day at a time. Used the toolbox. Read and posted at least twice daily. And was honest. With myself and the people here trying to help me.
MWO has changed my life and I hope it will change yours.

[Pavati]

Can I do this?

Hi, Weary:

I agree with all of the above. Addiction has not much to do with will power. Quitting takes total comittment and a lot of hard work. In addition to all of the tools mentioned above, I recommend listening to the podcast called The Bubble Hour. Here is a link to the episode on surviving the first few weeks: Early Sobriety - Am I ever going to feel better?

Join us in the Newbies Nest or find a thread that appeals to you - nothing to fear!

Pav

[Wearywino]

Can I do this?

Hello everyone - and thank you all so much for your welcome and words of advice. You are all quite right that I need to plan and work out how I'm going to tackle this. I hit my first hurdle last night (but it actually worked out OK in the end).

I didn't want to tell my husband or anyone that I am quitting drink - just wanted to get on with it quietly. I had made up my mind that I wasn't going to drink yesterday and felt good about my decision (didn't have any bad cravings). We went to see a show at the theatre last night - my usual pattern would be to have a couple of sneaky glasses before we left, a couple in the bar before the show, one at the interval and have a bottle hidden in the back of the fridge for when I got home.

Anyway - I didn't have drink before and when we arrived, I said to hubby that I wasn't thirsty but would prefer an ice-cream instead. The hiccup happened in the interval. As the ladies toilets always end up with a huge queue, I usually rush out as soon as the show finishes while hubby gets the drinks. So up I jump up and say to him: "Can you get me a Soda please," When I meet him in the bar he has got me a wine and soda (not something I would normally drink!) He said he thought he must have misheard me because I always have wine - so thought I must have meant a wine and soda.

So, as it was there (and cost the earth) I sipped it slowly, worrying that this one drink would ruin my evening because all I would be thinking about was how to get another one (and another and another - and I didn't have any wine in the fridge at home). But thankfully it didn't work out like that - when we got home, I made a cup of tea and drank that before going to bed. Woke up this morning feeling very clear headed for the very first time in a long time. I'm not kidding myself that I can moderate (I know this was just a fluke) but it was quite liberating to see what normal people must feel like when they go out for an evening. :thanks:

[available]

Can I do this?

Weary good on you but maybe it might be a good idea to tell your hubs that maybe you need a break from drinking for awhile so that he does not entice you to drink. So glad you realise that moderating is not an option. There are more fails with moderating than success. Actually i have not seen any success with moderating at all.

Isnt it lovely to wake up to see the sun instead of hiding from it, to listen to birds without wanting to shoot them.

I told my children that i was giving up drinking and they were a wealth of support, when i felt the urge/craving for a drink i would text them and they would say "no mum" and that was really all it took. It is hard after a few days, that al voice will try and entice you to drink, tell you that you werent that bad, that you deserve a drink etc etc etc. That is when you need support.

I did have a chuckle when he said he thought he misheard you though.

[little beagle]

Can I do this?

I too think having hubby on board will help. At least he will know what's going on.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Can I do this?

Welcome WW... my alter-ego could have written your story!

What was sad for me was when my kids got to know my excuses so well that they would give the excuse back to me as fact: "Mom, I know you can't drive at night because your eyes are tired from all of your computer work"....(Lies!)

Day 3 -4 is a hard time physically, as your brain and body are craving alcohol and sugar. Be ready with frozen yoghurt or ice cream. Reward yourself.

If you are leery to proclaim your Alcohol Free intention... I get that. Change your proclamation to, "I am trying a new detox diet so I can't drink for 30 days". No pressure to quit. People who love you will stop offering booze.

Hugs!!!