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    #1

    Family problems

    I just joined last Friday and want to thank all those who so warmly welcomed me.

    I have many questions, but want to start with this BIG one.

    Ever since my extended family found out about my "disease", as they call it (is that the correct term? It bothers me), they have jumped in to try to help "cure" me. Their intentions are good, but their constant talking about it is driving me crazy and driving me away from them. My partner has been helping me for several months and continues to do so-- and that (plus therapy, and this site) is all I need or want for now. Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you get them to back off when they truly believe it is up to them to "save" you? I have been struggling with the alcohol for a while and feel I need to find the best way to achieve my goal (which is the same as my family's) MOW. They are pressuring me to go into rehab and to adopt AA-- which I am convinced is not the right way for me. I am really comitted to overcoming this and am pretty sure I can do it, but only MOW. Also, I need a break from so much intense focus on my problem. I have other aspects to my life that I'd rather focus on. Any advice?

    --beatle

    btw-- I am in second AF week now. Also, I have done many AF stints on my own (berfore the whole family "found out"), lasting from a week to 2 months. This time I feel more confident than ever I can keep it up, but, again, only MOW.

    p.s. favourite living beatle: PM. Favourite non-living: GH. JL's great too. Ok, R, too.
    Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

    Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005
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    #2
    Family problems

    Hi Beatle,

    Perhaps you can tell them that all of their "help" is actually making it harder for you to want to stay AF. I, for one, do not like someone breathing down my neck about this issue which is mine to deal with.

    I think calling alcohol abuse a disease is offensive to those who have true diseases like cancer. We have a choice every day to pick up that drink or not. We do not have a disease.

    Best of luck to you!
    I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

    Comment

      #3
      Family problems

      Hi Beatle,

      I had the same problem, what made it worse for me was on my 5th AF day I suddenly felt a real high and was really happy ..... My family were convinced that I was drinking and that really hurt ....

      Just keep reminding yourself that you are doing this for YOU...

      Hang on in there ....

      BB xx
      sigpicXXX

      Comment

        #4
        Family problems

        Beatle, your family is very well-intentioned, but they need to understand that only you can make the decision as to whether you are truly going to stop (or use the MWO program, or AA, etc.). They can talk until they are blue in the face and it won't matter a bit as this is all about you.

        As far as calling it a disease, I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with Lushy. As far as a I know, nobody wanted to develop a drinking program or asked for the inability to control their drinking once they start. In that regard it is as much a 'disease' to me as anything else is.

        BTW, disease is a term for any condition that impairs the normal functioning of an organism or body. Of course, you could call it "Blue" at it wouldn't make a whole lot of difference - it is what it is in the end - a drinking problem...
        Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

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          #5
          Family problems

          (((Beatle)))

          I too don't like the term disease for alcoholism. I think of it as an allergy. For instance, I am allergic to grass. I sit on it and I get a rash. Is it a disease.....no, I just have to remember that I need a blanket or towel if I want to sit on it.....or I get the rash. Stop sitting on the grass.....no rash. Stop drinking.....no multitude of side-effects. There is no cure and no reason I can't go thru life just fine w/o sitting on the grass, or alcohol.

          But I have beaten that question to death.:sorry:

          I would not like others besides my husband (who is also AF day 22) to know I have stopped drinking. I don't want congrats or atta girls. You here who are going thru it w/me....bring on the congrats!:happy: But for others, I don't feel the need to tell them, except a few close friends. I tell them I am on a medication wherein I can't have alcohol. And I am, Campral.

          I would tell your relatives you don't want to go to AA, you are doing fine and please quit bringing it up. To appreciate their concern but you don't want it the topic of conversation all the time.

          Comment

            #6
            Family problems

            Hi Beatle,
            I love your response to who your favorite Beatle is, mind if I borrow that line?
            I am a huge Beatle Fan.
            I even had some subliminal hypno CD's made using old favorite Beatle songs.
            I feel sorry for you being bugged by the family etc.
            I never "talk" about my drinking issues, for that very reason.
            That's why this site is so great.
            AA is not for me, but some people do find it useful.
            The problem is the mind set of the general public is that AA is the only thing that works.
            Speak up for yourself, and tell well meaning folks, that you appreciate their concern, but you want to deal with this in silence. Then change the subject.
            Meow-Meow
            MonaKitty

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              #7
              Family problems

              I still love you AA, even if you do not think I am right 100% of the time.
              I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

              Comment

                #8
                Family problems

                I had the same problem. The worst one was someone in recovery himself (AA) who kept telling me I had a disease and I was in denial.
                I don't have a solution because people like him are brainwashed in my opinion. oh well, at least it keeps him sober.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Family problems

                  Beatle, It is great that you can see that they care about you and are trying to help, even if it is not exactly what you want. Since in your last post you said you had been in clinical detox several times recently, I'm going to assume you are not doing this on your own and have a dr. and anti-craving medication as well the MWO book, cds and all the vitamins and supplements. Can you just tell them that that type of rehab doesn't feel right for you but reassure them that you are in a comprehensive program with support and give them some info about the medication you are taking, etc. Then take your meds, join the abs group, log on here daily, post on the drink tracker faithfully, etc. Then tell them you are doing ok and want to focus on some other things as well so your whole life isn't about not drinking and ask for their support in keeping you active and involved in other things? Best of luck.

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