They were right: it IS progressive

[RedJib]

I''ve come back again (well, after some lurking, like most of us), after realizing in the past couple of months that I just couldn't fool myself into thinking my drinking wasn't worse--or, at least, "not much worse." What a load of crap. My consumption doubled over a two year period. I tried to pretend otherwise by switching from mostly wine to mostly spirits (vodka), but when I sat down last month and figured out my consumption of ABV....I finally connnected the dots between how lousy I often felt and how much I was really taking in.

Now hanging in at the one week mark, but that's no real feat for me (due to work patterns, I've done that same period scores of times in the past several years; it's remaining AF for two weeks or more that's a huge challenge.)

Where I live there are several AA groups, but none of the alternative types like Smart Recovery, Rational Recovery, etc., and I'm a bit frustrated by that. I won't let it stop me, though. I'll just have to rely more on support and ideas from on-line sources, like MWO and any others folks here can suggest.

The biggest hurdle, as I've experienced in every period of sobriety before, is that I'm exhausted from sleep deprivation, and my resolve then weakens...None of the herbal sleep remedies seem to have much effect, and even a Rx from my doc for Ambien didn't prevent restless sleep or keep my zonked out for more than four or five hours. This really is the worst part of getting sober, the thing I dread most.

Anyway, it's good to be back, and it's inspiring to read how others have made the journey to sustained sobriety.

[KENSHO]

They were right: it IS progressive

Hey RedJib. Just a shout out to say hi. Glad you are here, and keep up the work. I am not sleeping well either - and tired as hell. On day 7 myself. It's only the faith that it's better on the other side, cuz it doesn't feel that way now. Ciao!

[Alky]

They were right: it IS progressive

It is progressive. The first time I ended up in an emergency room, I told myself it was a fluke and it would never happen again. It happened again less than two months later. After the second time, I talked to my psychiatrist about upping my meds and decided I just needed more willpower. Nine more months of drinking alcoholically finally landed me in a detox ward. Finally, I thought I'd hit rock bottom and that this would be my wakeup call. A month and a half later, I'm back in an emergency room. This time I nearly lost my driver license to a medical suspension. That was my rock bottom. I've never had a DUI and have never had to face any "real" consequences from drinking up to that point. I decided then and there I was never going to put myself in a situation again which put my basic freedoms in danger. With the assistance of my AA sponsor I came to grips with the fact that I am powerless over alcohol and have not had a drink since and that was now over 30 days ago. It went by fast, and largely effortlessly I think because of that admission. By the way, any recovery program requires this self-actualization in some form. Which leads me to the question: what's wrong with AA? Have you been to a meeting? I ask this because there are a lot of people who have negative preconceived notions about AA who have "never tried it on."

[RedJib]

They were right: it IS progressive

Hey Kensho and Alky,
Thanks for the welcome (back). You and I are at nearly the same point, Kensho. I'm a day behind you (tomorrow is a full week.) Hanging in, hangin in, I think you know what I mean. . I just need to get some sleep.

And Alky, I have absolutely nothing against AA or anyone who follows that path. I'm a longtime non-believer in any higher power(s), and even if I tried to, it wouldn't stick. A different sort of support group would be great, but there aren't any around me (maybe informally, though, I need to ask more people.) I hear what you're saying about the need to get self-actualized. Working on it, really!

[available]

They were right: it IS progressive

Red welcome. My sleep pattern was total crap. went to work, came home, so tired but thought i could not go to sleep at 6pm as i would be awake at 1pm. Problem was when i did think by 10pm i could go to sleep i was awake and over tired so i came home from work, napped and if i was awake at 1pm i had at least had an hour or two's sleep.

I also came to realise that if i truly wanted to be af then a bit of sleep deprivation was nothing as i put the crap into my body and it needed time to heal. I also had horrendous headaches daily for about 5 weeks but i was not going to let lack of sleep and headaches make me drink again. Did we not have a horrible sleep when drunk and i woke up daily with a thudding head. The difference was i wake up sober everyday and now i sleep like the dead and no headaches.

Patience and time is what you need to accept. As the weeks go by you will notice that you are sleeping more. I was grateful for 5 to 6 hours of deep sleep and now I have 8. It all gets better in time and we have a lot of time on our hands now.

Congrats on your days. The early weeks of not drinking our al brain will always try and entice us to drink, to make us think that we "werent that bad" and that "a few wont hurt". Only us alkies realise what that one drink will do. Stay strong and determined and you wont fail.

[pixie]

They were right: it IS progressive

Welcome back Red!

I also had problems with falling asleep, it did eventually get better but it was very frustrating as that was one of my excuses to drink. Some things to maybe try if you haven't already: valerian, melatonin, tryptophan, magnesium, or antihistamines (often sold as an OTC sleep aid). Good luck, and congratulations on your AF time.

[pixie]

They were right: it IS progressive

Welcome back Red!

I also had problems with falling asleep, it did eventually get better but it was very frustrating as that was one of my excuses to drink. Some things to maybe try if you haven't already: valerian, melatonin, tryptophan, magnesium, or antihistamines (often sold as an OTC sleep aid). Good luck, and congratulations on your AF time.

[RedJib]

They were right: it IS progressive

Thanks for the encouragement, available. I will re-read your post in the days ahead when I'm wondering if this exhausted feeling will ever pass. It does... and it will. I just need to keep reminding myself. And like you said, waking up sober and tired is better than hungover and tired.

I waited until I had some annual vacation to make this change, and I realize in hindsight that's a good thing. I don't think I could have managed to work this past week. Normally, nobody would describe me as a wimp (I think?!), but that's exactly how I've felt in week 1.

Odd, too, that my dog will not leave my side these days. And she's been lying with her head across my feet, something she has never done before (she's 10). Trying to dissuade me from heading to the liquor cabinet? who knows? Clever girl.

[RedJib]

They were right: it IS progressive

thanks for those suggestions, pixie. I've tried them all (some in combination, too), and the only one which seems to have any effect--though it's short-acting--is an antihistamine, like Benadryl. Kinda leaves me feeling stunned/zoned-out the whole next day, though. Will try it tonight anyway.

[available]

They were right: it IS progressive

My dogs are forever grateful i am sure that i dont drink now. i have so much more time for them and they love the attention. Nothing before got in the way of my drinking. My avatar is my 11 year old who has epilepsy, i shudder to think how many times she probably had a seizure and needed me.

You are not a wimp to give up on vacation time, the less stress the better, the more you can be gentle with yourself and look after yourself then that is a good thing. You are the priority in this quit, this is your life you are battling for Red so you do whatever works.

Keep napping is my advice. I was so happy when i got to 4 hours sleep a night and it was so deep but then i woke feeling like i was hungover. I do not miss the bone tired feeling and i dont miss drinking anymore. The more days af the better life is. Its not easy, giving up something we loved, but i never regret what i have done.

Honestly the first few weeks are not easy and i used to read what the oldies said and always thought "what do they know", thinking they had just given up without any problems. I now know that if i put in the hard work then the benefits are amazing and they did and do know what they are talking about.

I have heard Benadryl is good for sleeping, some have used it on here.

[KENSHO]

They were right: it IS progressive

RedJib we're on the same day... 7 tomorrow. I relate to much of what you say. Sounds like you've done this a few times before?

[RedJib]

They were right: it IS progressive

Yes and no, Kensho. I've been AF for 7-day stretches repeatedly, because my work pattern is unusual and at the same time, intense. Drinking on the days I have to work is something I just can't/won't do (and until this past year, I rarely even thought about it.) And maybe because I don't view those AF days as being 'optional,' I haven't struggled in my head as much as I am right now--if that makes any sense? I do know that I end up in a repeat detox-type cycle each time at the beginning of that AF week, but I just stay busy, try to ignore the WD symptoms, and get through it. Of course I always know that 'relief' is just a few days away, too.

Deciding to stop AL when I didn't 'have to' is completely different: there's no [false] light at the end of my 7-day tunnel!

On a brighter note this morning, I actually slept for nearly six hours last night, after listening to a self-hypnosis recording and taking an antihistamine at bedtime. I feel almost human for the first time in a week. Yay! Hope your day is going ok too.

[KENSHO]

They were right: it IS progressive

So is your goal to quit long term this time RedJib? Glad you slept. I fell asleep at 1:30 and slept till 8:30. Yippie! Didn't have sleep problems first time I tried to quit. Makes me think you are right about "progressive". I have told myself for a long time that I didn't REALLY have a problem, because I didn't usually consume more than 2.5-3.5 drinks per night. It's the "per night" that bothered me, and that I couldn't happily have just one, though it happened from time to time when circumstances arose. I haven't had any MAJOR problems due to AL, but all the subtle ones were adding up. And I was worried I was going down a bad progressive path - which is why your post interested me so much. I am not in the ER, or jail and I run a successful business - so why quit? I still struggle with it a bit - hoping I can moderate to 1-2 drinks per week - but that was a long time ago that I thoughtlessly did that. SUCKS. In other words, there isn't ANY outside motivation for me to quit - just a desire to be healthy and not set myself up for worse problems. I know it's not healthy to be excited at 10am for what I can drink later in the day. Yet I SO don't want to be the one who is not participating in our gatherings, bike&brew tours, etc. I'm still undecided if I will try to make quitting a forever decision - but I know I don't want to do it every night and I don't want to constantly be thinking about it. What a f-ing curse! Pisses me off - but so it goes. Hope your day is a good one!

[peppersnow]

They were right: it IS progressive

Hi Red - welcome back! This is my second go as well, first time in 2012 but I relapsed at 60 days, thinking I could moderate...ending up doubling my consumption until I quit again 4 months ago, this time forever.

For me the exhaustion this time lasted over 2 weeks, and I was afraid it would never let up. Eventhough I had to go to bed at like 8:30 every night, I did have a hard time sleeping and staying asleep. After the 24/7 exhaustion let up around week 3, I concocted this cocktail of supplements that I still take and which help me fall asleep and stay asleep, for the most part. I have a snack before bed involving peanut butter and milk, and then take GABA, magnesium, and 5HTP. I started the GABA and mag early in my quit, and added the 5HTP a few weeks ago, which has definitely impacted my quality of sleep more than anything else I've tried.

Hang in there - the first month is the worst as far as regulating your new sleep cycles without AL in your system.

[YouKayBee]

They were right: it IS progressive

I think sometimes accepting whatever help is available is important but make it work for you.

I'm not a God or superior being type person, however in my recovery I have developed a belief system that keeps me going. It's based on a mantra of "everything happens for a reason". I even started going to a church, but it's a multi faith church and you don't have to believe in any God, so long as you understand it's all about being nice to each other, appreciating the world and trying to get through as best you can.

You could ignore the higher power bit, just go get the support.