They were right: it IS progressive
I appreciate your perspectives and suggestions everybody; thankyou.
Yes, Kensho, this time I'm going into it with the belief that it has to be forever. When I quit AL for four months in 2011, I thought after awhile that I could manage moderation. (We had friends come stay for a week from San Francisco, and they brought a selection of really fine wines from a private winery in Sonoma. At first, I thought AL actually tasted weird and a bit unpleasant, but by the second or third day, I was enjoying a glass of wine with meals, etc. It made me think, why not? I can do this without giving in to excess, without obsessing about it... No problem, right? Six months later I knew: Wrong!)
And Ken, you didn't actually say so, but I'm guessing from what you wrote that the people around you aren't aware of the degree to which AL has got a grip on your life. If so, we have that in common, too. I made a joke at a staff social function recently about being a boozer, and everybody guffawed and made remarks like "You? Ha! Mr. Jock-who-never-takes-a-sick-day?" Maybe it's just luck that I haven't had serious health or legal problems due to AL abuse, and luckier still that my alcoholism isn't the type that leaves me physically dependent on it everyday.
But I'm not under any illusions anymore: a high functioning alcoholic is still an alcoholic, and consumption increases. That's why I started this thead by saying that I get it now: it's progressive. I don't have quite as many AF days as I did, say, five years, ago, but I still have lots of them. The difference, and what has led me to such a need to straighten up my life, is that it's been rare on a drinking day for me recently to drink less than half a bottle of liquor (8-10 drinks), often with a glass or two of wine as well.
I was a sociable, loquacious drinker, never got into arguments or fights, and with rare exceptions, was able to pass under the radar of alcoholic-spotters. But I felt awful so much of the time afterwards, and I found that there was this little voice in my head all the time saying "you've got to stop. you've got to stop."
And I have. Gosh I hope I can do this.
I appreciate your perspectives and suggestions everybody; thankyou.
Yes, Kensho, this time I'm going into it with the belief that it has to be forever. When I quit AL for four months in 2011, I thought after awhile that I could manage moderation. (We had friends come stay for a week from San Francisco, and they brought a selection of really fine wines from a private winery in Sonoma. At first, I thought AL actually tasted weird and a bit unpleasant, but by the second or third day, I was enjoying a glass of wine with meals, etc. It made me think, why not? I can do this without giving in to excess, without obsessing about it... No problem, right? Six months later I knew: Wrong!)
And Ken, you didn't actually say so, but I'm guessing from what you wrote that the people around you aren't aware of the degree to which AL has got a grip on your life. If so, we have that in common, too. I made a joke at a staff social function recently about being a boozer, and everybody guffawed and made remarks like "You? Ha! Mr. Jock-who-never-takes-a-sick-day?" Maybe it's just luck that I haven't had serious health or legal problems due to AL abuse, and luckier still that my alcoholism isn't the type that leaves me physically dependent on it everyday.
But I'm not under any illusions anymore: a high functioning alcoholic is still an alcoholic, and consumption increases. That's why I started this thead by saying that I get it now: it's progressive. I don't have quite as many AF days as I did, say, five years, ago, but I still have lots of them. The difference, and what has led me to such a need to straighten up my life, is that it's been rare on a drinking day for me recently to drink less than half a bottle of liquor (8-10 drinks), often with a glass or two of wine as well.
I was a sociable, loquacious drinker, never got into arguments or fights, and with rare exceptions, was able to pass under the radar of alcoholic-spotters. But I felt awful so much of the time afterwards, and I found that there was this little voice in my head all the time saying "you've got to stop. you've got to stop."
And I have. Gosh I hope I can do this.
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