New here

[paraniod]

Hi, :new: . I am really scared about this change. I have some huge regrets from my last bender which was a few nights ago. I blacked out and don't remember much at all. I am told that I didn't do anything wrong. But I have this dreaded feeling that I did. I seem to get this paranoia everytime I black out and it doesn't matter how many people tell me that I didn't do anything wrong, I still feel like I made a complete ass out of myself and possibly even acted really stupid in front of my kids. As I said I was told that I didn't do anything stupid but something keeps making me feel like I did.
Does anyone else do this? The last time I did this was over 2 years ago, and I thought it would never happen again. Then I got into a really uncomfortable situation where I was having panick attacks and wanted to go home and couldn't go.
I am rambling but I am really hurting right now. I can't help but keep beating myself up.:upset:

[workingitout]

New here

Hi. Don't beat yourself up. It's not worth it. Look at it as something that happened and try and do it different next time. I too had a very embarrassing blackout in front of some friends about 3 years ago. Normally, I controlled my drinking around them but let loose that night. Sometimes when we are together they bring it up and start to mention some of the things I said and did. I stop them and tell them I don't want to hear about it. To them it's a joke, but to me it's horrifying. I was embarrassed after but I don't beat myself up for it. I've just learned to keep it under control when I'm around them. Can't say much though for when I'm alone at the house or that should probably be a

Anyway, you've found a good place. Keep posting and reading.

:welcome:

[rottrod]

New here

Welcome Paranoid
You will find many kindred spirits here.
I can't tell you how many times I've done the same thing, except that I don't have kids, only older step children. A little beating yourself goes a long way and then you have to stop that too. You have to take action. Get the book. Decide what part of the program might be right for you. Read as much as you can right here. These folks know first had how to deal with this very issue and they care very much about you, about me, and each other.

You will find strength and inspiration here.

Melissa

[paraniod]

New here

Thanks for the replies. I really hate that it makes me feel better to know that others have been there. Why should hearing about someone elses embarrassement make me feel less embarrased? Crazy. But it does make me feel tremendously better and I think I will try to sleep tonight without taking pills.
Do you wake up in cold sweats after a black out for days?:thanks:

[louise]

New here

Welcome Paranoid. Hey, at least you were brave enough to admit you didn't remember and ask what you did! I never want to know I'm so embarrassed and horrified. Blackouts are very scary. Your paranoia could just be that fear of being that out of control combined with all the horrible withdrawal symptoms. And many of us have been there with it will never happen again and then it does and so we end up here. Your body is detoxing - hang in there.

[goingsobermum]

New here

Hi Paranoid,
You'll have to change that name as you get into the program and start feeling less so! Paranoia is common among heavy drinkers, zinc and b-vitamins are excreted and deficiency occurs. So a combination of supplements and lowered alcohol consumption should help wonders. There is a B-complex amongst the sups in the health store here. I'm not sure about how much zinc is in the all in one though and it is best taken alone and on an empty stomach at night, that said the book 7 weeks to sobriety recommends 25mg zinc morning and evening for paranoia . I used to hate going out of the house after a heavy night in case I saw someone who might comment about the night before or how bad I looked. I guess part of that was due to the deficiencies.

[Kitty]

New here

Hi Paranoid,

Yep I think alot of us have the "what did I do last night" T-shirt.

One of my worst was a Halloween party at my old job a couple of years ago. I went as the Bride of Frankenstein and boy was I!!!!! Kinda funny now but I was a manager there at the time and I don't think I ever really recovered my reputation, I still shudder now when I think of it.

And yes friends love to remind you of things, I came to realise that it is not such a big deal to them even when we feel mortified. Yesterday's news is today's chip paper!

I stopped going to works do's after that or if I did go I would only go for a little while and drink Coke and felt even more conspicous.

You will feel better soon, and I wish you well.



Kitty

[buffy]

New here

Hi Paranoid....so sorry you are feeling like that...goes with the territory, as they say. I have had that feeling many times. Do something for yourself today.....forgive yourself for being human. Go out for a walk, or run....take a hot shower....take a nap.....you will feel better tomorrow. Make a decision to get on here and vent as much as possible. The book is good and all the advice and friendship on here is priceless. Big hug.....Buffy

[paraniod]

New here

You people are so awesome, Thanks for helping me out of this. I will definently look into the books and get the right vit's and min's. Once again thankyou, I am glad to know there are people like you.

[paula]

New here

HI we've all done things in blackout, which is terrifying, the silly thing is we tend to
dwell on them much more than the people were with.
Today is a new day, forget about yesterday.
Love Paula.