Some advice please

[Daisy38]

Phew hard to know where to start......... I had been doing very well not drinking at functions, work or social, but enjoying a couple of glasses of wine with my then boyfriend now husband at the weekends, until I got a promotion at work all of a sudden I had people who I had previously admired telling me I wasn't fun because I didn't drink, that they don't trust people who don't drink, I let myself feel the pressure and in a desperate hope of acceptance I started the cycle of drinking too much and have now blacked out 3 times this year the last heavy session was Saturday, I hurt my husband when this happens I know I'm more desperate to keep my family than have a drink. But I'm scared, I'm scared my husband will think I'm boring, I'm scared people at work won't accept me, my work is a lifestyle where we socialise together as well as work together this is how our careers progress. I'm tied into a long contract which isn't possible for me to get out of. It is extremely lonely feeling this way and not knowing an appropriate way forward, I'm not even sure if I am an alcoholic or a problem drinker. I'd really appreciate your thoughts it may help me to decide which direction I need to take, thank you for taking the time to read this xx

[Samstone]

Some advice please

Welcome Daisy38!!
couple things.... 1) Never, ever, do I care what people think in regards to whether I drink or not (or other things for that matter). It is none of their damn business, just as it is none of my business what they do, unless it affects me. 2) whether you are an alcoholic is something that is only known to you, in your guts if you think you drink too much. Look at this link for some guidance: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...ism-44263.html

be well,
Sam

[Samstone]

Some advice please

Welcome Daisy38!!
couple things.... 1) Never, ever, do I care what people think in regards to whether I drink or not (or other things for that matter). It is none of their damn business, just as it is none of my business what they do, unless it affects me. 2) whether you are an alcoholic is something that is only known to you, in your guts if you think you drink too much. Look at this link for some guidance: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...ism-44263.html

be well,
Sam

[Daisy38]

Some advice please

Sam,
Thank you for your strong words I do appreciate your advice, I wish I knew some people as confident as you, it would make my life a lot easier One person I do care about and what he thinks is my husband he is a good man and deserves better. I had a look at the link you gave me which was very helpful, I can relate to some of the areas Mario mentions but not the more severe symptoms in stage 4. My husband and I are on a pre planned health kick so no al for either of us for the next few weeks so I have some time to decide on what I should do after our health kick.

[Daisy38]

Some advice please

Thank you mollyka and congratulations on your sober time and NF time you go whoop, whoop!

[available]

Some advice please

Welcome daisy. For me i knew my al consumption was getting bad when i was blacking out. A sure sign for me that i was not a normal drinker.

Wise wise words from Sam. I protect my quit with my life, i do not care what other people think of me. If they dont like me drinking then they have a problem, not me. I am happier sober and life is wonderful.

I was never as bad as anyone with my drinking but once i stopped i realised i am a raging alcoholic and i never want to be like that again.

take care.

[Daisy38]

Some advice please

This may be slightly too personal but how do you go about telling those close to you, you may have a drinking problem. My husband has no idea about some of things I have done in my past, before I met him I did some awful things when I had been drinking I don't want to become that person again for me or him, but I feel as if I might be at the start of the slope again which could ruin the life we have built. He has no idea I think I might have a drinking problem and I'm not sure how he would react, I did try to approach this with him but he is so nice he just identifies that I don't drink as much as other people we know

[Samstone]

Some advice please

Daisy
maybe you don't have to dwell on your past, but how things are being affected now. Perhaps stay in the present because you're seeing the problem now as well as then. Your past is merely a guideline that tells you things are amiss... just a thought....

Your husband is your partner, he should understand that things seem to be getting out of hand for you.
Sam

[available]

Some advice please

Maybe your partner knows more than you think. Many of us thought we were good at hiding our drinking and it turns out that those closest to us knew but not the full extent. You dont need to blurt it out to the world that you drink too much but if you want your husbands support then be honest. a major part of becoming sober is the truth. no more lies and being accountable.

[Marylou123]

Some advice please

Hi Daisy,

Welcome to MWO - and good for you for looking hard at yourself. There is absolutely NO reason you should have to drink to progress professionally. I drank for years and years. And I am a professional woman, high level, client facing. And was so funny, social, life of the party. It's all BS. I am sober now and better in every way professionally. You will be too.

The next 30 days are a gift to stop drinking, no explanation needed. I am proud to say "I don't drink now" but from time to time, especially when out with friends, I just claim the designated driver spot. And most of the time, I get to drink non-al drinks free all night!

Unfortunately, my marriage didn't withstand my drinking (along with many other issues) but being sober is allowing hubs and I to divorce amicably.

Daisy, you're in such a good place right here and right now to change direction, take charge and have the life you deserve.

You go sister - you have the support of all of us.

[Byrdlady]

Some advice please

Hey Daisy, you are in great company. Be sure to check out the 2 links in my signature line. Newbie's Nest is just like it sounds, a great place to learn the skills and tools you need to get underway. The Tool Box is a treasure-trove of information taken from 7 years of people just like you. Welcome aboard! See you in the nest! Byrdie

[daisy45]

Some advice please

Daisy38;1685271 wrote: all of a sudden I had people who I had previously admired telling me I wasn't fun because I didn't drink, that they don't trust people who don't drink, I let myself feel the pressure and in a desperate hope of acceptance I started the cycle of drinking too muchxx

Daisy38, these people did not think you were boring and the couldn't trust you....they simply did not want a non-drinker in their presence. I hated sitting with non-drinkers because they were 'on to me'! They would watch and hear me being drunk....and remember next day. Part of me envied sober people....I respected them and wanted to be like them, but while drinking I simply did not want them to be witness to what an ass I was!

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Some advice please

Welcome Daisy!

Congratulations on choosing to become Alcohol Free. It IS a choice, right? And like others have said, some drinking people will try to guilt you into drinking out of ignorance and fear.... it's a sign of their immaturity to be sure.

As for your husband... "for better or worse. In sickness and in health. I will honor and cherish you for the rest of our days"... :h in my situation, I had to tell my husband I had a problem, because just as he is my now biggest supporter, he used to be my biggest saboteur, as I never told him how horribly alcohol impacted my brain. If I had been honest, he would have helped me much earlier in our marriage, but I didn't want to lose our marriage, and I was afraid we wouldn't click if we weren't drinking anymore.

I would "black out" too, if blacking out means that I would stay up way too late, drink senselessly, call long lost friends in earlier time zones, post stupid stuff on FB, and then......... drum roll............ not remember ANY of it the next morning.

I would wake up and not know where I was. What I did. Who I did or did not tick off. Who I hurt SO horribly. What to apologize for... And then try to function throughout the day as if nothing was wrong.

I asked my husband to stop drinking, to support me, and he did. He wasn't too happy at first, and was almost pouting- much too early to bed, no physical affection. We were ships passing in the night. I was scared I had lost him.

But time has helped us. We are stronger now than before- life isn't perfect, and we will get better, I know. :l

The peace of mind that is now in our home.. Daisy, we no longer have a third "partner" in our relationship. We no longer go to the fancy wine store on Saturdays and taste a bunch of grape juice.... and then start our happy hour at 2 pm to be $hitfaced by 8 pm... my husband passed out by 10 pm so that I could continue by insanity until I blacked out. We no longer greet Sunday mornings with FB postings of Festive Bloody Mary's, that are "liked" by 97 people!

We no longer have to make excuses as to why we can't drive our kids somewhere in the evenings. Our teenage children now bring their friends around as we are no longer loose cannons. We no longer have this third, elusive drinking personality that we have to appease so that we like each other.

Believe it or not, we actually like each other sober! Yes, the journey was uncertain at the beginning, but we've been rewarded with peace in our home, Daisy. We aren't boring, or dull, or party poopers... nor do we judge those that are drinking.

Hugs and Peace to you. :h

[Daisy38]

Some advice please

Your advice has given me a lot to contemplate, thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me xx

[Alky]

Some advice please

Hello Daisy38, I have to agree with whomever said that your colleagues just didn't want a non-drinker in their presence. In my on-again, off-again struggles with alcoholism, I have not had a single colleague or friend that was nothing but supportive of my efforts. Ironically, the only place I did find people to be unsupportive was my first AA homegroup, but I digress (I found another homegroup).

That little voice inside your mind that you can't ever turn off is making you worry about a bunch of things you don't even know the answer to yet! What if this thing with your colleagues is just a momentary aberration on their part? Since they know you as a drinker, maybe this is just their way of registering surprise at your newfound desire to quit drinking. Not that I'm trying to say their reaction was appropriate, but you don't need me to tell you humans often act inappropriately, with or without the influence of chemicals. What if your husband doesn't find you boring? There's no point creating problems that may be imaginary. By the way, I was the king of this. I would create problems in my mind, convince myself I was right, then go try to drink to forget my imaginary problems

Good luck and best wishes.