Light bulb moment

[paraniod]

I am not sure if I am still supposed to be posting on the newbies or not so please let me know or move if needed.

I was waiting for coffee today after dropping my kids off at school and trying so hard to forget about the weekend. When I realized.


The last 4 black outs I have had, have all happened when I was somewhere I did not want to be but felt pressured to be at.
To clarify: 5 or so years ago, I went to a friends wedding, I told my mom that I did not want to go to the barbeque the night before, she told me I was being silly and that I had known these people since I was in grade school and that I should go. So I went and made a COMPLETE ass out of myself. I was uncomfortable and needed to relax.
2nd one: was about 2 years ago. My brother in law was in town and he loves to go out drinking, which I never do, at the end of the visit he finally talked me into going, well needless to say after 7 appletini's...
3rd one: My class reunion, I did not want to go the the Friday night bash. But I did. It wasn't a total blackout, but I was definantly heading there when my husband made me leave.
4th one: just a couple of nights ago. Camping with people that I am not comfortable with and don't want to be around. I knew if I told my husband that I wanted to leave he would have said no and been mad at me. I was over 2 hours from home and would have had to drive back the next day to pick them up.

All of these situations could have been avoided if I would have listened to myself and not feel obligated. Why do I do that?

[goingsobermum]

Light bulb moment

Because you were bought up to be a good girl, do what was expected of you and not follow your heart I expect. I'm glad the light came on, keep it on, pay attention to what you want with your life and realise that you have to be the one to go and grab it, you can't expect others to do that, they are to busy expecting you to be good and not rock the boat but you might have to to get your life sorted.

[InnerStrength]

Light bulb moment

Because often, we are pleasers. Not trying to generalize but I have heard this over and over again. We try to please others and worry about letting others down/disappointing them/having them look down at us, often to our own detriment.
I suffer from this too and can 100% relate. Thanks for sharing and welcome.
Jen

[paraniod]

Light bulb moment

Thank you. You are right, I do put myself into compromising positions because I don't want to let someone down or say no. what a mess. I will never do that to my daughter.

[chrysa]

Light bulb moment

Dear para..you can post anywhere you want to at anytime. I think it is often part of the profile of a female drinker ...was taught to be a good girl be perfect..and we are uncomfortable in that role..who wouldn't be..and we say yes..

I fianlly learned a few years ago to say No..it is really OK to say no...you don't lose friends, nobody really cares that much and if they do they get over it..

It is simply too exhausting to say yes to everything...I burnt out ..especially since I am basically an introvert...

My husband sometimes thinks that I am rude & totally antisocial..I don't care anymore...I think because I don't care really if anyone likes me or not..that might come with age...

[paraniod]

Light bulb moment

you know in all honesty I am an introvert too. I do like to be around people but when I am ready to go to bed or to do my own thing, I just want to be left alone. My husband doesn't get it, he gets mad if I don't want to do anything but read or watch tv or hang out at home. I am learning alot from all of you. Thank you.