Back again

[winterwalk]

Hi, I feel a bit of a fraud posting in the newbie section as I 've been on this site for years, either just reading and over the past year posting sometimes.
I'm back to the viscous cycle, getting up feeling crap, sat here now feeling low, headache, dark under my eyes that feel sore and tired, but I know, like every other day for the past 6 weeks that I'll get to 5pm or so and start to feel better and think, well it is Friday, or I'll not have any tomorrow, or just a couple of glasses and it all begins again! sometimes I do have just a couple, sometimes I don't, sometimes I feel drunk, sometimes I don't but I hate it! I've just been reading some ones link about the reptile brain and all the excuses we give ourselves, its so true, everybody is doing it, "well its Summer, enjoy the weather while you can and sit out on the garden with a glass of booze" " you only live once" "go on, one glass won't hurt" argh, I can't believe I leave all sanity at the same time every night!! I convince myself it'll be fine!!
I gave up for 4 months just after Christmas but started back again trying to moderate and have just slipped back into old habits'. I would appreciate any supportive words or reasons to stop again at this point so I can come back on before the witching hour sets in and keep to my senses! I know being AF is fabulous I just need to get back there and break this cycle.

[available]

Back again

Hi Winter, well i beat you, 2011 for me and i finally got it and i'm still on the newbies nest but now giving advice and taking it still though. My how times have changed. I do know if it was not for the support i would be still drinking and still justifying drinking and still hitting the repeat button daily with every excuse i could think of and then sometimes i didnt need an excuse, the sky was blue, that would suffice.
You know how good you felt for those 4 months and thats a great stint of being af. then you thought you could moderate and then you ran from here and there is your downfall. For me this is my AA, i log in twice daily, i figure that i am in recovery and that takes work, hard work still some days.

Today i took my son to the airport at 5am, awake at 3.30am. he said to me that if i had of been drinking i would have been so angry that i HAD to do this (hes my son for gods sakes) and i would have been still drunk and hungover. Instead i went for an hours walk, something i would never have dreamed of 8 months ago and went to work.

I cant moderate, ive tried and failed dismally and that is when i left here. No one i know on here has successfully moderated WW so you are not alone. Take one day at a time and for that day dont drink, read and stay on here religously, have a quit buddy to help you, pm mwoers, we are here to help. After the first week or two there is nothing like waking up sober and in control. i could give a list a mile long of how sobriety has changed my liife for the better and there would not be one thing on my list of why i liked drinking.

head to the newbies, there are a few just starting out with their day one. You will be okay WW, we are all only okay at the beginning. I still get those al thoughts and sometimes they will hang around for a few days like a bad smell (just had one) but nothing will entice me to drink again, i cant let my children down and i cant let myself down.

[Pie]

Back again

Hi Winter,

I too started at MWO years ago, and have recently returned to this wonderful place for support in removing alcohol from my life. And like you, I initially thought I didn't belong in the Newbies Nest, but this is exactly the right place for me and anyone learning to live life without AL.

I'm just 29 days in, and find great comfort in sharing this journey with other Nesters. Who knows, maybe one day you and I will be able help others as Ava is doing.

Best,
Pie

[winterwalk]

Back again

Thanks, both of you, it means a lot to get support. I know what you mean Available, my kids are teenagers and I think of all those times when I couldn't pick them up or take them places because I'd had a drink and all the lost times I could have had enjoying myself with them the next day, all because of this bloody addictive drug! they're the ones who made me realise it's not worth it. Well done you for being there for your son.
Thanks Pie, I don't feel so embarrassed now posting in the Newbies, yet again! I'll keep coming on morning and night! x

[available]

Back again

We are all serial offenders but then somethin clicks in us and we "get it". i dont know why i "got it" this time but i am grateful that i did. WW you have much to contribute to the NN on not moderating as it only leads to trouble ha ha.

I had to stop drinking for my kids, i was losing my eldest daughter, she was pushing me away and i knew i had a choice to make and at the end of the day there was no choice to make. My children are my world and nothing will stand in the way of me being their mother. I realise that now, i wish i had of realised that when they were younger but they are all very proud of me and they are my biggest support network other than here. EVen my mother told me how proud she was of me when i visited last month and to hear that was just so wonderful. I have gained so much from being sober and staying sober. Of course i feel deprived and of course i think sometimes i can just have one but for us alkies, one is never enough and let that al brain function again and i know i am a gonner.

I did not have big plans and i still dont. My plan was to not drink AT anyone and to be accountable to myself and to be here daily and to be gentle with me for the time being. It is only now i have added exercise, im so not in a hurry ha ha. If i pressure myself i will have a greater chance at failure, so no pressure, no failure!

[Byrdlady]

Back again

Hells Bells, WW, if the Newbie's Nest were just for first time offenders it'd be empty! It's a great place to stick your foot out of the hamster wheel and stop the cycle of madness. This is a site for alkie's, we understand the power of this addiction. I finally had to check my ego at the door and admit I needed help....and I got it!!! Welcome back! Byrdie

[momofthree]

Back again

Newbies Nest or not, its just a name for a thread. Its a great place for support and people have been there for years still looking for help or supporting, and most times both. Moderating just perhaps isn't in the cards for you, I know it isn't for me. One leads to two, and two leads to the whole bottle or more and I just cant do that anymore. Take it day by day, moment by moment, post when youre feeling weak and need support, even reading over others posts helps as well. And it is only Friday, there is really no difference between this day and a Monday when it comes to drinking. Its just a thought pattern you and we all have developed over the years that needs to be rewired. Maybe try shopping or a trip to the spa, that will get you relaxed without a hangover in the morning. Search for a new drink to keep on hand at all times when you have the urge, eat something, anything will help other then picking up the bottle...and I tell myself that a lot.

[NoSugar]

Back again

I heard an addiction specialist say that if you think you can moderate, try this:

Each and every day for 30 days, have exactly 1 unit -no more, no less- of your favorite poison. If you can do that, you are right, you can drink moderately.

I think I could do it if for some reason I had to but my life would be ruined by the stress and feelings of deprivation. A true moderate drinker wouldn't even think about it except at the time he or she was supposed to consume a unit. Such a person would probably even have to set an alarm to remember to do it. I know I would be thinking about it from the moment I got up until the time arrived. Then I would spend the rest of the day miserable b/c I could not have more.

That is not moderation - it is obsession!

Head on over to the NN - you did it once and you can do it again!

[See the Light]

Back again

My last few attempts at moderation were a humerous perversion of 3rd grade math. I read once that if you have more than 2 drinks a day you have a problem. So I decide 2 has to be my limit. By day 2 of this I decide that 3 on 1 day and 1 the next is the same thing, so I "borrow" one from the next day. Well of course next day comes and 1 ain't gonna do it, so I still "need" 2 that day, so I'll just skip a day and catch up. By day 4 or 5 I was "borrowing" from some time in the future that probably exceeded a few weeks and was too hard to track...so screw it, might as well increase that daily limit to 3 or 4. In short time, those #s just seemed small again. I will never play cards with myself for this very reason

[paulywogg]

Back again

Winterwalk,you can get it back again,this crap is so progressive it's scary! for some reason when i have a good af stretch then decide to stupidly drink again"just a couple"it turns into drinking MORE than i ever could have even in my regular drinking days,i was at the doc's the other day and i was honest with him about how much i had been drinking and he told me"you gotta fight the good fight"for some reason those words gave me much needed strentgh,please just get rid of all the al,and screw that 5 o'clock call! i just wanted my normal life back so bad,don't you?wishing you strength

[winterwalk]

Back again

Thanks everyone, for the kind words and encouragement, I'm exactly the same with moderating and your experiences have struck a cord, if try to moderate I just become obsessed all day with what, when, where I'm going to drink and it shouldn't be like that, then I have to try and control the amount, and some times I can and just have 2 glasses (but that's not the same size glasses recommended anyway so I'm kidding myself right from the start!) but mostly I can't stick to it. I'm so much happier when I just quick all together, last night I didn't have anything to drink, I just need a couple of days AF to break the habit again. I'm feeling optimistic and will keep close to this fab site again, thanks again everyone and keep up with it, don't give in, take it from one who recently got seduced yet again by the romantic visions of alcohol! its just an addictive, destructive drug that pulls you way down, then tries to creep back into your head when you start to feel most in control and well again and the cycle starts all over again xx

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Back again

See the Light.......

THANK YOU for your 3rd grade math example... that is how my brain works too!

Welcome back, Winter Walk. I think Chief posted many moons ago that moderating was too complicated and at the time, I scoffed at his post because I KNEW I could moderate. WRONG!
There truly is a sense of relief when option B is off the table, and being happy without all of the nonsensical rationalization clouding one's judgement.

Just don't f'ing drink!

Patty

[It's My Time]

Back again

Hi Winter Walk,
I completely relate to your experiences with moderating. In addition to the newbie's forum, I have also found the topic "Anyone else in the first week of their umpteenth quit" in the general forums really helpful. There are people there who have tried to moderate or quit multiple times, and who, like me, and dusting themselves off and trying again. And, many of them are achieving long-term success this time. Keep it up - there's a lot to be learned from the times you have gone back to old habits, that can help with success in the here and now.

[See the Light]

Back again

WW_ Hope you fought the good fight over the weekend and you will return with stories of progress or continued fighting?

[winterwalk]

Back again

Thanks everyone for the advice and encouragement, yes See the light, I did! I went the weekend and am still AF!! so feeling more upbeat and a lot healthier! thank you for thinking about me.

still finding it difficult to get to sleep but I know that when I do finally drop off its a much healthier sleep so I don't mind, I know it'll change too. Its lovely to wake up in the mornings again without a massive guilty feeling and then as the day goes on remembering little bits of the night before and cringing!
Thanks everyone and good luck to everyone else, I'm not resting on my laurels, I know those thoughts start to creep back in when you feel well again so I'm prepared! if I feel like a drink I have a AF beer, I never took to the AF wines but the beer I have does the trick, and if I go to a BBQ etc I'll take a couple with me, I enjoy the taste and they get people off your back as you can't tell they're AF.
xxx