If you are on the forum it is likely that you have an addictive personality. Most frequently it is associated with having negative character traits, it does however, also make the person extremely goal oriented.
Before my quit, almost two years ago, I was quitting almost every weekend. I was both a drinker and a smoker. After one particularly embarrassing night out I decided to quit for the millionth time and surprisingly to me still, I am still sober and smoke free, two years later. I am extremely happy and also curious why that time was special. As a drinker it was not the first time I embarrassed myself on a Friday night. It was not the first time that that I felt awful and guilty in the morning. But for some reason that time was different. Perhaps it is just a numbers game, like with anything else in life. Try enough times and you will succeed at anything.
Addictive personality also brings out some traits in me that I believe add great value in my life. I am perfectionist, I am determined and goal oriented, if someone says "I can't" I hear "I can". In fact the best way to motivate me is to tell me I can't do something.
However, I still do struggle with this character flaw / hidden power?!?!?! Since the beginning of the year I have tried to get into a very good shape. I exercise a tonne, eat well and then ruin weeks or months of training by going off the rails for a week. July and August I spent pretty much killing myself at the gym in the mornings and in the evenings. Always choosing the stairs if that was an option. And then all this progress would be undermined by a few days of uncontrolled eating. And it is incredibly frustrating to spend 25 days out of 30 being incredibly productive and focused, just to see all your gains erased in a few days. You have to eat every day, unlike alcohol, which you can refuse to drink permanently.
I really do understand what it is like to really want something, working hard for it and then missing the goal because of a bad decision. I see many go through the same frustration with alcohol. They would make all the right choices for weeks or even months and then ruin it all by one bad decision, one yes in stead of a no, one slip, one misjudgement. I guess the moral of this story is that every quit brings us closer to our goal, every attempt that fails is practice. So try not to dwell on it, as hard as it can be, learn, remember and try again and again. Maths is on your side
Have a good day everyone!
Allan
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