12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

[okoren1]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

Ditto what Eloise said...Turnagain, that was a masterful treatise! Thanks

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

Good morning Matt,

Hats off to Day 13! I've never been to an AA meeting, and while I've read about their program, I don't walk their walk (and if I do, it's unknowingly).

Your wife has probably noticed the lack of alcohol in your daily habits. She has probably offered secret prayers to her God, wishing that you continue your sobriety. She did say, "for better or worse", after all, and she is probably crossing every finger and toe in hopes that you will stay sober.

Do you have alcohol in your house? What is her relationship with alcohol: does she drink in front of you, or does she not drink at all?

If you were my husband and I wasn't much of a drinker... and if there is alcohol in your house, I would collect all of the bottles today near the kitchen sink.... and I'd say, "honey, can you use any of this stuff in cooking?" And if she says no, then I would start pouring that poison down the drain. Bottle by bottle. Your actions let her know that you are serious in your commitment to yourself, to your family, to your future. Tell her what Autumn said, in your own words... "I can't promise about tomorrow, but today, you are my promise".

:l Hugs! Patty

[Eloise]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

Hey Matt! Happy to see you on the Newbie Nest rollcall, cool.
Nice thread here, lots of enthusiasm for your worthwhile efforts, lovely. :wd:

[Matt M.]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

NotHappyHourHappyLife;1694513 wrote:

Your wife has probably noticed the lack of alcohol in your daily habits. She has probably offered secret prayers to her God, wishing that you continue your sobriety. She did say, "for better or worse", after all, and she is probably crossing every finger and toe in hopes that you will stay sober.

Do you have alcohol in your house? What is her relationship with alcohol: does she drink in front of you, or does she not drink at all?

:l Hugs! Patty

Thanks Patty!
I am very fortunate, my wife can take it or leave it. She never has been a drinker. I'm know she notices my lack of alcohol, and I'm sure my demeanor and attitude changes immediately( for the better of course) and of course I'm home more. My drinking has always been the elephant in the room.
As far as AL in the house there is a unopened bottle of wine, that my wife received at Christmas. Never have been a wine drinker, but I'm sure my alcoholic brain could convince me of some kind of BS like " Oh what the Hell, it's made from grapes! And Jesus himself drank it!
Anyways thanks!

Eloise~ your words are kind and kind and heart felt!

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

Matt,
As your body continues to physically heal, it is a double edged sword as others have noted: if you say you won't drink anymore, and then do... but then on the other hand, if you are certain she notices your non-drinking, her mind may be playing mind games: noticing, but then mistrusting what she notices... looking for ulterior motives perhaps?

I think you should "let her in" on your secret. Let her hop on the elephant's back with you. :l
Have a great week! Patty

[sammynorm]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

Thank you for your post Matt.

I've been going to AA meetings for 3 years and haven't gotten a sponsor or worked the steps (I passed the 3 year sobriety mark about a month ago). The best advice I've gotten regarding AA is 'take what works for you and leave the rest'. Originally there were 6 steps and they were 'worked' very quickly, either the first day somebody came in, or in maybe the first week.

I find the stories in the meetings helpful, like here, it helps to have people you can relate to. Sometimes I feel like an imposter since I have had some 'success' in the program, but haven't 'worked it'. Then I think so what, I've heard stories of people having 20 years sobriety and not having worked the steps yet. If you are not drinking whatever you are doing is working, if this website is helping you stay sober 'keep coming back'.

Oh, and I found a Buddhist recovery meeting that I like, they strongly suggest you attend AA meetings too and 'work the 12 steps', but it's a much more compassionate and nicer environment in my opinion. If you 'google' Buddhist recovery meetings you might be able to find one in your area.

[LavenderBlue]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

I know my dad had a lot of luck with AA - but he's also always said he felt like he got addicted to AA in the process, and that wasn't a good thing for him either. I know some people who don't like the "higher power" part of AA and others who think it should be more plainly "God-focused." I'm squarely in the middle. I'm not going to discount something I've never tried, and I'm keeping it open as an option since it does work for so many people. But I'm also not going to jump into something that doesn't feel right to me thinking it's "the only way."

This site has done a lot of things for me in terms of community, support, advice, and keeping me mindful; though. And those are things I never had the other times I quit. I actually have a harder time lying in writing online about my drinking than lying offline, though; so I'm sure that's also part of it!

[Matt M.]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

Sammy~ that is great advice, I have actually considered hitting a few meetings as you stated. I'm finding several people in here that use meetings as a support tool. It definitely puts us around the right people!
I appreciate your words of wisdom, it feels good hear from people with many days AF under their belt!

LB~ I feel exactly the same way as you described! Growing up in AA with my parents, they were very active and we would travel all over were they would"speak" it tell there story. I have always felt a since of loyalty if you will, to AA and it has been ingrained in me that AA is the only way. I believe now this simply not true IMO. As Sammy stated it is a great tool.
I can say, as many times as i have been down this road, I feel very blessed to have found MWO. With 14 days AF I have found these forums to be so very helpful.
Thanks again LB and I sincerely wish you well. Feel free to lean on me if you need!

[Eloise]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

Hi Matt! Happy to see you in the Newbie Nest roll call, lovely!!
You wait and see how much better you feel in a month. My new not drinking situation is not a topic of conversation with my husband and I. I think I minded it a lot more than he did, he still drinks and it doesn't bother me. If he should quit I would be rather happy though, not because he behaves like an idiot, but because of the health benefits.

So, you hang tight. It gets easier pretty quickly. I have heard that 1000 times and never believed it, but now I am living it. And guess, what? There were right! Quelle surpise.

[Matt M.]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

Thanks Eloise ~
Guess I'm going to continue using this thread to help log my daily progress/issues.

At day 17, having some good and not so good days. I'm loving the mornings most of all, hangovers, no guilt and regrets. However I'm still finding when I encounter a road block like arguing with the wife, or work issues,( I have a very stressful job) I find myself thinking of that AL escape. When I do, I have started playing that out in my mind and how it would likely turn out if I did drink. That has helped, I pray my AL mind doesn't let me forget the Hell, drinking put me through, like I allowed it to in past quit attempts

[available]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

Matt you are doing really well, talking about your feelings on here is a double bonus. Nothing like an alky understanding another alky. I still have my days where i feel like i want a drink. What for? its not going to solve anything at the end of the day but it will bring back all the unhappiness i am now rid of. As i keep saying to myself, i will just plod along and see where the road leads and for this day i will not drink. I do know i am not in hell anymore and even the days with cravings are better than the days of being hungover and not caring about anything. Your al mind will quieten as time goes on but it will also rear its ugly head when it sees an opportunity to be let in. We can never be complacent in this journey. For today we are okay!

[Matt M.]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

Thanks Available~ very well said!

[LavenderBlue]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

Ah! I missed responding here, sorry Matt! Brain fog plus multiple threads.

I've heard from a lot of folks that AA is the only way, and I can't knock something that has worked for so many people. I'm wishing now that it was better known that there are other options for support, though. Not that AA is bad or shameful, just if I hadn't stopped thinking I had to wait til I was "bad enough" to "try AA even though it doesn't sound like it quite fits for me" I'd still be drinking.

Then again, it's really pretty new to have so many options online to begin with. I actually did noticeably better with college courses online than I did inclass, it just clicks for me that way. For some folks, online classes just absolutely do not work. And I'm blessed to have some friends offline who support me and can help there when I'm ready to ask, not everyone has that.

I sincerely wish you well, too! I'm trying to avoid chatting here simply because I tend to get "addicted" to chatrooms even sober. I'll sit there all day given a chance so I try to limit my time unless I really need to talk to someone like NOW. But I appreciate your support so much, I really do! I'll remember your kind offers, and I can always pm. Feel free to pm me as well!

Good luck and best wishes for the weekend!

[Matt M.]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

LB~ Great to hear back from you. I too have found I get involved in multiple threads and forget were I've been. Sounds like you and I are on the same page for sure! Thanks and I look forward to chatting with you!

[available]

12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

LavB i was on here 24/7 when i gave up drinking and i always have mwo open when i am on the computer. I figured i put so many hours in to planning and executing my drinking that being on mwo for hours was a better way to spend my time. i used to be on fb all the time, now it is here. nothing wrong with that if it keeps us sober.