12 days AF~need to get some things off my chest

[Matt M.]

A little about me then some advice~
At 40 ish, I have been in the viscous cycle of Al abuse for most of my adult life. 12 years ago I decided I had a prob and vowed to quit, did the AA thing and fizzled out after 6 months, to the"it will be different this time demon" Fast forward 12 years the present and I have made the vow to quit 100's of times. Managed to string a 6,8 and the last time 10 month AF stint. As a child I grew up in the rooms of AA, with a father and mother both successful in the program. I have always thought if AA didn't get me sober I was doomed. Its just not for me, (I can hear my father and other AAs "it's because you didn't work it!) I feel I have given it all I had.
A couple off weeks ago I stumbled on to this site and browsed for a few days, when I felt like drinking, I read post from you people. It has either reminded of the horrible guilt filled feelings of the first "dayer"or given me hope for the future from the ones with many days AF. Every time it has killed my urge to drink and for that I'm grateful! I have been very fortunate and so F! Lucky to have not received Dui/dwi or been to jail, I have not lost my family, although very close. My wife has stood by from the very beginning, often with an ultimatum, yet stood by me. Only for my cunning Al mind to figure out a way to convince her it would be different this time. (My dad called used to call this an Ala~non slip which is"that fleeting moment of compassion"! )

Which brings me to ask for advice~ like I mentioned I am 12 day Af, I have not formally told my wife that I am back on my quit. I question my thinking on this. My first thought is I don't want to give her another false hope, which I really don't, but being honest with myself, which I suck at, maybe I don't want to tell her because then I will have someone holding me accountable? The thought of failing again with my family watching sickens me. Should I try and string more days together before I make the grand bullshit announcement again?
Like I said before thanks to the ones that have shared your story or struggle, believe me it helps!
I hope my words will do the same!

AF 12 days
"I'm sorry" at my house means " watch out he's about to this shit again!

I wanted to bump this up, One of my first post. A scared, Sick SOB with a lot of pride and ego. Good thing I checked that shit at the door....
This would be the end of one life and the beginning of another...

[Pie]

You've come a long way, baby! And it's been a pleasure to watch you make it happen, Matt. :welldone:

[Matt M.]

Thanks Pie means a lot coming from you

[LilBit]

Thanks for the interesting bump-n-read, Matt. My, how you've changed in one year. 'So proud to know you and so inspired by your success!

-Cougz (LOL to that reference -- a first for me!)