Hello.

[artsymom]

I'm 50 and have had this problem it seems like my whole adult life. Because I didn't drink every day or in the morning, never thought it was really a problem till about ten years ago when I got a very stressful job I hate. But once I do start I can't stop. Drank yesterday to the point of blackout. Have no idea what I did, but know I totally ruined dinner. Husband is furious and not speaking (he is a teetotaler with alcoholic parents, so he REALLY despises drunks). I can understand his not forgiving me because I can't forgive myself. I have terrible anxiety and social phobia and the stupid idea that alcohol helps, even though I know it only makes it worse. I poured all the hidden alcohol down the drain and will not go out just to buy some, but they sell it in the grocery store here and I am terrified I will buy more when I go shopping (especially since I go before the weekend--my worst time). I am miserable and would not wish this on my worst enemy. Hoping for some words of wisdom or even just a virtual hug. Thanks for listening.

[whitemarshmom]

Hello.

Welcome Artsy! , I am starting out on my 1st day today, although i have been on and off of MWO for ears.. there are soooo many wonderful helpful people on this board! Visit the newbies nest as I am sure others will tell you.. I am 47 and have two youg children.. I can totally relate to the blackouts as they happen frequently My kids tell me the next day , mom you acted crazy last night. They have recently stopped saying it, which is even more upsetting to me because now they are just used to it.. I am making today my day 1 AF. See you on Newbies Nest, There are a couple others that are making today their day 1 also...HUGS!. Glad you are here!

[NoSugar]

Hello.

Hi, Artsy

I'm kind of artsy, too, and am enjoying getting back into some of my creative outlets again.

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful today but it is possible for this to be the LAST time you feel this way!

Checkout the toolbox for tons of tips and the newbies nest for the comraderie and support that helps make it easier to get this done! The links are given below.

:welcome: NS

[artsymom]

Hello.

Thank you for the suggestion about Newbies Nest and hugs back to you.

[KENSHO]

Hello.

Hi Artsy! Virtual hugs coming your way! Sorry you're feeling so down. Welcome to a good place... everyone here can relate to what you just said. The newbie's nest is a great place with people on day 1 and day 1300 - lots of wisdom and support. Hope to see you there!

[See the Light]

Hello.

artsy :welcome: Many here are or have been where you are. You can stop, but it will take serious change and commitment. I find I cannot go into grocery stores or gas stations yet without anxiety and temptation. And forget bars, liquor stores, sporting events, hanging with friends who drink or any parties. Yes, its sacrifice….it’s almost like prison at first, but still preferable to the real thing. I pump my gas at the pump (so I don’t go inside). I get my lotto tickets at tobacco shop (I don’t smoke). I don’t go to grocery stores (my wife does that, so maybe some can take that duty for you for a bit)? And those are the easy ones...and I would be done if I hit a bar, liquor store, etc. So I don’t. I’m constantly looking for ways to get away from AL (it does seem to be everywhere) and recognizing I need a way to avoid temptation if it finds me. Drinking surely won’t fix any problems you encounter, it will just give you new ones. 20+ yrs. drinking has done serious damage to my body (and other things) but I want to live, and I want to live without AL screwing it up. My wife doesn’t drink (thank God), but I know she was pissed when I did. She doesn’t understand why I drank or why I couldn’t stop, but she is not an AL. People here are, and there is great advise if you want it. Stay strong, keep the AL away from you and start a new day.

[artsymom]

Hello.

Thanks, STL. Sorry to hear you have the AL available everywhere, too. Was not where I used to live--only ABCC stores. Made it much easier. Very rural here so fortunately not too many bars or liquor stores, and I too pump gas at the pump (more because I'm lazy, though). Can't get away from the groc. stores, though, since I also shop for elderly mom and mom-in-law (part of my stress, but no excuse). Maybe horse blinders when going past the liquor aisle? Or does someone have some sort of mantra I can use when passing that oh-so-tempting-and-easy section?

[See the Light]

Hello.

Yes, I know the NC ABC stores all too well. I have 5 or 6 within a 1/2 hr drive of me. It got so bad for me that I rotated through all of them weekly so that the sales folks there (who I though were my "friends" and all knew me by name, which should have been a sign BTW) would not think I had a problem. Any chance someone can shop wih you for a few weeks? Your mind may play tricks and find a way down those aisles, and by then, it just gets too tempting....

[artsymom]

Hello.

That's a thought, STL. Although I shop for my mom, she could come with me....Even at my age there are things I don't do in front of her, so that might work.

[available]

Hello.

Hi Artsy and welcome. I used to go shopping before work which was before the al shop was open, then when i got home from work i showered and got into my pjs so i did not leave the house again as i could not be bothered to get re-dressed. If i did have to go out and the al section was open i used to stand and look and think "no i dont drink today, maybe tomorrow" and practically run past it. Who cares what people think as at the end of the day this is about your life. i started to blackout and thats when i knew i had to stop drinking, it was a very very bad sign to me. Take one day at a time, be gentle with yourself but very determined. al will try everything it has to get into your life and you need strength to say no. I am 50 also and celebrated my 50th totally sober. i never regret not drinking. Best of luck

[See the Light]

Hello.

artsymom;1694927 wrote: That's a thought, STL. Although I shop for my mom, she could come with me....Even at my age there are things I don't do in front of her, so that might work.

Yeah, I know at this point if I even pulled in the liquor store parking lot with my wife in the car, she would punch me square in the face (or something like that ).. weekends can be tough though, so doing your shopping like Ava suggests during the week before AL is sold is a good trick too...

[LavenderBlue]

Hello.

Hi again artsymom - I thought you'd done a thread other than the Nest!

It's crazy how AL lies - I did drink all day everyday, even maintenance drinking...but I told myself I didn't have a problem because I stopped drinking in bars and I stopped drinking "too much" all at once! It was reading through these forums that I first admitted to myself (for real, not just dancing around it in my head) that I did, and a serious one at that, no matter how my AL brain tried to convince me I was fine because of some random technicality.

I'm so sorry you had such a bad night, but I'm so glad you decided enough is enough and came here. And good for you pouring out the hidden liquor! That was the hardest part for me; part of me really wanted to hold on to it "just in case." But it is better without the temptation. And like others have said on here, if I don't "need" it I don't need it, and if I do "need" it I shouldn't have it.

This is a great group of people and a great forum, so many people here with wonderful advice! I feel like everyone has been walking me through my first week, in a good way.

And virtual hugs!!! I think I'm the young 'un around here at 30 - then again I got an "early start" at around 16 or so? But the more I read here, the more I realize we all have more in common than we have differences. Good thoughts your way!

[artsymom]

Hello.

Now posting on "the Nest"

Thanks so much to all who replied to me yesterday on my first day. STL, Fin, WMM, and available. I have taken your advice and gone to the Newbie's Nest. Lots of good advice and friendship there. Hope to "see" you all there.

[okoren1]

Hello.

Hi Arts, Well, Congrats... you found the right place. So,lets get to work.
Best thing at this tender stage is to establish a working plan.
Sounds like you've already started...by pouring down the drain all the AL in the house. I did that weeks ago, to the tune of approximately, $250 of opened and opened wines, liqueurs, and other stuff. Best investment I ever made.
Depending on where things stand with hubby, one way to get him talking again, is to ask HIM to go to the grocery store for a while, and if you can, explain why YOU can't. And while you are at it, put on the shopping list some important things- such as a very calming (sounds like you need to de-stress) drink, like a chamomile tea, or something like that, so you can kill two birds with one stone; have something to drink when you feel the urge, and also something that is a bit relaxing.
That's enough for now, but keep posting (a lot) and let us know how it's going

[artsymom]

Hello.

Thanks, Okoren

I think the pouring out was really meaningful considering I am really cheap. I am not going to want to re-spend that money. I did take care of the grocery/drug store/convenience store problem for this week, so have no "excuse" for buying any before the weekend (my worst time). Thank you and everyone else for the encouragement and hints. It really helps.