I'm noticing that in the reading I'm doing, it's really helped me to hear someone else talk about specific ways AL lies. It's made me think more about the ways it lies to me. I was going to just make a list for myself but it seems like the sort of thing worth posting. It got longer than I planned, though!
Lie: Your finances are so screwed, you're probably never going to fix this mess anyway so you may as well just relax the best you can.
Truth: I definitely can't sort my finances while I'm drinking! The economy in the US is awful for a lot of people, I am not the only one. Plenty of people are finding ways to cope with debt and get new starts. And buying AL is contributing to my credit card debt!
Lie: It's ok to have just one to get to sleep, that doesn't even count.
Truth: Besides the "just one" lie, I've read in enough places that AL actually messes up your sleep schedule and makes the sleep you do get not as good as sober sleep.
Lie: It's ok to use AL for your depression/anxiety. You were diagnosed with those before you even started drinking and a few drinks is better than the side effects you got off prescription meds.
Truth: I had horrendous depression and anxiety from a very young age, yep. But AL has been shown to make both of those WORSE. Plus I know from my own honest experience that it is always a tossup if drinking is going to dull the emotions or make them even worse even in the moment. After drinking for so long, I can't even reasonably tell how much is my natural state and how much is either directly or indirectly caused by my AL use and abuse. I can always go to a doctor later if I feel like I still need meds, but using AL prevents me from even knowing if I still need them or not.
Lie: You only gained weight because you're lazy.
Truth: Putting that many liquid calories into my body? Yeah...pretty sure that did not help. And drinking has never yet made feel super excited about exercising. Going AF isn't going to magically get me back in shape, but it's the only way I'll have a chance at getting there.
Lie: All of the fun people drink. Also you're probably boring if you don't.
Truth: I know a few folks who have quit drinking and I still think they're fun people! I know a few who have never drank for one reason or another and they're awesome, fun people as well. And I'm much more boring when I drink since all I have to talk about is...well, drinking.
Lie: There's nothing to do if you don't drink.
Truth: I have missed out on so many things the last few years because of my drinking. I love going to the zoo and have a season pass that I used ONCE last year...because there wasn't a good way to go and still be able to drink without anyone asking why the hell I needed a drink while at the zoo of all places. I missed half of the last movie I went to because I felt sick and was distracted for the rest because I wanted to get home and have a drink. I don't even know how many other things I've skipped or cut short because it was more important to me to get home and drink.
Lie: Really, you can have just one, I know you can.
Truth: Sometimes I can make myself drink just one...and then I spend the rest of the night cranky that I can't have more. Or I sneak more on the side and then decide it "doesn't count." That doesn't sound like a good plan to me.
Lie: But you have so many good memories from your pub days!
Truth: Probably in the beginning, yes. I was in my early adulthood and just starting to make friends out of my hometown. I'd always had older friends, so I was finally able to legally drink with them. But it sure didn't take long before I was drinking before I even got there, spending too much on drinks while I was there, questioning how I was acting and what I was saying, and entering the lovely land of hangovers. The "good times" haven't existed for YEARS and having a drink isn't going to magically make me 21 again.
Lie: You've always been annoyed at people who think drinking is "wrong," how dare you be a hypocrite!
Truth: I don't think it's "wrong." I think it's bad for ME and I want to make different choices for myself. That has nothing to do with morality or religious right and wrong.
Lie: After that one horrid relationship you totally deserve to fall apart for a bit, everyone was amazed you didn't end up in a mental hospital with everything that happened.
Truth: I've never allowed myself to heal from all of that because I was too busy drinking it away. You can't heal from something that you never allow yourself to feel. If I need therapy, I can find a way to get therapy...but AL has done nothing to help me get past any of it. And I deserve to get past it, I do not deserve to declare my life over and done with because of a bad time.
Lie: AL gives you the confidence you need to fix things.
Truth: AL has been eroding my confidence this entire time. I am less sure of myself now than I was even 5 years ago.
Lie: AL helps your writing.
Truth: It never has and it never will. Go read anything Stephen King has said about how much better his writing got when he sobered up and how much "but I'm a writer" isn't an excuse to drink.
Lie: But you are a special snowflake, so hurt by the pain in the world....etc.
Truth: Then I can take up meditation and do good works. Seriously, for one I am not a paragon of sensitivity any more than anyone else and for two...even if I was, drinking is not the answer. I am overly empathetic sometimes, but part of that is poor emotional boundaries which AL makes worse, not better. I also hide from my issues by trying to help other people with theirs sometimes - that is an unhealthy escape for me AND probably means I give advice when it's not needed or wanted.
Lie: You're an idiot for getting to this place, why even try to change?
Truth: I'm not an idiot. I've been caught up in an addiction and in the denial that comes with it. I am making a worthwhile choice by saying, "No, that is enough, I am done."
Lie: You're much more entertaining when you drink.
Truth: When I drink I either get a lot more quiet because I'm afraid of saying something I'll regret later or I get way too loud and...say things I regret later. I suppose that's entertaining for some people to watch, but I wouldn't call it good for me or the people who actually care about me.
Lie: This is pointless, you have much more important things to worry about than how much you drink.
Truth: The drinking has been getting in the way of me sorting out all of that. There is nothing that drinking has magically solved for me, but a whole mess of things it's been helping me put off. I will deal with my other issues one at a time as I can, but all of them will be easier to sort out sober.
Lie: At least stop whining on at people about it, other people have real problems you know.
Truth: No one on this site, nor the close friends I've told, is going to tell me to go away and that my problems don't count. And I DO have problems or I wouldn't be here!
Lie: You've done so well, you deserve a drink!
Truth: Only an addiction would say that and only someone like me who is addicted would even for one second think that makes sense. Seriously. That's like "I'm so happy I haven't had a migraine in a while, think I'll beat my head against the wall to celebrate!"
Lie: You can't do this.
Truth: A couple weeks ago I was sure I couldn't take a day off drinking. I've made it 9. Tell me more about what I can't do, because I will prove you wrong.
Lie: Your finances are so screwed, you're probably never going to fix this mess anyway so you may as well just relax the best you can.
Truth: I definitely can't sort my finances while I'm drinking! The economy in the US is awful for a lot of people, I am not the only one. Plenty of people are finding ways to cope with debt and get new starts. And buying AL is contributing to my credit card debt!
Lie: It's ok to have just one to get to sleep, that doesn't even count.
Truth: Besides the "just one" lie, I've read in enough places that AL actually messes up your sleep schedule and makes the sleep you do get not as good as sober sleep.
Lie: It's ok to use AL for your depression/anxiety. You were diagnosed with those before you even started drinking and a few drinks is better than the side effects you got off prescription meds.
Truth: I had horrendous depression and anxiety from a very young age, yep. But AL has been shown to make both of those WORSE. Plus I know from my own honest experience that it is always a tossup if drinking is going to dull the emotions or make them even worse even in the moment. After drinking for so long, I can't even reasonably tell how much is my natural state and how much is either directly or indirectly caused by my AL use and abuse. I can always go to a doctor later if I feel like I still need meds, but using AL prevents me from even knowing if I still need them or not.
Lie: You only gained weight because you're lazy.
Truth: Putting that many liquid calories into my body? Yeah...pretty sure that did not help. And drinking has never yet made feel super excited about exercising. Going AF isn't going to magically get me back in shape, but it's the only way I'll have a chance at getting there.
Lie: All of the fun people drink. Also you're probably boring if you don't.
Truth: I know a few folks who have quit drinking and I still think they're fun people! I know a few who have never drank for one reason or another and they're awesome, fun people as well. And I'm much more boring when I drink since all I have to talk about is...well, drinking.
Lie: There's nothing to do if you don't drink.
Truth: I have missed out on so many things the last few years because of my drinking. I love going to the zoo and have a season pass that I used ONCE last year...because there wasn't a good way to go and still be able to drink without anyone asking why the hell I needed a drink while at the zoo of all places. I missed half of the last movie I went to because I felt sick and was distracted for the rest because I wanted to get home and have a drink. I don't even know how many other things I've skipped or cut short because it was more important to me to get home and drink.
Lie: Really, you can have just one, I know you can.
Truth: Sometimes I can make myself drink just one...and then I spend the rest of the night cranky that I can't have more. Or I sneak more on the side and then decide it "doesn't count." That doesn't sound like a good plan to me.
Lie: But you have so many good memories from your pub days!
Truth: Probably in the beginning, yes. I was in my early adulthood and just starting to make friends out of my hometown. I'd always had older friends, so I was finally able to legally drink with them. But it sure didn't take long before I was drinking before I even got there, spending too much on drinks while I was there, questioning how I was acting and what I was saying, and entering the lovely land of hangovers. The "good times" haven't existed for YEARS and having a drink isn't going to magically make me 21 again.
Lie: You've always been annoyed at people who think drinking is "wrong," how dare you be a hypocrite!
Truth: I don't think it's "wrong." I think it's bad for ME and I want to make different choices for myself. That has nothing to do with morality or religious right and wrong.
Lie: After that one horrid relationship you totally deserve to fall apart for a bit, everyone was amazed you didn't end up in a mental hospital with everything that happened.
Truth: I've never allowed myself to heal from all of that because I was too busy drinking it away. You can't heal from something that you never allow yourself to feel. If I need therapy, I can find a way to get therapy...but AL has done nothing to help me get past any of it. And I deserve to get past it, I do not deserve to declare my life over and done with because of a bad time.
Lie: AL gives you the confidence you need to fix things.
Truth: AL has been eroding my confidence this entire time. I am less sure of myself now than I was even 5 years ago.
Lie: AL helps your writing.
Truth: It never has and it never will. Go read anything Stephen King has said about how much better his writing got when he sobered up and how much "but I'm a writer" isn't an excuse to drink.
Lie: But you are a special snowflake, so hurt by the pain in the world....etc.
Truth: Then I can take up meditation and do good works. Seriously, for one I am not a paragon of sensitivity any more than anyone else and for two...even if I was, drinking is not the answer. I am overly empathetic sometimes, but part of that is poor emotional boundaries which AL makes worse, not better. I also hide from my issues by trying to help other people with theirs sometimes - that is an unhealthy escape for me AND probably means I give advice when it's not needed or wanted.
Lie: You're an idiot for getting to this place, why even try to change?
Truth: I'm not an idiot. I've been caught up in an addiction and in the denial that comes with it. I am making a worthwhile choice by saying, "No, that is enough, I am done."
Lie: You're much more entertaining when you drink.
Truth: When I drink I either get a lot more quiet because I'm afraid of saying something I'll regret later or I get way too loud and...say things I regret later. I suppose that's entertaining for some people to watch, but I wouldn't call it good for me or the people who actually care about me.
Lie: This is pointless, you have much more important things to worry about than how much you drink.
Truth: The drinking has been getting in the way of me sorting out all of that. There is nothing that drinking has magically solved for me, but a whole mess of things it's been helping me put off. I will deal with my other issues one at a time as I can, but all of them will be easier to sort out sober.
Lie: At least stop whining on at people about it, other people have real problems you know.
Truth: No one on this site, nor the close friends I've told, is going to tell me to go away and that my problems don't count. And I DO have problems or I wouldn't be here!
Lie: You've done so well, you deserve a drink!
Truth: Only an addiction would say that and only someone like me who is addicted would even for one second think that makes sense. Seriously. That's like "I'm so happy I haven't had a migraine in a while, think I'll beat my head against the wall to celebrate!"
Lie: You can't do this.
Truth: A couple weeks ago I was sure I couldn't take a day off drinking. I've made it 9. Tell me more about what I can't do, because I will prove you wrong.
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