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    #1

    Just another cautionary tale

    I've been a member of MWO for a while now, and lurked for many years before taking the plunge and joining, so I know this message has been communicated over a million times. Please allow me to say it again - for the 1,000,001 time. I see many new faces here since I disappeared, so I think it bears repeating.

    After a long stretch of sobriety, it's easy to start romanticizing AL again. Something bad happens, something good happens - anything happens - and you decide, well, one drink won't hurt. Perhaps it will help. Wrong.

    I have been absent from MWO for a while now. My reason for leaving and returning is no different from the others - I decided to drink. It was a stupid decision that I totally regret. But what I want all of the newbies here to know (and those of you still just lurking), it really does get harder with each quit. It's been said a million times (+ one). So please guard your quit with your life. Seriously - with your life. Because I almost didn't make it through this last bender. If it wasn't for a few truly lovely souls from MWO who just wouldn't give up on me, I'm not sure if I would have made it through.

    But this type of support comes at a price. I can't keep asking those who love me to continue to support me while I self-destruct. They have every right to turn away. Healthy relationships require reciprocity - something that drunks can't offer. Drunks are self-involved, narcissistic and needy. I should know. I am so ashamed, I can barely look in the mirror. That's reason enough to quit right there. Newbies - please cover your ears because I would never suggest that you shouldn't post and ask for help. MWO saved my life. This is an apology to my old friends here. So please take it in the spirit intended. I'm just venting tonight.

    And there are so many other wonderful things about drinking that I had almost forgot such as the privilege of waking up at 3 in the morning with extreme anxiety, struggling through work with a hangover, and racing to the computer in the morning to see what damage I did the night before on FB or email while I was drunk out of my mind. Wow - the good old days. I had forgotten how much I love AL. (Yes - I'm being bitterly sarcastic)

    Please make the commitment to kick AL out of your life today! And stick with it. Life is so much better sober. I know the difference and still allowed the darkness back in. And each quit is so much harder. Tonight I am sick, tired, and detoxing yet again. Think of me as a cautionary tale. A very long-winded cautionary tale.

    xx, MR
    Everything is going to be amazing
    Tags: None
    #2
    Just another cautionary tale

    I'm sorry sweetheart. But glad to see you here.:l
    No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

    Comment

      #3
      Just another cautionary tale

      Ohhh MR, so sorry - and thank you for sharing....
      This is a story many of us know too well, but hope that it will be different for us - but doesn't work out that way does it.....
      Glad you came back....
      “The only courage you will ever need is the courage to live the life you want"

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        #4
        Just another cautionary tale

        I'm so glad you made it back, MossRose. Thank you for taking the time to share your tale.

        Pie :l

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          #5
          Just another cautionary tale

          MossRose,thank you for sharing this post,it is harder to quit over and over,for me the drinking somehow got heavier with each relapse too,don't understand why but it's a horrible place to be,i'm glad you're back here with us
          I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

          I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
          Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

          Comment

            #6
            Just another cautionary tale

            Welcome back Moss Rose.

            Right on. Yep, each quit is often harder as our mind/body/spirit system re-awakens to it's old deadly fuel, and survival/coping mechanism. There are no positives in us drinking again. It is a downward decent into the hell and boredom of existing like a ghost and expiring well before our time. What great jewels and treasure i have missed just existing (not living) in the fog of the boring abyss.

            No sacrifice - no change. And just what are we sacrificing by choosing to live sober?

            Good to see you friend. Go kick some arse.

            G

            'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

            Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

            Comment

              #7
              Just another cautionary tale

              MR, a lot of truth there. I'm sure it cost you dearly to learn it. I am glad you are back. Everyone here wants the very best AF life for you, that you deserve.
              "When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them." Analects of Confucius
              AF 11/12/11

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                #8
                Just another cautionary tale

                MR stay here and involved, we cant run from ourselves worse luck. You have the "balls" to kick al away but we all know it takes dedication daily to succeed. You my friend have it in you to do this.

                I know this is why i can never have that one drink as i dont think i would ever have the strength to quit again, you have that strength in you. Grab it and run!
                AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

                Comment

                  #9
                  Just another cautionary tale

                  I'm glad you felt well enough and were brave enough to post, Friend. I think you'll be surprised how long you will continue to receive unconditional support here - it will be available as long as you are willing to accept it :l.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Just another cautionary tale

                    Mossy, so glad your back. Thank you for the reminder, it is so easy to go back to AL. I have been fighting some major cravings myself. Please stay here for awhile, let's kick this thing.

                    Xxx
                    Narilly

                    "Nothing in this World Can take the place of Persistence"
                    "You can have the life you want OR you can Drink"

                    AF April 12, 2014

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Just another cautionary tale

                      Hi, Mossy,

                      I'm very happy you came back. That was a heartfelt plea that I hope will inspire others.

                      In the meantime - strap yourself in tight here on MWO. We'll get you through this with YOUR help.

                      Pav

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Just another cautionary tale

                        Mossy...:h:h:h You're one the kindest and bravest people here. You never give up and I am not giving up on you!:l:l

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Just another cautionary tale

                          Ditto what everyone has said MR and not for nano second does anyone feel put upon...keeping us afloat no matter what is the reason we are all here :l:l:h:h
                          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Just another cautionary tale

                            Thank you for sharing MR ... I'm a newbie here, though not new to the 1,000,000,000 (+1) times of relapse. Your message is inspiring and I can see here how much you are loved and supported! Please keep posting, not only does it help you, but you in turn are helping so many!
                            Now kick some Craving Ass MR!

                            IWMB...

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Just another cautionary tale

                              MR~ Thanks for sharing your story, you obviously have so much to bring to this forum!

                              IWMB~ I want to share your writing on" Cravings" very well written and I feel this is a proper thread. Thanks again

                              The Craving: (in a most wicked and condescending voice), "Day 3 for you. You must be proud! All the congratulations must give you a sense that you can actually fight me off! Haa haa! For now, you will. The physical symptoms you feel right now are your strength, no one likes to feel like shit, oh the embarrassment, the shame, the guilt, the missing work, the laying around for a whole day, the not remembering what you said or what was said to you, the shameful texting..... Go ahead, think you can beat me"*

                              ME: "I hate you Craving. I know you don't care. All you care about is getting me to take that first sip, that first drink. Do not for one second think that I am not aware of the false sense of hope you give me on these first days when I feel sick and ashamed.*

                              I don't know how you can be so powerful, the anxiety you can create in me is distressing. I don't want you now, but I know in a few days I will begin to bend to your lure. How do you do it? What sick pleasure do you derive from this? What is wrong with you?"*

                              The Craving: "You're right, I don't care... My game is to get you to take that first drink because we all know, there is no such thing as ONE drink for an alcoholic. Even if one night you take only ONE drink, it won't be too many nights away that the one drink will turn into an oblivion of drinks and I will have won 2-3 of your days. Days which you can never get back! I know you so well!! and that is my pleasure"*

                              ME: "You make me sick! You make me physically, emotionally, and spiritually sick! For now Craving, your power is strong and for so long you've made me think you were more powerful. You put up a good deceitful and manipulative fight, BUT I'm on to you now... I know the anxiety you can create can be so strong, I can feel it run through my veins! But I'm on to you. You keep me up at night but as I get stronger, I will sleep through your evil tactics. And you know what Craving? All I have to do is .. NOT TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK! - I am on to you Craving and I will fight you to the end ... and as time goes on, you will weaken. In fact, in time I won't even think about you, and if you do come lurking around, I will remember your once held power and Will Not give it back to you! You are an evil SOB and I have my fight on!"*

                              The Craving: " We shall see, LoL!"*

                              ME: "And so we shall...."*

                              Good Night. Fighting It. Hate Cravings...*
                              IWMB*
                              AF 08~05~2014


                              There is a 100% chance I can't do this by myself! ~ Me

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