Hello everyone at MWO,
Tomorrow will be a 2 year anniversary of my quit and I wanted to write a post to share my experiences, challenges and lessons learned.
A short background story
Exactly two years ago was a Friday 31st of September 2012. I finished work and was looking forward to going out as most people do. I got dressed up and left my place at around 6-7pm. Most of the evening I don't remember not because I was drunk but because it wasn't specifically eventful. I had a bunch of drinks with friends. However, as always when everyone started to leave to go home around 11-12pm I wanted to carry on.
My biggest anxiety on a Friday night was to run out of alcohol and knowing that every hour brought me closer to closing time made me upset. So I said good bye to my friends and went of search of an after hours bars on my own. I remember finding a late night karaoke bar. I remember being extremely obnoxious. Trying to bribe the DJ to download my song as he didn't have it. I remember being upset about it and making a big scene. I remember trying to sing a song that I didn't know the lyrics of. I remember trying to speak to strangers and hit on their girls thinking I was something special. And leaving on my own and going home and feeling very sad.
May be alcohol was revealing some insecurities or creating a fiction person that didn't reflect my real personality. In reality I try to be mindful, helpful and the last thing that I like is making a scene. So every time I would wake up on a Saturday morning, not just hangover but also with incredible feeling of guilt. I can still remember that horrible weekly dose of guilt that I would get every Saturday. This would be followed by anxiety checking my phone if I called anyone the night before. I would often dial people that I knew at ungodly hour for no particular reason.
That Saturday the feeling of shame and guilt was so overwhelming that I decided to seek help and spent the entire weekend doing research trying to find a forum, or a group of people in a similar situation that I could share my feelings with and try to stop this soul poisonous cycle. I believe that I joined MWO in the next few day and can see that my first post happened on the 4th of September.
From the start I decided to try to quit both cigarettes and alcohol. One addiction was always reinforcing the other. Smoking triggered alcohol cravings and vice versa. The first few days seemed easy. However, I never had a problem abstaining for up to 3 days but I could never go a whole week without alcohol. How else would I relief the stress of every day life? right?
By the end of the week I was really struggling and I remember passing a bar and feeling my hands started to shake. I had a hard time focusing on any aspect of my life. But I did have plan set out to help me keep my goal. I decided that for the first 30 days I would not go out anywhere. I believe I binged heavily on sweets when I craved alcohol and of course I started posting regularly on MWO. This was probably the most effective tool that I had. Knowing that someone somewhere was going through the same emotions really made me feel stronger. Encouraging words from regulars helped a lot but at the time I remember I was trying to beat other new members at the AF days game. And my competitive spirit was of great help.
I established a 15 minute rule. I told myself if you crave alcohol, think it over for 15 minutes and then if you cant find a reason to stay quit then go a drink yourself silly. Luckily the benefits of being sober are immense and I never continued to purchase booze after 15 minutes of thinking about it.
The benefits of quitting:
1) Time! As drinking most of my spare time revolved around alcohol. I would be hangover on Saturday and Sunday mornings, wasting my precious weekends. On holidays I preferred to drink by the beach to going hiking, surfing, or doing any type of fun activity. I would come back from a holiday more tired than when I left.
Now I can plan my activities. I have evening free to pursue my business goals and hobbies. I feel rested after a weekend. I discovered the joys of waking up early and doing something productive.
2) Anxiety, guilt and shame are gone. This is almost as important to me as gaining time. I used to get terrible anxiety on Saturday morning just thinking about what I did the night before. Constantly having to apologize to my friends. Constantly feeling overwhelming guilt and not being able to speak to some people for weeks knowing or unknowing what I said or did.
Now I still make mistakes or say the wrong thing once in a while. But I am quick to apologize and usually I know what I say and why I say it. So there is no need to say "I am sorry". If I feel angry it is because someone upset me, not for a silly petty things that you care so much when you are drunk.
3) Money. It is incredible how much money you can save in just two years by quitting. Just alcohol and cigarettes used to consume no less than ?100 a week this was often higher because I live in an expensive city. But many people largely underestimate how much money they spend on alcohol and alcohol related activities. You need to account for late night taxies, ruined clothing, lost items, after hours junk food, and of course the high price of alcohol and cigarettes in after hours bars and clubs. So even at ?100 that's like ?10,400 that I save in two years. That is 10 exotic holidays, a BMW mini... And the best part I didn't have to sacrifice anything for it.
4) Healthier relationships. I didn't realise how toxic some of my relationships had been until I quit. People always cite loosing friends when quitting as a negative. However, what kind of friends do you lose as a result of trying to improve/save your life? Guess... (not very good ones).
5) Health. It is hard to explain in words the benefit of AF and SF lifestyle. But I will try to list as many as I can
- Lose weight
- Skin looks much better
- Sweat less
- Less pain (mainly less headaches and stomach aches)
- Endurance (I completed a marathon since giving up, there is no way I would have been able to achieve that before. In a thought of doing a 5K was equivalent to going to the moon)
- Sense of taste is better. Yes this one may sound strange but many people on MWO have reported this. Alcohol kills or numbs your taste receptors and if you are a smoker too then you gain even more of your sense back
- Sex. I don't remember having sex completely sober before I quit. It can be awkward sometimes but it is so worth it. Because you actually get to enjoy it, remember it and connect with the other person. Stamina is a million times improved. I would say that if you never had sex sober you never really had sex
- Emotional stability. My emotions are not all over the place any more. I know why I feel happy, I know why I feel sad and I usually know how to deal with my emotions. I spend more time in the state of being content.
- Safety. When you drink there is more chances of putting yourself in a harms way. Whether it is leaving the oven on, walking through a dangerous neighbourhood or just going out late at night, driving or being a passenger with a drunk driver, being more aware of your situations and being at lower risk of becoming a victim.
I am sure there are a million other example I can list here...
However, I think it is also important to discuss the down side of giving up the drink as well. There is only one but it does affect my life in many ways and sometimes cause arguments. It Has nothing to do with you per se but people hate and I repeat hate teetotallers!!!!
Out of 100 people 10 people will try to verbally or even physically put you down for your decision not to drink. 40/100 wont like it but will keep their mouth shut but you will sense their uneasiness around you at least at the beginning. It will be your job to show them that you are a great and fun person and they usually warm up to you eventually. the other 40/100 don't notice or don't care. and the final 10/100 admire your decision and will ask why and how you did it.
These people act of a fear of unknown and it is a primitive fear of the outsiders. But I had some crazy reactions from people over the last two years. Some people who were throwing a party would ask me to leave, after finding out that I don't drink. May be they didn't mean it but their expression surely was serious. People also seem to distrust teetotallers. This sounds irrational as teetotallers seem to be more responsible but I have noticed it in business settings as well. Most networking events involve alcohol. And I feel like I have to carefully select drinks that look like they have alcohol in them to fool every one. Most women don't like alcoholics but they equally cant stand when a guy Is not drinking on a date. I posted a thread about a year ago about a girl that got so freaked out about me not drinking that she assumed I had some sort of evil intentions. She kept asking why I don't drink, am I a criminal or a drug abuser and I had to leave that situation. It was absolutely insane. It was a girl that I had an amazing time with until she asked me what I was drinking.
So one of the best advices I can give is never bring up you sobriety as a topic for conversation. It never leads anywhere good. Your friends will accept it and after a few outings will not notice it anymore. However, new people in your life will give you the hardest time so be strong and have a fun come back ready!!!
People at the beginning of this journey are worried that they will have to live the rest of their lives feeling as if they gave up something. On the contrary I live every day grateful that I don't drink. I never think that if only I could drink like a normal person. Never!
It is your brain trying to trick you into drinking. Those thoughts will stop probably around day 100 but every one is different.
So trust the people who have gone through all of this when they say this is the best decision you have ever made and you will never regret it!
Good Luck
Allan
Tomorrow will be a 2 year anniversary of my quit and I wanted to write a post to share my experiences, challenges and lessons learned.
A short background story
Exactly two years ago was a Friday 31st of September 2012. I finished work and was looking forward to going out as most people do. I got dressed up and left my place at around 6-7pm. Most of the evening I don't remember not because I was drunk but because it wasn't specifically eventful. I had a bunch of drinks with friends. However, as always when everyone started to leave to go home around 11-12pm I wanted to carry on.
My biggest anxiety on a Friday night was to run out of alcohol and knowing that every hour brought me closer to closing time made me upset. So I said good bye to my friends and went of search of an after hours bars on my own. I remember finding a late night karaoke bar. I remember being extremely obnoxious. Trying to bribe the DJ to download my song as he didn't have it. I remember being upset about it and making a big scene. I remember trying to sing a song that I didn't know the lyrics of. I remember trying to speak to strangers and hit on their girls thinking I was something special. And leaving on my own and going home and feeling very sad.
May be alcohol was revealing some insecurities or creating a fiction person that didn't reflect my real personality. In reality I try to be mindful, helpful and the last thing that I like is making a scene. So every time I would wake up on a Saturday morning, not just hangover but also with incredible feeling of guilt. I can still remember that horrible weekly dose of guilt that I would get every Saturday. This would be followed by anxiety checking my phone if I called anyone the night before. I would often dial people that I knew at ungodly hour for no particular reason.
That Saturday the feeling of shame and guilt was so overwhelming that I decided to seek help and spent the entire weekend doing research trying to find a forum, or a group of people in a similar situation that I could share my feelings with and try to stop this soul poisonous cycle. I believe that I joined MWO in the next few day and can see that my first post happened on the 4th of September.
From the start I decided to try to quit both cigarettes and alcohol. One addiction was always reinforcing the other. Smoking triggered alcohol cravings and vice versa. The first few days seemed easy. However, I never had a problem abstaining for up to 3 days but I could never go a whole week without alcohol. How else would I relief the stress of every day life? right?
By the end of the week I was really struggling and I remember passing a bar and feeling my hands started to shake. I had a hard time focusing on any aspect of my life. But I did have plan set out to help me keep my goal. I decided that for the first 30 days I would not go out anywhere. I believe I binged heavily on sweets when I craved alcohol and of course I started posting regularly on MWO. This was probably the most effective tool that I had. Knowing that someone somewhere was going through the same emotions really made me feel stronger. Encouraging words from regulars helped a lot but at the time I remember I was trying to beat other new members at the AF days game. And my competitive spirit was of great help.
I established a 15 minute rule. I told myself if you crave alcohol, think it over for 15 minutes and then if you cant find a reason to stay quit then go a drink yourself silly. Luckily the benefits of being sober are immense and I never continued to purchase booze after 15 minutes of thinking about it.
The benefits of quitting:
1) Time! As drinking most of my spare time revolved around alcohol. I would be hangover on Saturday and Sunday mornings, wasting my precious weekends. On holidays I preferred to drink by the beach to going hiking, surfing, or doing any type of fun activity. I would come back from a holiday more tired than when I left.
Now I can plan my activities. I have evening free to pursue my business goals and hobbies. I feel rested after a weekend. I discovered the joys of waking up early and doing something productive.
2) Anxiety, guilt and shame are gone. This is almost as important to me as gaining time. I used to get terrible anxiety on Saturday morning just thinking about what I did the night before. Constantly having to apologize to my friends. Constantly feeling overwhelming guilt and not being able to speak to some people for weeks knowing or unknowing what I said or did.
Now I still make mistakes or say the wrong thing once in a while. But I am quick to apologize and usually I know what I say and why I say it. So there is no need to say "I am sorry". If I feel angry it is because someone upset me, not for a silly petty things that you care so much when you are drunk.
3) Money. It is incredible how much money you can save in just two years by quitting. Just alcohol and cigarettes used to consume no less than ?100 a week this was often higher because I live in an expensive city. But many people largely underestimate how much money they spend on alcohol and alcohol related activities. You need to account for late night taxies, ruined clothing, lost items, after hours junk food, and of course the high price of alcohol and cigarettes in after hours bars and clubs. So even at ?100 that's like ?10,400 that I save in two years. That is 10 exotic holidays, a BMW mini... And the best part I didn't have to sacrifice anything for it.
4) Healthier relationships. I didn't realise how toxic some of my relationships had been until I quit. People always cite loosing friends when quitting as a negative. However, what kind of friends do you lose as a result of trying to improve/save your life? Guess... (not very good ones).
5) Health. It is hard to explain in words the benefit of AF and SF lifestyle. But I will try to list as many as I can
- Lose weight
- Skin looks much better
- Sweat less
- Less pain (mainly less headaches and stomach aches)
- Endurance (I completed a marathon since giving up, there is no way I would have been able to achieve that before. In a thought of doing a 5K was equivalent to going to the moon)
- Sense of taste is better. Yes this one may sound strange but many people on MWO have reported this. Alcohol kills or numbs your taste receptors and if you are a smoker too then you gain even more of your sense back
- Sex. I don't remember having sex completely sober before I quit. It can be awkward sometimes but it is so worth it. Because you actually get to enjoy it, remember it and connect with the other person. Stamina is a million times improved. I would say that if you never had sex sober you never really had sex
- Emotional stability. My emotions are not all over the place any more. I know why I feel happy, I know why I feel sad and I usually know how to deal with my emotions. I spend more time in the state of being content.
- Safety. When you drink there is more chances of putting yourself in a harms way. Whether it is leaving the oven on, walking through a dangerous neighbourhood or just going out late at night, driving or being a passenger with a drunk driver, being more aware of your situations and being at lower risk of becoming a victim.
I am sure there are a million other example I can list here...
However, I think it is also important to discuss the down side of giving up the drink as well. There is only one but it does affect my life in many ways and sometimes cause arguments. It Has nothing to do with you per se but people hate and I repeat hate teetotallers!!!!
Out of 100 people 10 people will try to verbally or even physically put you down for your decision not to drink. 40/100 wont like it but will keep their mouth shut but you will sense their uneasiness around you at least at the beginning. It will be your job to show them that you are a great and fun person and they usually warm up to you eventually. the other 40/100 don't notice or don't care. and the final 10/100 admire your decision and will ask why and how you did it.
These people act of a fear of unknown and it is a primitive fear of the outsiders. But I had some crazy reactions from people over the last two years. Some people who were throwing a party would ask me to leave, after finding out that I don't drink. May be they didn't mean it but their expression surely was serious. People also seem to distrust teetotallers. This sounds irrational as teetotallers seem to be more responsible but I have noticed it in business settings as well. Most networking events involve alcohol. And I feel like I have to carefully select drinks that look like they have alcohol in them to fool every one. Most women don't like alcoholics but they equally cant stand when a guy Is not drinking on a date. I posted a thread about a year ago about a girl that got so freaked out about me not drinking that she assumed I had some sort of evil intentions. She kept asking why I don't drink, am I a criminal or a drug abuser and I had to leave that situation. It was absolutely insane. It was a girl that I had an amazing time with until she asked me what I was drinking.
So one of the best advices I can give is never bring up you sobriety as a topic for conversation. It never leads anywhere good. Your friends will accept it and after a few outings will not notice it anymore. However, new people in your life will give you the hardest time so be strong and have a fun come back ready!!!
People at the beginning of this journey are worried that they will have to live the rest of their lives feeling as if they gave up something. On the contrary I live every day grateful that I don't drink. I never think that if only I could drink like a normal person. Never!
It is your brain trying to trick you into drinking. Those thoughts will stop probably around day 100 but every one is different.
So trust the people who have gone through all of this when they say this is the best decision you have ever made and you will never regret it!
Good Luck
Allan
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