Here I Go...

[liveandbreathe]

I have increasingly seen myself become a problem drinker, something I never in my life imagined would happen. I couldn't handle any form of alcohol until about 5 years ago (I'm now 38). Maybe a glass of wine made me tipsy after college....and now I get home from work to get to the bourbon and water. My husband is very supportive and does not hassle me at this point, for which I am grateful. We have no children by choice but I have a very interesting and fulfilling occupation, as does he. I just don't "get it" yet. (the reason I am so drawn to drinking myself into a stupor and then go to bed.) I truly crave it and have no family history of alcoholism.

At any rate, I drink from 5 or 6 pm until I hit the sack around 10 pm and have found in the last four years or so that I have made real modifications to my personal schedule so I am able to drink alone. I even sneak in hard liquor at places where it is not really acceptable (co-worker's kids ballgames after work, picnics where I know only beer is going to be served, etc.)

I am ashamed and ready to get this under control. I am going to speak with my doctor about Topamax, etc. and have the book and kudzu (etc) on order.

Wish me luck. Every day for what seems like forever but has really been five years has revolved around the 5 o'clock hour. And it would almost take an act of God to break this, I feel. We shall see.

[paraniod]

Here I Go...

welcome to the site. I am a little different than you, I am more of a binge drinker. So, I know that someone with insight on your question will be round soon. Good luck and keep posting. I have found a lot of comfort here.

[imatree]

Here I Go...

Hi, I'm glad you've found us and the MWO program. I'm relatively new here. I'm a drinker like you - daily, though for many more years. I have not reached goals yet but am getting closer and best thing is I gain more confidence that I can get over this addiction. Keep reading posts, posting, reading, thinking positive thoughts, fighting to regain your Self....
Good luck.

[goingsobermum]

Here I Go...

Welcome to MWO, you'll find loads of support and wise words here to help you on your way. This is a good place to be.

[cassy]

Here I Go...

Hi liveand breathe

Yes it feels like only"an Act of God" can change our problem with alcohol...bear that in mind as a strategy..the power of prayer!1
Also keep posting, there are amazing stories on here of people who have done rehab and felt rock bottom BUT little by little its a joy to listen to them make small steps towards their own goals.

Nobody said it would be easy to do..some of us have a history of donkeys years drinking so it will take some time to get to somewhere better depending on personal goals.

Good Luck and you honestly will get non judgemental support on her(invaluable when i am having a crap day but dont want to share that with close friends/family)

Regards Cassy

[toughintexas]

Here I Go...

Liveandbreathe, you can do this, I know it seems like only an act of God could be the only thing to change this for any of us, but ya know...its says that...."What's impossible with man, is Possible with God"...so there's hope!!! I think its a "habit" for sure, and all habits are hard to break, I didn't drink, or get drunk til my 30's either...so we have that in common....weird huh! I was the DD during college and when I was a pharm. sales rep....go figure! The supps help, and the topa is incredible.....you would probably see that as kinda a miracle....also, crazy as it sounds, and I've heard smokers say this, never smoked, but this is true for me, put some red tea you brewed in that highball glass over ice, even if its in betw. each bourbon to moderate....I think its "having something in your hand" is maybe part of it....the topa and supps will help with the cravings too....and get the CD's.... You have taken a huge step just coming here and knowing you need to change, this is the best place ever!!!! Let us help you, and you keep trying to help yourself!

[louise]

Here I Go...

Welcome liveandbreathe. I'm not even sure I believe in God but if there is one he/she is on this site. Definitely the higher power spoken of in AA resides here. Hang out and read as much as you can until your order comes. I started without the topa and then added the topa about 10 days later. So far so good.

[Beaches]

Here I Go...

Welcome Live,
I also came here when my drinking became out of control and I found that I was drinking before and during kids productions. It was very embarrassing to me because I would be in a fog about the whole event and tried not to talk to anyone afterwards to try and recap because..well you know.
I have been here almost a year and I can say that my life has turned around. Follow the program and you will do great. I was also on Topa and it really made a differnce as far as cravings were concerned.
Best of luck to you