need some word of wisdom

[going for it]

HI, its 3am and I've been lying in bed feeling guilty and scared (on top of a massive headache and feeling sick) I've come downstairs to post so I can come back to this site tomorrow and hopefully it will help me not have the dreaded wine o clock time
I'm sure many of you will identify with me, I really feel like I'm becoming 2 different people sometimes! it generally goes like this:
1, wake up feeling guilty and with varying amounts of feeling crap
2, get up for work, say to myself, no more wine, this is the first day of being AF
3, go to work, or if weekend, down time etc
4, as it gets towards the afternoon I start to feel better, and some how change into a different mind set! thoughts of "well just one glass to unwind" or "I deserve it after the day I've had at work" or "its the weekend, I'll start Sunday night"
5, persuade myself we need something from the shop, pick up the wine too and off I go again.

I need some words of wisdom from people please so I can come on and read tomorrow and get away from this horrible addictive drug, I hate myself at the minute, I know I can stop and just need to find some other way to relax and unwind perhaps.
Does anyone else do the same as me? I've even bought 3 books on stopping drinking and in the mornings I think " I'll go to bed and read them tonight" then I push them out of my mind and open the bottle of wine! argh, I feel like its a perpetual cycle that's never going to end, and its making me feel so depressed!

[treetops]

Welcome to MWO Going. You need to think about what you want to do about your drinking. How has it come to this? What are your patterns? Its very common to wake up at 3am and feel the guilts, horror etc - also very common to feel like this for most of the next day. But the trick is to keep reminding yourself of this - and asking yourself the same questions - later in the day. Then to get through this micro-bits of the day when you think 'just the one', 'I deserve it' etc. This means changing habits, developing new patterns, having a plan. And going to the shop should not be part of the plan. Once you think through it - its easy to find ways to subvert these ways to drink (shop first thing in the morning, avoid the AL section, get someone else if you can, to shop). The details can be worked out - there is a lot to do - but it can be done. It sounds also as if you should read some of those books you have bought. Sit down with a non alcoholic drink and read them. Read them before the evening. Read them instead of going to the shop.
Others will come along with links to the newbies nest and the toolbox - as these are good places to start. But first you need to decide what you want to do. Have you educated yourself about the impact of AL on your body? Read up about addiction? Thought about your likely future if you keep drinking? Done a list about the effects your drinking has on others? I bet you have!! But do some more reading and make a definite decision. Maybe put yourself on a trial - to quit for a month - and see how it goes. We are here, we have heard it all and more - but I tell you, I am so so glad to not wake up at 3am with a pain in the liver part of my body, a burning stomach - or the guilts and what-ifs. I still sometimes wake up - but its not the lonely and terrifying hell it was when I used to drink.

[going for it]

thank you treetops, yes I have done all those things, I even managed to quit before, in 2010 for 18 months and earlier in this new year for 4 months so I know I can do it and I know I felt great, I just need to get back there. I went back to promising myself I'd moderate and have a couple of glasses out with a meal and have ended up getting a new full time job, drinking after work each evening and the weekend rewarding myself with alcohol, I know the triggers, stress and an un realistic view of wine as a relaxer and stress releaser, which it is for about 2 hours then all the negativity sets in. I'll take your advice and will post later in the newbie next and then each day to keep me on track as well as reading my books.

[available]

Hi Going. I read what you posted and felt a bit of nostalgia as that was sooooo me but only you can make the ultimate decision to stop drinking and have a quit date as a plan. Like tree said you have to change your lifestyle to revolve around not drinking. Its hard and when i stopped i felt lost and anxious and depressed as i had lost my best friend but i was determined to give my last quit my whole. I came on mwo and read and read and posted like a lunatic. I watched documentaries on youtube about alcoholism, i watched movies, i slept when i was tired, i ate a lot of sugar, i ate a lot and drank lots of af drinks. when i got home from work i showered and got into my pjs so i would not leave the house again. I would tell myself i deserved a drink but at the end of the day only i could stop the madness. i have wonderful support in my children who i told i was giving up al and they were there to support me every step of the way and still are. You have had some great af time so you know the benefits. How did you stay af the previous times? Can you find a support person to help you?

Please go to the newbies nest it is a great place to make friends and be accountable on your journey. I never thought i could give up al but i have and i am living the life i wanted 20 years ago and love it. I know i cant drink again, i am an alcoholic and one drink is never enough for me.

[satz123]

I take you are in GMT timezone? Good.
Just to let you know that is almost identical to the post I wrote 2 years ago when I arrived back here. I was 12 months contentedly AF in June.
It CAN be done.
I will read on and come back to you .....

[satz123]

drinking after work each evening and the weekend rewarding myself with alcohol, I know the triggers, stress and an un realistic view of wine as a relaxer and stress releaser, which it is for about 2 hours then all the negativity sets in. I'll take your advice and will post later in the newbie next and then each day to keep me on track as well as reading my books.

Read here too GFI ( that's your new name )
By reading here for months & posting every day -I realised the folks on here had contented lives without alcohol. And I wanted that....
I went back to alcohol for holidays & weddings etc. but realised the love affair was over at that stage. I realised I hated alcohol and what it did to me. I wanted out.
I NEVER said NEVER again - so that scary bit (to me) was not needed.

change your lifestyle to revolve around not drinking. I came on mwo and read and read and posted like a lunatic. I watched documentaries on youtube about alcoholism, i watched movies, i slept when i was tired, i ate a lot of sugar, i ate a lot and drank lots of af drinks. when i got home from work i showered and got into my pjs so i would not leave the house again. .

As Ava says-be nice to yourself. It sounds weird but eat chocolate. It's only for a few months....
All of the above things worked for me too.

Go to the Nest & settle in.
The Army Thread also has mostly GMT folks - which helps when Ava & Co are snoring - so welcome there too.

[treetops]

Satz. We don't snore down here. Ava and I only made gentle little breaths when you guys are up and about

[available]

Satz. We don't snore down here. Ava and I only made gentle little breaths when you guys are up and about

I agree Tree, i dont snore anymore but in my drinking days apparently i sounded like a freight train acomin.

Satz i still cant say never to not drinking. I know i cant and i dont want to but never is for such a long time. I believe in taking it day by day and each day my resolve grows in not drinking. f

[satz123]

Satz. We don't snore down here. Ava and I only made gentle little breaths when you guys are up and about

Yeah right LOL
TT I did multi quote your post above - but it didn't 'take' - but again EVERYTHING in there is so true.:smug:

[Mstall]

welcome GFI! yep! I had those exact thoughts everyday until one day I realized I needed to do more and really commit or I would continue down that same path. Pick a day and do that first one, repeat. I chose to hibernate that first weekend which really helped. Just keep building up, focusing on one day at a time. You can do it!! Look forward to seeing you in the nest!

[going for it]

thanks everyone, I appreciate your advice and support, this site really helped last time and I'm sticking with it like I did before! I know I can do it, like you say its just a habit to break, and when I did stop before I loved it and will remember those times now. I stopped before because of my children too, I didn't want to be a bad role model and didn't want then to be brain washed like I did when I was a teenager into the world of alcohol. Again I'm looking on the positive side, I know the trade off from drinking is much too high, 2 hours of pleasure and a night time and day after of misery, and I'm looking forward to not drinking alcohol now, I'm going to do just what people say and get home, shower and PJ's with comfort food and telly (for a bit just till I get out of the habit of veering off towards the shop for a bottle of wine!) Thanks everyone and I'll be here again later, then tomorrow, then the day after and the day after that

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

welcome GFI! yep! I had those exact thoughts everyday until one day I realized I needed to do more and really commit or I would continue down that same path. Pick a day and do that first one, repeat. I chose to hibernate that first weekend which really helped. Just keep building up, focusing on one day at a time. You can do it!! Look forward to seeing you in the nest!

“Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” St. Francis of Assisi

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

“Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” St. Francis of Assisi

[j-vo]

Hi Shades,
I've just come back to MWO after a fall. Why don't you join us in the Newbies Nest. There are lots very wise people with lots of AF time that are extremely supportive and helpful. Hope to see you there.

[MossRose]

Hi GFI - I don't think there is a person here who hasn't experienced the "3 o'clock anxiety/guilt/shame" thing after a night of drinking. Probably the main reason I wanted to quit the madness. When it became an every night experience, I became desperate and depressed. So I quit. I'm inspired by your stretches of sobriety. You know you can do this. I know that the reward thing is hard to get past, but you can do it. xx