Newbie from Montreal

[Sco]

Hi, I just joined this website and it gives me hope. I've been a binge drinker for many years and am tired of dealing with the effects, the regrets, the shame and the blame.
Friday evenings are my danger zone. After a week at the office, I've gotten into the habit of downing either a bottle of white wine or 6 beers. Luckily, I do this at home so that I can fall into bed when the blackout hits. Then I wake up sometime during the night with rapid heartbeat, severe shame and anxiety, thinking Oh shit, I lost control again. I spend the next day - my precious Saturdays - in bed, feeling terrible, but so anxious that I can't even sleep it off. I take Advil PM or Gravol to try and sleep. I know this is a dangerous concoction. I've been in a year-long program twice but went back to drinking after. I recently contacted a hypnotherapist and had one hypnotherapy session. Although I did my usual Friday night drill a few days later, I have been listening to an MP3 he gave me on a daily basis and I am beginning to feel calmer and more in touch with myself. Then I found this website and I felt it was a place where I could belong. I live in Montreal and was wondering if anyone knows of a physician here who has experience with alcoholics.
Wish me luck!
Sco

[narilly]

Hey Sco,
I live in Calgary so I don't know any physicians in Montreal. Join us on the Newbies Nest, there is a lot of support there.

I used to drink every Friday myself and eventually every day. I have been trying to quit for about 10 or so years. Finally now, I can say I quit for good. (cross my fingers) MWO helps me a ton, the support here is amazing and all us really understand the struggle.

Hang in there, Go to the tools and read some of that too. It is really helpful. Sco, it is time to be grateful for not drinking, time to change the way you think. Don't drink today ok?

Hugs,
Nar.

[abcowboy]

:welcome: Sco! You've come to fantastic place to get support to help you on your AF journey! It is not easy, but very doable, just don't pick up that first drink! There are many threads to join, for the newbie, Newbie Nest, Newbie Nest Roll Call, 24 Hour Club are a few that come to mind... All it takes is to not pick up just one day at a time.... we're all here for you!

[Sco]

Hi Nar and ABCowboy,
Thanks for your support and kind welcome. I had another hynotherapy session today and I left feeling renewed. I really have hope this time.

After reading part of Roberta Jewell's book, I feel that, like her, I'd like to CONTROL the alcohol as opposed to abstaining. Have you read the book? Have you tried controlling? Did it work?
Not sure I believe what I'm reading in her book - sounds too good to be true. Will try to finish the book tomorrow. Would like to know what others think.
Hugs to you Nar. :-) Opps, I forgot this was addressed to <the alberta cowboy" too. Hugs to u2 abc. ;-)

[Sco]

Hope you saw my reply to Nar. Sorry, I'm just getting used to how the replies work. Thanks for the threads. Will take a peek.

[abcowboy]

Good evening Sco, I haven't read Roberta's book, but I know there is no such thing as "controlling" for me, it's all or nothing, so I choose nothing. It still seems a bit impossible, but I take it one day at a time, not yesterday, not tomorrow, just today!

[Cherokeer]

Welcome Sco, I have read her book. I tried moderating. I made deals with my husband, my head, and the devil. I only drank more. In the beginning I could not even entertain the idea of not drinking at all. If you can moderate great and I wish you success. But if that doesn't work, its okay, it didn't work for many here. I hope you hop into the newbies nest and the tool box. There is such amazing wisdom and support there and you will need it on your journey. Starting is the first step. Welcome! :welcome:

[Sco]

Hi everyone,
Thanks for responding.
I just read on another website

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism/140379-anyone-read-one.html

that Roberta Jewell is now abstinent. So I guess that answers my question. Yes, moderation did sound too good to be true. So I guess I'll stop finding excuses and concentrate on finding a way, one day at a time. I'm continuing with my hypnotherapy, relaxation, exercise, and am feeling good. Haven't had alcohol since last saturday night (only 2 glasses).
Goodnight :-)

[narilly]

Sco, I just did a long post and lost it!
My story of trying to moderate ends up with me having to abstain. Moderation did not work for me.
I had such high hopes that it would work but there is No way Out for me, I have to abstain.

talk soon,

[MossRose]

Hi Sco. I did read the book, long ago during my lurking years. I had dreams back then of being able to control AL, but in the end, AL controls me. So in my case, moderation is a bust. But even when I was reading the book, I realized that it would require the use of very powerful drugs. That made me pause. In the end, I decided not to take them so the program, as outlined in the book, was a no-go for me, and totally abstaining became my goal. However, if you visit the med section, there are a lot of people who have had good success with using meds to slow down or quit AL. It's a very personal decision and I would encourage you to reach out if that is what you decide to do. You'll have my support regardless of what you decide - moderation or abstaining. But I will warn you from experience - moderating is rough. And it sounds like you have been through the "recovery-relapse" journey already. Is that an experience you wish to repeat?

So I guess you have to ask yourself what you want out of life. I wanted peace. No more 3 o'clock in the morning anxiety attacks, no more overwhelming shame, no more Saturdays in bed. But most of all I wanted to repair the important relationships in my life. Moderating couldn't guarantee that. Only sobriety could ensure me the peace I was looking for. So I ordered the supps, used hypnosis (IRL and apps), and spent most of my free time on MWO. It really helped.

Let us know how you are doing. Post often. Stay accountable. It's the key to success. We'll be here for you.

xx, MR

[scottish lass]

Hi Sco - I think we all come here in the hopes we can become "social" drinkers - and many of us have tried, way too many times and then realized that it doesn't work. I think there are a few who do make it work, but it seems to be a very hard road to travel. The majority here realize that abstinence is the way to go. It seems as if you have also tried before, so in your heart you probably know this too.

This website went thru a major upgrade and Roberta Jewell was very involved - you can find some of her posts recently here...

[little beagle]

Sco welcome and please check out the Newbies Nest. I drank on Fridays and Saturdays for years, spent the rest of my precious weekend recovering. No more of that for me. You can do it too.:happy2:

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Hi Sco.... how are you doing? It is the weekend and I wondered if you returned.

Good news/Bad news is that we don't really know each other on this forum. I'm not here to judge you, but to support you. Like you, I could swill done a bottle of wine in an evening, and then finish the night off by drinking my husband's rum & coke (his leftover after he fell asleep). My husband was my drinking buddy and my best friend and my co-conspirator in making me feel like my relationship with alcohol was "normal".

You can look back on my history and see my story, but if this gives you hope- we've been sober since March. Together. It hasn't been easy, but we are happier now. :hug::hug: