Just one last one..

[Lalaland]

So, I've read Allan Carr few times. Just recently went 5 weeks sober and talked myself into drinking again "I'm not that bad" yada yada yada
Maybe it's true what they say, that it's harder each other time, that your addiction deepens.
I can't seem to quit. It's like I know I might quit forever and I should. That's why I keep delaying it..
Yesterday was suppose to be the last one. I got completely drunk and even called off of work. Slept the whole day, my family taking care of me. Felt better, went to work and after work, stopped by to get that "one last one". Wanted to get 2 little plastic bottles, you know tiny ones, that amount to two glasses of wine. well, just my luck, they run out of it. They only had moscato! Who drinks moscato??? Only 5% alcohol.
So I ended up getting the whole bottle of cab. Drank half of it and threw the rest away. Said proper good buy to it, you know... Not..
Went back and got it out got dumbster! (see, nothing wrong with it when you're drunk). Here I am with my last drink in my hand writing in here.
I figured if I write the truth, share it with somebody and get some responce I might feel bad enough and quit again..
Or maybe hear similar stories
But the main one I want to hear is that how YOU did it and your last drink and first few sober days.

[available]

Hi Lala,

I think for me i hit my bottom and everyones is different. I was not functioning, i was pushing my children away, i suffered anxiety and depression and shame and guilt daily but everyday i promised i would not drink to myself and everyday i did as you did and hit the repeat button. I realised that i was losing everything i held dear to me. So i came on here and read and listened to what the people said that had days up of being af and i took it on board. i worked out a plan and that was to get all al out of the house, to put away my wine glasses, to stock up with af drinks and to be gentle on myself. i slept when i was tired, i ate a confectionary factor and the one next door i reckon. I watched youtube documentaries and i posted on here everytime i wanted to give in. It is hard to accept "never" so dont. Just take it one day at a time, as the time passes and you feel better then acceptance replaces never and we realise in our hearts we are alcoholics. We all share the same addiction on here and we are here to support you.

Head over to the newbies nest and say hello, everyone is in different stages of stopping al and we all so want to stop.

You make the choice to drink Lala, i decided to claim my life back and i have. never will al rule my life again and i am so happy now and content.

Best of luck and you can do this.

[Yogamom]

Hi Ava, It is awesome that you are asking for help. I have given it up more than I can count. Don`t give up! Post here often! You were drinking and driving? That should be a good motivator to quit. You don't want to end up in handcuffs or in jail or killing some young child in an accident! You can do it. We are all struggling. Go over To the Newbie Nest!

[MossRose]

Lala - no one here wants to make you feel bad. Shame is the reason we drink, and a by-product of drinking. It's the chicken and egg syndrome. So that would be the last thing I would want you to feel after opening up to us. All I want to say is welcome. Friend, you have made a great decision. You are here. That's all that counts. What comes next is up to you, but you'll have our support and from experience, I can tell you it makes a world of difference.

Everything you say resonates with most of us. It begins when we realize that we have a problem with AL. So we start researching online, stumble across MWO, and begin lurking. In the beginning, we are loathe to label ourselves as an alcoholic. It has such a distasteful sound to it. At least it did for me. Next step, we promise ourselves, and sometimes others, that we will quit drinking. But we don't. We prefer to spend our time making excuses - "I'm not as bad a drunk as so-and-so, therefore, I'm ok." or, "I'll quit tomorrow. Really, I will. I'm just under so much stress right now!". Then we start bargaining - "Maybe I can moderate. Just have a drink here and there. No big deal." Finally, we start posting here, receive love and support, and realize that there really is only one way out. AL has to go. That seductive bastard will try to woo you back, but you can do this.

Head on over to the Newbies Nest and join in. We would love to have you. And please listen to Ava. She is a true success story. Eleven months sober, and living her life to to the fullest. When she speaks, I listen

Hope you stick around. Pour the wine down the drain. (That was my poison of choice too). And post often. Take care of yourself.

btw...Carr's book is great. So is Jason Vale's book. Same message - different delivery.

edit to add: Guess I never really answered your question. Lots of food, lots of sleep, vitamins, fresh juice, some tears, hot baths, yoga and posting constantly of MWO. You mention that you have a loving family, so I would suggest leaning on them too if at all possible.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Hello LaLa Land... Hey, are you my neighbor? I feel like I'm in La La Land too. :happy2:

You can't seem to quit... why do you want to quit? What's in it for you to quit?

I'm not saying you have to quit, or have to moderate... this is your journey, La La. But when you ask "how I did it"... well, it was non-eventful, so to speak. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of embarrassing moments- I've blacked out, I've mis-remembered many nights, I've done things I'm ashamed of.... BUT what made me quit? My dying father. You see, last February, my dad was officially diagnosed with Stage 4 stomach lining cancer, and at 85 years old, he chose hospice. As I stayed at my family home, I spent 2 sober weeks with my dad, and to this day, the time I spent with my dad was the best gift Life ever gave me. I can still hear his voice saying, "I'm 85 years old, Patty. I have no regrets." And after I left my childhood home and returned to my "real life", with the fully stocked bar and the overflowing wine racks.... I realized that if I was suddenly given 2 months to live, I couldn't say "no regrets". So I decided to make a change. One day at a time. With the support of the people here.

:hug: I hope this helps. Please share your story.

[Lalaland]

Omg, you, guys, are amazing! I just came back from Vegas today. I dodged 2 days of what seemed like a whole world drinking around me. (that is except for my amazing husband, he just had n/a beer).
Let me tell you it felt different.. And I was and am so proud of myself for doing it.
Returning home and reading your kind and wise words means a world to me
Tomorrow is day 4. I started antabuse pills again. I recently went 5 weeks without a drink, but talked myself into drinking again. Made a whole list how I would be different this time and careful and just completely failed it.. sort of funny but sad.. It's is true like Ava said to deal with forever. Maybe longer I go without al the easier that transition to "acceptance" of me as an alcoholic would be. But for now I find it terrifying to even sound it out to myself in my head. Although deep down I know its probably true..

[Lalaland]

thank you NHHHL for your support and a book suggestion. I love books like that. I will definitely read it. The other one I liked was "The thinking persons guide to sobriety" by Bert Pluymen. Great modern stories in there I could relate too. And Jack Osbourne's "21 years gone" my all time favorite so thanks again!

[available]

Lala, i still find it hard after 11 months to get it in my head this is forever, which it is, i know that and as time goes on it does get easier and our emotions even out and we dont focus on al. i can go weeks without thoughts of al and then BOOM right at me but i dont fight with myself anymore, i love the sober me, i love how i feel, i love how i look and i love me. Things i never did with a head in a bottle.

I did want a drink last week due to a lot of stress but that was just to numb me but i knew that a few drinks would be the end of me. I didnt and i am still coping but i did get support i needed to help me through. I used my plan just in case. Im still a recovering alcoholic, i am not out of the woods and i probably never will be but the benefits of being a sober alcoholic outweigh what i was when i was drinking.

A huge congratulations on not drinking in Vegas, you can do anything you set your sights on Lala.

[Lalaland]

Thank you for your support, Ava. I know it gets easier and I do love sober me. It's unfortunate to see such a huge difference though, as I desperately want to be "normal"... but this difference clearly shows that I'm not and I do have to stay away from alcohol.
Today I submitted my application to college. I want to start studying spanish as I wanted for years. New semester starts Jan 31.
So excited!

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

LaLa, Awesome accomplishment making it through the Vegas adventure without drinking! :hug:

Ava, I'm sorry you are going through grief, but thank you for your candor. To know that you made it through, I can too.... it means a lot.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!