So here I am again starting over at day one. :(

[rednose]

So here I am again starting over at day one.
A friend stopped by unannounced to watch the football game with me last night. Of course he brought beer. He had no idea that I had decided to quit drinking so I can’t blame him.
So of course being the ass I am I had to have a beer with him and you all know the rest of the story. 1 sound safe enough, but after six beers I feel like crap this morning.
Not only do I fell like crap physically I get to go through the remorse, shame, anger and self loathing.
Alcohol has done nothing positive in my life yet I keep going back to the well for more poison.
Needless to say I am pissed at myself to say the least. How many day ones do I have to endure before I get this right.
I think the feelings of failure are worse than the drinking.
Sorry to be a downer but it is how I feel this morning.

rednose

[Gardener]

Hi ya Rednose - Sorry you feel so bad today - the answer to "how many day 1's" is as many as it takes to quit!!! Don't stop trying. I have had so many Day 1's and I'm still early in my quit - 7 days yesterday, but it wasn't easy - I went to a party Saturday night, I was prepared and that really helped. Maybe you should have something in your arsenal that deals with the unexpected that comes out of nowhere. Come to think of it, I should too.

I'm sure others wiser than me will be along shortly - keep it up - get back on the horse and never stop trying.

[See the Light]

Hang in there Rednose...just try again and maybe this time something different...maybe the only worse thing than feeling "llike crap physically" and getting " to go through the remorse, shame, anger and self loathing." is not feeling that way..you regret it because you don't like it..so there is the positive..you want to not feel that way anymore...Ask yourself which is better is better short-term? - the great feeling of drinking when you start, or that horrible feeling when you are finished? Even if they are close, you know which one you want LONG TERM. Maybe you should take that post you just wrote and make a copy of it..hell make 10 or more copies...and keep them in your life...bring one with you wherever you go...pin one in your room where you get dressed each morning , and maybe another on your fridge,,and even one on your car..you get the point...don't let yourself forget why you HATE drinking...remember the pain, because you know it could only get worse...stop the pain now when you still have a chance to...best wishes...head back to Roll Call and begin your pain free life!!!

[meshellrn]

Hi Rednose,

I am only on day 2. I am back after trying to drink again for several months. I know now that I am an alchololic and have an allergy or disease. I bought the AA big book on line from amazon and am reading it. it really seems to help. come back to the roll call and do this with me, one day at a time. I bought some stuff to make shilrly temples, sounds silly but it is a good tasting drink from our childhood that gives an alternaivate to the wine at night and still make me feel good. Hang in and lets do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meshell

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Hi Red- seeing your post as I get settled in for the cold night. I'm glad you are ticked at yourself for drinking-. When you replay last night in your head, what could you have done different? So was this guy a friend or just an acquaintance? If he was a true friend, and you offered him a reasonable reason why you weren't drinking... Would he have accepted it and stayed, without cracking open a beer? Or was he a pal that had his plans suddenly changed, so he thought you would be a good plan B?

If you have the type of friendship where it's like an open door policy, then you need to develop a couple of tools so you don't let yourself get sabotaged again. Otherwise, who is to say you won't find him at your door again next Sunday?

Yesterday's over. What's your Plan for next weekend?
:hug: Hugs, Patty

[available]

Red, the day i stopped drinking and telling my children the night before that i was, my daughter rocks around with a bottle of wine. Oh my farking god, what do i do, do i drink it (obviously one bottle is way not enough) or do i stick with my stupid plan to not drink. I watched/looked at that bottle with pain and love but i thought to myself is ever a good day. What happens next time she brings a bottle around or anyone else. Do i give in or do i fight. I chose to say the two hardest words in an alkies vocabulary on the 1/12/13 and that was "no". Have i won, fuck yes! Nearly a year later i am where i am today because i said NO. I will keep saying no, for the rest of my life as i cant drink. I love my daughter but i also love my life. We laugh at what she did now but it was one of the hardest decisions i had to make not to take that drink but i knew that my next day 1 would not have been for another month at least (i always wanted to stop on the first of the month for some reason). I had honestly had enough of myself, my life and drinking.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

How are you today Red? . My nose is red today too, as the weather is cold here!

[rednose]

How are you today Red? . My nose is red today too, as the whether is cold here!

NotHappyHourHappyLife;

Thanks for asking. I am doing ok tonight. Not drinking and reading post and looking forward to waking up tomorrow with no hangover. How are you doing?

rednose :thanks:

[paulywogg]

Sorry to hear that you chose to drink Red,it is hard and i think the self-doubt we get after is worse than the actual drinking,i was cruising along then decided to drink on Halloween,now i'm kinda filled with a despair like i just can't trust myself! i've taken al off the table for good so many times,then i just don't know what happenssame as you when your friend came over,it probly just felt so "normal"to be a couple of guys sitting around watching football and drinking,that's fine i guess for people who can actually remain human while drinking,we can't,i hope you make this your last day 1 and i hope my day 1's are over too,it's too much time wasted on nonsense

[Fin]

I'm with you Rednose. I like the common message coming out of this thread that the important detail is that we're back. Go for as many Day 1's as it takes to make it stick!

[rednose]

I'm with you Rednose. I like the common message coming out of this thread that the important detail is that we're back. Go for as many Day 1's as it takes to make it stick!

Fin

Thank for the support. Let's keep this going. on day two for me as well.

rednose

[Fin]

Fin

Thank for the support. Let's keep this going. on day two for me as well.

rednose

Sounds good to me. Side note. My kids are campaigning hard for a black lab. Maybe next spring. I had them growing up. Awesome dogs.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Hi Red,
I'm doing well, thanks for asking. Hopefully, you are finishing day 2 and ready for the next AF day.
A challenge tomorrow night will be a celebration party that I'm hosting- I will not drink and I hope that my husband can with stand the peer pressure, and not drink with me. If he does, I have to try my hardest not to give him "THE LOOK" that a wife of 20 years has oh-so perfected. lol

Patty

[rednose]

[QUOTE=NotHappyHourHappyLife;1578138]Hi Red,
I'm doing well, thanks for asking. Hopefully, you are finishing day 2 and ready for the next AF day.
A challenge tomorrow night will be a celebration party that I'm hosting- I will not drink and I hope that my husband can with stand the peer pressure, and not drink with me. If he does, I have to try my hardest not to give him "THE LOOK" that a wife of 20 years has oh-so perfected. lol

NotHappyHourHappyLife;

Yes the dreaded holiday parties. Thankfully I don't have to deal with much of that.
I am feeling good about another day AF.

I do however get to travel from the west coast to the east coast for Thanksgiving. This has been a trigger for me in the past but I have a plan in place.

rednose day 3

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

RedNose... I feel like Snoopy doing his happy dance- tonight at our work party, my husband drank sweet tea. Little victory, but he ordered before me and simply ordered it. I feel so happy inside. Having a partner in crime for 20 years, we may become the tea totalers together.
Keep planning, Red. Hugs.