Stabilisation

[shambles70]

Hi Everyone, I'm Shambles70. After a month of admitting to myself that 25 years of solid drinking wasn't normal (I'm 44) and that it was me that had a problem, and not those around me who thought my drinking was excessive and worrying, I went on the biggest binge in my life, culminating in an A&E admission last Sunday. Through that, I got a referral to the Community Drug and Alcohol Team; I had my interview with them on Thursday.

They agreed that I needed detox, but said that I could not do this until I had stabilised. I had never heard of this concept before. Basically, I had been drinking so chaotically that starting a detox would be out of the question because my brain/body chemistry was so all over the place. They told me to drink in such a way as it would be just enough to control the horrendous withdrawals I was experiencing, as and when I needed to, which I have been doing since Friday. I am currently drinking about 2 bottles of wine a day like this. About 1/2 a small glass of wine every hour or so.

Ward round is tomorrow, where the doc will decide if I need an in-patient detox or can do it at home.

It has been a very odd experience. On the one hand, I DO feel stabilised, in that my withdrawals, although still there, are under control somewhat. Sleeping is still hard, as is waking up, but the anxiety/shakes are vastly reduced, my appetite is returning and the real horrors of withdrawal (the hallucinations, the disordered thinking, the dangerous stuff) are not there at all.

So I am considering this a pre-detox, really, and in the same way, I'm considering this a pre-detox post!

Thanks for your time. I can see that this is going to be a very important place for me to be over the next months!

Shambles

[JackieClaire]

:welcome: Shambles,

I'm taking it as read that you're in the UK as you refer to A&E not the ER..

I was referred many years ago to a Drug and Alcohol team many moons ago and the drinking stabilisation rings so many bells.

Slightly different for me in the fact that the advice given to me was to drink later in the day and try and drink slower and keep it to two or less bottles a day. I don't know all the scientific ins and outs of a de-tox.......but I know it'll help them plan your own individual de-tox plan............there's also body weight to take into account. The last thing they want to do is knock you out like a zombie or not give you enough and make for a very uncomfortable time.

My de-toxes were sometimes done as a day patient using diazapam (valium) over a period of 10 days..........starting with a high dose and tapering to nothing........and after that still had the support from the D&A services.............and I've done them at home. I'm very lucky that I've always had my husband's support and he's been able to keep an eye on me.

I'm not going to wish you luck.............I'm going to wish you strength.............and my own knowledge that giving up alcohol is the best thing I have ever done in my life.

[roxane]

welcome shambles.

its good to see that you have been offered help and also that you are taking it. that is a major step in the right direction.

this site can be a bit of a labyrinth, which, when you want the hours to go by, is just what is needed. so look around, there is years of peoples experiences here for you to read, good and bad. the stories of struggles and triumphs show you are not alone in this.

eta, the front page is easy to read, dont want you to think its a difficult site.

[available]

Welcome Shambles. This is mine and a lot of peoples support network to stay sober. I could not do it by myself. Settle in and make yourself at home. listen to the advice of the drs and take each day as it comes. You can do this.

[abcowboy]

Another welcome from me as well shambles! This is a great journey you have started, one that is almost impossible on your own, but you have found an online support group that is second to none! Hopefully you also have support from family and friends as well. The important thing is to not get too far ahead of yourself, take it one day at a time, and never be worried or ashamed of asking for help! Any questions you have, don't be afraid to ask...we're all here to help and support you.

[shambles70]

Good morning and a Happy New Year to everyone. Thank you so much for your replies...I found it hard to answer/post whilst I was still stabilising and reducing, but the contact was appreciated nonetheless! It's weird that I felt uncomfortable posting before I had quit completely; I think that a) I wasn't in much of a fit state to do much of anything coherently and b) It felt right for me to wait and post only after I got sober. I spent a lot of time on here reading through various threads though, and I'm so glad I was directed to this site.

So I had my last drink on Christmas Eve, which means today is day 9 for me. That's the longest I have been sober for 9 years. I can honestly say that, whilst by no means easy, it has not been as hard as I thought it was going to be. (Please do not mistake this for over-confidence, I am prepared for some stinking times ahead!) so far, though, the benefits of quitting are completely eclipsing any alcohol-mind bargaining that crops up. One of my tools (weapons?) is to consciously adopt a detached and amused stance when the bargaining appears. 'The holidays will be much more fun with a couple (yeah, right) of drinks', 'Wait till New Years Day and then start, you have to see the New Year in with a bottle of Champers', 'Everyone will think you're a bore' and my personal favourite, 'Look, you successfully reduced, you'll be able to moderate now'. All of which I have proved to be complete bollocks. As it was, I had a fantastic Christmas and New Year, with most people around me drinking all the time. I cooked dinner on Christmas day, played with the kids (not mine, unfortunately: she's disowned me, but that's a story for another time) and felt progressively better and better physically and mentally. One of my biggest fears about quitting was that neither life or I would be interesting/engaging/entertaining any more. What a load of rot that fear was! My girlfriend is over the moon with the sober me. She cannot believe how quickly I am 'regenerating', and to see how happy she is makes me even more determined to stay quit.

My stabilisation/reduction process took about a month. I know it's not for everybody, but it did work for me, and I offer my experience in the hope that it may be useful for someone thinking about running this route. I had 4 choices by the time the Drug and Alcohol services became involved, following an A&E admission.

1) To continue drinking. (At that point, despite knowing that I was on the brink of losing my girlfriend, family, job, self-respect, life or causing harm/death to another, this was the only way I could see myself going)
2) To go cold turkey. (I knew from previous experience and was told by the D&A therapist and my GP not to do this. I was having daily withdrawals and it would be a nightmare)
3) To do a medical detox (at home or admission: they were leaning towards admission at that point)
4) To stabilise and taper, stabilise and taper.

I started with 2 bottles of wine a for about a week, but I had to completely change the way I used alcohol. I had to spread it throughout the day, rather than downing a bottle and a half for breakfast to get the day going, and I could only drink it when I began to feel uncomfortable because of the withdrawal, and then only in a small glass. I was using it as medicine. Other things- take small sips, put the glass down between sips, keep the bottle out of the room (gives you a fighting chance to think about if you really need a drink while you have to go and get it), drink N/A drinks in between, wait 5 minutes, do something else for a bit. I had been signed off work by my GP at this point, luckily.

Every morning I would get my 2 bottles for the day. Never any more than that. That meant that I had to make an effort to get it every day, and if there had been any more in the house, I would have necked it. After a week, I saw my therapist who suggested I start reducing, and I went down by 1/4 of a bottle (He had suggested 1/2 a glass a week reduction, but I thought that was gonna be too slow) pouring the remainder down the sink at the end of the night. (painful!)

Since starting the process, I had experienced only minor withdrawals, and had gotten rid of the more wretched symptoms completely. I had some before stabilising on 1 and 1/2 (tremor, shaking, anxiety, insomnia) but not since, though I still have really disrupted sleep atm. started to eat more regularly. By one bottle, about a week before I quit, I was completely sick of the whole process. It was boring and repetitive. I went to a meeting with the D&A Psychiatrist and my therapist and they recommended a home medical detox in early Jan, if I couldn't lick it alone. I was determined to keep reducing, and decided that I would aim for Christmas Day as Day 1. Went to the GP and was prescribed Amitriptyline for sleep. (10mg 3 hours before sleep, but ended up using 20mg as advised by the doc. They have been a good short-term solution for me)

So I quit on Christmas Day!

Certainly wasn't easy by any means, but having a desire to stop (in spite of believing I couldn't), changing alcohol into a medicine rather than something to get down your neck as quickly as possible, educating myself as much as possible about alcohol and having professional support made it do-able for me, something I never imagined I would be capable of doing. It enabled me to take back some control. I am so lucky that my girl supported me through this. She has found it difficult at times to get her head around. How is drinking at 8am in the morning going to make you stop? She was cautious and naturally fearful that I was not going to hack it, and if I didn't stop, our relationship wasn't going to last for much longer, but towards the end she could understand why it was working. It also gave me a month to get my head around quitting for good.

Didn't mean to go on for so long! Planning to stick around here though, so you'll have to get used to it!

Happy New Year, wherever you are on the journey.

Shambles

[See the Light]

Welcome back shambles. What a great story you will have to share from now on...Sober on Christmas is a fantastic reminder of what you have in life that is so much better without AL. I also wish I could have gotten through the process as cleanly and organized as you seemed, but hopefully it will serve as a template for others to follow. Welcome to a sober 2015!

I’ll leave you with a few words from Benjamin Franklin’s 1755 Poor Richard’s Almanac: “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors and let every New Year find you a better person.”

A goal for us all

[JackieClaire]

And a very Happy New Year to you Shambles.............I am absolutely delighted for you...........and you've got a firm grip on the reality of addiction.

There's a new chap on the boards.........just click on the link below.............just wondering if you could give him some tips.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/showthread.php?90934-Hello-Everyone-British-Expat-Living-in-Germany-starting-mission-today

[shambles70]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and the welcome! Mollyka, I know what you mean about having a couple and then thinking 'feck it'. That's why it's so important to look at it as medicine right from the get go. After a couple of weeks I started trying to put more time in between drinks, using the time to retrain myself to do essential things that I had been neglecting. Self-care, eating better, paying bills, watching movies, connecting with people...The next thing, I'd have gone 3 hours without drinking.

For me, the periods of stabilisation were as important as the reduction.

I wasn't organised, STL! I just did what I was told

JackieClaire, I will head over there in a bit and stick my nose in!

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Welcome Shambles!
Congratulations on your success-
While your writing made me think it was an easy, established process, I know from experience that the reason it appears as "easy" is because of your sheer determination to see it to the other side of the rainbow.
You can do this, and when the going gets rough, don't hesitate to come here and post.
Hugs. Patty

[shambles70]

Hi NHH, I certainly did not want to give the impression it was easy. We all know it isn't, and I wouldn't want to give that impression to anyone considering it as a way of quitting. I'd say it was doable, with the right frame of mind from the outset. It was (for me) a whole lot kinder on myself than just stopping one day. Did I have a drink when I didn't really need it? Of course I did. What got me through was knowing that I had a certain amount to stick to. If I'd have necked it all by 9am, I'd be having horrendous withdrawals by late afternoon, with nothing to relieve them. That thought was a very good motivator! Towards the end of it, I was so sick and tired of the whole measuring, timing, logging it all down process that I was actually looking forward to stopping!

[paulywogg]

This is great news Shambles, do not go back! Keep moving forward

[wyldetymes]

Good luck mate - thank for the tip
I hate all that timing an looging too but its had to be done