I just read "Love Letters to yourself"- the thread about lurkers

[tryingtoohard]

I have been lurking here for months. I am scared I can't quit drinking, and it's beginning to ruin my life. No, I have never missed a day of work, but I am having trouble getting along with people now. it's getting worse.

[available]

Hi Trying and welcome. I never thought i could give up drinking either, i dont think any of us who come on here think we can but with support of others that totally "get" where you are coming from it is much easier. I feel safe here and understood. No-one judges me for being an alcoholic. I was a functionally alcoholic or that was the title i gave myself. 4 children and a job so to the outside world i looked normal but behind closed doors i drank and drank everyday and isolated myself.

You can stop drinking by taking it day by day, minute by minute and each day gets easier. I used to look at people here with big days up of being sober and thought they must have done it easy but nope, we did it the same as everyone else. I have been just over a year sober and i felt the same, exactly the same as you this time last year.

Head over to the Newbies Nest, there is a wealth of support for one and all there and always someone to help. I have never regretted logging onto MWO three years ago, i just wish i had stopped three years ago.

[tryingtoohard]

Thank you. I just "came out" to my sister- but, since I actually don't drink that much (in terms of amount)- I don't think she is going to take it seriously. I don't know if she understands that I haven't had a fully sober day in a decade. I am not one of those people who can drink a bottle of wine, and I don't do "benders." I fake it by drinking very small amounts of bourbon- constantly. I have a masters and a professional position, and when I get home in the afternoon, I don't even take my coat off before my hand is on the bottle. I am lit by 4:00PM, every single day during the week, and by noon on the weekends.

[satz123]

I have been lurking here for months. I am scared I can't quit drinking, and it's beginning to ruin my life. No, I have never missed a day of work, but I am having trouble getting along with people now. it's getting worse.

You've DONE IT !!!
Taken the first step.
I couldn't imagine ONE day without alcohol - when I started posting here ............................
stay close & listen to Ava there -she's a GEM on this site !

[tryingtoohard]

Thank you! Thank you so much. I am so unhappy. Like I wrote, professional job, married to a professional- house in an upscale neighborhood (which I hate, btw) and I am hiding in a bottle. Again, I don't even drink that "much." I am never ripped in public- don't go to bars. I just constantly have a small amount ALL THE TIME. I am either at work, asleep, or buzzed.

[available]

I dont think Trying that "normal" drinkers get our problem. They can take al or leave it but to us we need that fix at the end of the day or beginning, we dont think we crave it but we do. I was planning which bottleshop i was going to go to before i left work so i could get in my front door with wine, feed the dogs and drink. I was swearing to myself each morning i would not drink that day. I broke so many promises to myself every single day. I justified with myself that i was not "that bad", i wasnt homeless, i had a job but i was that bad, i drank two bottles of wine everyday of the week. Who does that?

Your story Trying is so like all of us on here. We are full of shame, guilt and remorse every single day but we keep drinking. Can you use your sister as a support person, tell her you need a break from al as it is making you unwell. I made myself accountable to my children and this site. I logged on here daily and still do to help myself and help others.

My advice is to get rid of all al out of your house, eat what you want when you want. we seem to crave a lot of sugary foods and thats fine, sleep when you are tired and change your routine so you avoid where you buy al and keep on here. Youtube doco's on alcoholism, watch movies on al and be gentle on yourself.

Take your life back, you will never ever regret posting on here for help and believe in yourself that you can stop. I protect my quit with my life now, no one will take it off me especially alcohol.

Love you Satz xx

[tryingtoohard]

Thank you! Wow- good advice in this thread. Thank you all so much. I am drinking now, btw

[available]

Pick a date to quit and make a plan Trying. The silly season is always hard to stop drinking and there is never a good day to lose your best friend but it has to be done. Keep reading around here and post away, someone will be around. I hope to see you back again. Im in Australia so my sleep time but everyone else will be waking soon. I love the nightshift but the pay is crummy on here!

[frances]

I have a masters and a professional position, and when I get home in the afternoon, I don't even take my coat off before my hand is on the bottle. I am lit by 4:00PM, every single day during the week, and by noon on the weekends.

This sounds very familiar Trying - I got to the point where I didn't even make it home first. I was having a drink on my long commute home. Then I switched jobs and it was a shorter commute, and for awhile I didn't, but then I started drinking on the way home from that job too. Every day. And earlier on weekends, just like you - sometimes before noon if I was home from church and then off to the next thing. It had taken over my life. It is extremely freeing to be away from it! I'm so glad you're here - stick around and read and post and get support - it is sooo worth it!

[tryingtoohard]

I don't drink and drive at all....see what I mean? I have been lying to myself, my husband etc with the BS. I just drink quietly at home- all day if I don't have to work. It's bad- I don't have to tell anyone here that. I have bourbon hidden in closets around the house so I can get a "hit" if I need to, and am hiding it from my husband. I want a sober day. I really do.

[satz123]

I really can't add more than what has been said.

Stay on here - post . Go to Newbie's nest ..... there is a great gang over there at different stages of this thing.
I was EXACTLY like you. Not a HUGE drinker - but had to have those few every day while making dinner - not drunk ever - but had to have them - and knew it was wrong.
My tolerance was also getting stronger - is yours ? It will..
btw I was still drinking when I first posted here - 2 years ago - as were most people.

Pick a day - eat lots of sugar - chocolate - anything that gets you through day 1.
I ate a whole cake on my day 1

[tryingtoohard]

Thank you! I want to pick a day, but damnit. I just can't imagine a day without al. I can't yet. I want this so badly. I really like the folks here. And yes- I am drinking right now, and no I don't have to go to work or drive. Honestly, it's beyond ridiculous. I am making vegan "eggs" for my husband for breakfast in bed- and I just "look" so "normal." This is really scary

[satz123]

Thank you! I want to pick a day, but damnit. I just can't imagine a day without al. I can't yet. I want this so badly. I really like the folks here. And yes- I am drinking right now, and no I don't have to go to work or drive. Honestly, it's beyond ridiculous. I am making vegan "eggs" for my husband for breakfast in bed- and I just "look" so "normal." This is really scary

We all felt that way.
Scared
Take your time - this is not a race - no-one is taking score - ease your way into the sober thinking.
It WILL happen -
I even said I will NEVER say NEVER again. Just found that too difficult to comtemplate.
I NEVER thought the day would come where I'd go AF - it did eventually.

[Byrdlady]

Thank you! I want to pick a day, but damnit. I just can't imagine a day without al. I can't yet. I want this so badly. I really like the folks here. And yes- I am drinking right now, and no I don't have to go to work or drive. Honestly, it's beyond ridiculous. I am making vegan "eggs" for my husband for breakfast in bed- and I just "look" so "normal." This is really scary

When you want to be sober MORE than you want to be drunk, you will find a way to quit. Every single one of us started out not knowing how we were going to do this. A day without AL was unthinkable...until we did it. Then rinse and repeat.

The thing about our condition is that it doesn't get better over time...it doesn't even stay the same....it gets progressively worse. So if you aren't 'that bad' today, next year and the year after that you will be doing all these things you don't do now. How do I know? I WAS YOU. I began drinking earlier in the day. On weekends, instead of waiting til 5 o'clock, I'd start earlier and earlier until I was drinking at 10:30 in the morning. I didn't drink and drive either. I never lost my job. I live in a nice neighborhood too, but guess what? I'm a Stage 3 alcoholic. Yes, it can happen to the best of us. We have quite a mix on this site, most of us are responsible, law abiding citizens, but we all share one thing: Alcohol abuse.

If you are determined to beat this, we can help. The first step is DESIRE. We can teach you the rest. Head on over to the Newbie's Nest for total support. All the best, Byrdie

[tryingtoohard]

Thank you! I took a very long nap, and woke up wondering if anyone had responded to this thread- it's already helping. I also started taking kudzu-