Yesterday, I "met" or was "introduced" to some remarkable people. I spent the day contemplating my al use- and started digging through threads, chatting with one of the members here- it was amazing. I "came out" to my husband last night. I told him flat out that I was either at work, asleep, or using bourbon. Yes. I still drank yesterday. I am going to drink today. I am not ready to pick a "quit day" yet- but, I am not afraid to talk about it now, either.
I AM putting together my own "toolbox" to use.
One of my "triggers" is dealing with my sister in law, who is frankly a judgemental bitch. I can't say it any other way right now. She whines to her mother that my husband doesn't "call her," and so I emailed her and said "Our number is the same, give us a call."
She wrote back and said "no. He has to call me."
For the first time, I realized that I am dealing with someone who has mental issues that are as severe as mine- so instead of reacting with "FU," I just deleted the email. I'll figure that one out later, right now, I need to concentrate on my wellness. I can't fix her.
The Serenity Prayer makes sense to me for the very first time ever.
So, I am dealing now. And that's the first step. One of the "tools" I will use is professional counseling. I want to be happy and sober. Do I want to moderate or quit? Right now, I want to say "moderate," but I am not sure that's going to work. If I "waste" any time on it, it won't be more than a week or so.
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support.
I AM putting together my own "toolbox" to use.
One of my "triggers" is dealing with my sister in law, who is frankly a judgemental bitch. I can't say it any other way right now. She whines to her mother that my husband doesn't "call her," and so I emailed her and said "Our number is the same, give us a call."
She wrote back and said "no. He has to call me."
For the first time, I realized that I am dealing with someone who has mental issues that are as severe as mine- so instead of reacting with "FU," I just deleted the email. I'll figure that one out later, right now, I need to concentrate on my wellness. I can't fix her.
The Serenity Prayer makes sense to me for the very first time ever.
So, I am dealing now. And that's the first step. One of the "tools" I will use is professional counseling. I want to be happy and sober. Do I want to moderate or quit? Right now, I want to say "moderate," but I am not sure that's going to work. If I "waste" any time on it, it won't be more than a week or so.
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support.
I am only thinking "moderation" because I am still in denial. I finally admitted I have a problem (and a big one), so the "Complete quit" is next. I have to do this- I have to. I love it here. Thank you so much for responding to me- it's folks like you that I think, "I would love to meet them- that person is amazing" and it keeps me working. I am a long time lurker.
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