New here, saying hello

[gambler]

I dont think I ever gave you a proper 'Welcome to MWO' Tea. Welcome to MWO

Dave, I don't know if I feel comfortable in the nest.It comes across as very preachy, I am doing okay and happy to be sober but maybe not at the signing up for life stage just yet.

I think that's the case in just about any forum. Some people type what they think while others type what they read ( how it sounds ). Sometimes what one is trying to say does not come out the same way as intended. Im suppose that there are some posts that are passionate..that come across as preachy. LOL..Im not trying to pressure you into the nest..just saying. ( and at first I didnt want to hang out in there either ).

I guess I am just a little lost right now. I gave up drinking because I wanted to. It wasn't a 'rock bottom' thing for me. I wasn't in trouble or in danger of losing anything. I stopped just to see what life was like without drinking. And I Like it, a lot. I see the word 'alcoholic' a lot in the nest. That label does not sit well with me. It has very negative connotations and I really don't see myself or my drinking in that way. Maybe that's why I don't feel I fit in. Anyway, thanks for the responses, I think an hour or so at the gym is in order!

Alcoholic..boosers..drinkers/drunks..four on the floor...whatever. There are surly those that fit the standard definition of 'alcoholic' but there are others that just want to stop drinking. I dont want to be called an alkie either. Am I one? Hell I don't know. Do I care if I am..or someone labels me one? Not really. Do I have a better life and better opportunities? You betcha!

Back to your first post..

Hi everyone. I am new to the site and have been happily sober for three months now. I just had to stop drinking as I was not in control whenever I started, so I decided to stop starting. Great you might think. And yes, it is great but I find myself missing it over the festive season. I had a lovely Christmas but everyone drinking and I just felt like the odd one out and ended up thinking I could just have one or two but also if I could do that I wouldn't have to stop, would I? Sorry for the ramble, just want your thoughts. Does anyone else find this time of year tough going?

Erm..Yup. A lot of peeps do. This year for me was easy though. I didn't go to my buddies house to drink, play darts and hang out this year ( he was cool with that ). For the first time since I was 14yrs old I didn't celebrate my birthday ( January 1st ) with a bottle of Cold Duck ( it was an annual tradition started by my Grandmother ). My kids, who are happy that I dont drink anymore, even suggested that I could have just a few drinks to celebrate. But Ive already committed. In for a penny in for a pound. Plus..I just don't want my old lifestyle back.

^^ now Thats a Ramble ^^

Dave.

[teadrinker]

Well, thank you so much for your responses everyone. Turnagain, your post really struck home. I always associated alcohol with that romanticism, that big con about how good it makes you feel. The science is undeniable when you really look at it. Unfortunately most people don't till it's too late and it takes a bit of sober time to step back and really look at it. Kind of ironic really.

Dave, I don't want my old lifestyle back either. It's funny, I didn't realise how much my senses had become just downright dulled over the years. Things that I used to be passionate about just kind of took a back seat. It's kind of new and exciting to be getting really involved in life and the small things that make it so great.
There are so many posts I want to reply to and just hearing opinions and thoughts from all of you good people gives me a lot to think about. I'll leave it at that for now. Thank you gain for the kindness you have shown in reading and posting. xx

[Alex27]

Hi teadrinker, 3 months is already an achievement, but you still have a long way to go, so keep it up.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Hi Tea drinker, I stopped drinking about a year ago, when the focus of my life shifted from my life as I knew it, to being with my Dad during his final days.
I left my family and traveled across country to live in my parent's home, to care for my Dad. He said to me, "I'm 85 years old, dear, and I have no regrets."
I was 49 and realized that I did have regrets, and that I had made mistakes that were "life lessons", IF I chose to learn from these mistakes.

So, for the last year, I've been alcohol free. I don't need the label of being an alcoholic embedded in my mind, because then I think that it means I can NEVER have alcohol again. Perhaps I will want to drink again. Perhaps I won't... Maybe it is a mind game, but I don't want to give alcohol that power.

I don't read the Newbies nest because I agree with you that it can get preachy. But I understand why.

In one way, when someone is dedicated to a "cause".... you pick it: being gluten free, running a marathon, saving pets, finding religion, not drinking... when people become focused on the ONE thing, then they naturally think that everyone around them should also share the same mind set. You feel better because you don't eat gluten, or because you ran "only" 5 miles in the morning.... so you want others to embrace your lifestyle. You want to convert them to your way of thinking.... and in the real world, when people see you coming down the street full of your cause, they casually cross to the other side so that they only need to casually wave from a distance, versus getting caught in a one way dialog about how great your life has become since you found...."X".

I'm not on MWO as much as I used to be because I don't want alcohol to dominate my life. I am the same person that I was a year ago, but I'm not drinking.... I'm not better or worse, I'm me. If I keep alcohol- whether it's drinking it, or not drinking it- always in my decision set, then it will ALWAYS be in my life- does that make any sense?

I was at a work conference last week and sat down with 3 friends at a formal dinner. There happened to be 2 other strangers at the table. One of my friends did not drink, and neither did I, but 2 of my friends were drinking. It didn't really matter to me. One of the strangers was drinking beer, and the other one was drinking water. As we talked over dinner, we got to know each other, and we started talking about some of the all-inclusive resorts that are out of the country. Often times, there are open liquor bottles strapped upside down in every hotel room, and we laughed about how silly it is for a business to have meetings at these resorts... at them, since some employees will be-bop back to their hotel rooms during the day for a little cocktail during the business meeting!
The non-drinking man next to me said apologetically, "I don't drink anymore. My friends would switch out their booze bottles with mine so they'd get extra alcohol every day!" At that point, I said something about not drinking, either, and that it has really helped my memory for those important business notes. :congratulatory:

Anyway, one of my other friends came by and asked for my "drink tickets" and I happily gave them to him.... and as the night got older, the man next to me left the table and came back with two club sodas and gave me one. In retrospect, I think that this kind man is newer in his alcohol-free shoes, and I think that seeing other people simply enjoying the evening without having to drink was enlightening to him.

I used to think that being alcohol free was punishment.
I used to think of alcohol as a "reward" for doing something. I now realize it is not.

Will I drink again? Maybe. Maybe not.
But is my life today better without drinking every night? Without a doubt.

Tea drinker, this is your life, with or without the bigger bust, lol.
Be comfortable in your shoes, and know that your life is in your control.
I hope this isn't too preachy!

Hugs, Patty

[teadrinker]

NotHappy, thanks for your post. And everyone else who has responded. I didn't make it to six months. I made it to five, but I am now trying to climb out of the rabbit hole once again. It's a strange and desperate merry go round, but I have learned a lot and I'm hopeful. Not Happy, a lot of what you said makes perfect sense to me. But the idea of alcohol being a reward, I started off with that. The older I get the more I think it is a punishment that I somehow deserve. I certainly don't drink anything like I used to, but it seems to me that when I do it's something I endure, not enjoy.

I haven't had a drink today, and one of the strangest and most enduring things about my drinking career is my ability for recovery. I really do not suffer long term. So I know that in a day or two I will be feeling really good, positive about my AF free future (which I long for). But I see the question all the time, what triggered your drinking this time Tea? I still don't think I know the answer. Thank you all again for listening and responding. Tea xx