Hello Everyone British Expat Living in Germany starting mission today

[wyldetymes]

Hello
I lost my wife to a terrible accident this time last year - the very day. Car skidded on ice and went over a ravine ....

I lost the plot after that - Im 60 don't speak much German so I was pretty isolated in my grief .
I started with Mr Al Cohol just as a way of forgetting the pain - he was nice to me and we got to know each other real slow. We started on Beer - just a few - I didn't need much more.

He visited me at night so i could sleep. But then he stopped his magic so but he offered me a glass of fine red Chianti and then he said I need 2 and finally a bottle. Now all that beer didn't mix with wine so we decided on scotch - same bang less volume. And pretty soon old Mr Al Cohol had me starting earlier wine with dinner and scotch in evening - nice guy gave time to finish the whole bottle before bed . And he saved the beer for breakfast and lunch as mornings weren't so easy.
But then he decided on scotch for breakfast in the tea - beer for lunch - wine with dinner and back to scotch.

But them nights got shorter and shorter and we didn't need breakfast so early but we sure did need our tea. and we skipped on the lunch to make room for the beer and well dinner got real tiny and sometimes we forgot it entirely ....

Then 1 day my son came from England - he was worried as I didn't hear the phone anymore. He didn't like my friend Mr Al Cohol one bit - and kicked him straight out of the house. Then it turned
nasty for me - my hands were shaking my stomach heaving and sweating a waterfall. My son thought he was doing me a favor and he was already on the way to the airport (he has a job kids I couldn't blame him ) but my hands were shaking so much I could not use the phone. I found some rubbing alcohol in the cellar and mixed it with tea - I was going to drink it but it burned my lips.

When I calmed down a bit I called the local "trinktmarkt" and they re-stocked me - but I knew then I had to stop. I didn't want to be in German Klinik so - I called a dutch hospital (they speak english) and after many adventures with snakes reptiles Tinker Bell and peter pan and the rest Im sure some of you know I got back. But my business partner had taken this opportunity to rob our business and our customers had all gone. So after a month or so I slipped and as we speak Im on 1/2 bottle of scotch 1 bottle of wine and 5 beers

I can't go back to holland not enough in the piggy bank - I think I might have cover for Germany - but I want to start today the anniversary of my wife's death . I heard there is a way to detox at home so at least when the german hospital is sorted out I a bit further down the hill so it won't be so bad as holland.
So fellow travellers Im sorry my story was so long and wish to say hello Im James. I wondered if anyone could give me ideas/suggestions/experience of starting at home to detox myself partially/completely ??? I would like to start now to please my dear wife ....

Hope its in the right place

[lizker]

So sorry about the loss of you wife and congrats on starting on this new journey. Home detox can be very dangerous from first hand experience. You can, however taper down over several days. You can taper off Scotch and wine gradually using beer. Once the hard liquor and wine are of you system you may need to continue to drink just beer over a few days and taper off it. Whatever you do DON'T try to stop cold turkey with the amount you are drinking. The best option is medical detox over a 7 day period. If its not an option by all means taper off and incorporate plenty of exercise to help you body detox.
There are foods and supplement that can also help you detox. Lemon water, milk thistle, green salads with Broccoli, cucumber, tomatoes are all good for detox.
Good luck with your journey and please stick around. This is a life saving site with people with very similar stories who have found new lives.

[wyldetymes]

Thank you lizker
So I won't stop then

Basically Im waiting for a lot of red insurance tape to be unraveled .

Now that won't be sorted out until mid jan so I just want to get going get AF asap .

So I swap scotch and wine for beer 'hmm how do I do that ? just stop wine and keep the beer or drink more beer.
Thank you lizker for your advice

[available]

Hi Wyld and welcome. Everybody gives up al differently. You should really go and get advice from a doctor on what you should do. I stopped completely and i was a 1 to 2 bottle of wine drinker, every day ending in a Y. More on weekends of course to celebrate it being a weekend. I took Valium for a few days to stop the tremors, i slept when i was tired, i rid al from the house and kept on here and watched doco's and read and read and posted on the newbies nest which is great for getting advice.

Do you have anyone that could come and stay with you at all or get your son to ring you daily at a certain time.

Giving up al is the best gift you can give to your wife and yourself. It is hard but wonderful. Never again will i drink al, i am an alcoholic. We are a wonderful bunch of supportive people who will be with you all the way.

Take care.

[wyldetymes]

Thank you available
Unfortunately one of main triggers is loneliness - I am surrounded by Germans but there is a barrier - my wife was German so she handled most of the German part - I ran a international business so I never really picked up German. But I like the idea of my children they could set up a tag team. Or if I could do it without being in a Klinik I could do it at his house not mine or maybe he could take a small vacation
Do think getting clean at home will take longer or the same time as a hospital.

Thank you

[available]

Most of us on here have given up without going to rehab, as i said it depends on the individual. I had my children on board as my support network. If/when you stop drinking it takes dedication and committment to being and staying sober. Maybe AA might suit you although the language barrier may be a problem. Life is much easier to deal with sober and as time goes on it does become easier with all that life throws at us. Take each day as it comes, be gentle with yourself and protect your quit with your life. the more time away from al the better you will feel.

I think when you are an alcoholic you surround youself with loneliness also. I worked and didnt socialise and my four walls were my life. Now there are not enough hours in the day to live and do what i want. Slow and steady wins the race!

[wyldetymes]

Oh thank available - I am so happy I found this site - the reason why slipped last time was no support - I lost my resolve.

"I think when you are an alcoholic you surround youself with loneliness also. I worked and didnt socialise and my four walls were my life. "

SO RIGHT - I think I am using my drinking to hide from the world and not face up to some simple steps to get back

When Im drunk I am in a cocoon I want to have the same story of you one day - you are a nice person and its nice see that you have a similar perspective I don't feel so alone anymore

thank you thank you

PS Im think of getting a therapist this time when Im clean - I mean I don't want to slide again - Im sure this site can help me

[available]

This site helped me get sober and stay sober. I am accountable to the wonderful people on this site. I do advise you to head over to the Newbies Nest, someone will come along when they wake up with a link. I live in Australia so i do night duty lol. The long timers or oldies on here have seen it and heard it all before, they will guide and help you as much as they can. If not for here i would not be sober a year. It has given me a life now and i love this life.

[wyldetymes]

Hello I can't seem to find the Newbies Nest - found it Its a thread not a section

[wyldetymes]

So I started I found this website http://www.hamsnetwork.org/taper/
and I worked out that currently I am on

1/2 scotch = 8.5 units alcohol
1 wine = 5 units
5 beer = 5

18.5 units

so I am starting at 16 beers
14 beer day 2 etc etc

I have saved 1 wine in a locked case and the key is in the kitchen - just in case I run into problems . Im in my 3rd hour as I write this with only enough beer for today + 1. Tomorrow I will buy only 14 so I still the +1 float ( I am paranoid of a disaster once I get the hang of it I will get rid of the float say in 4 days time )
And so far its a breeze but then Im a bit bloated from the beer but that is not a bad thing.
Im not feeling I need to break the schedule yet as its like starting on an exciting journey - I feel like a little boy breaking the school rules by not using meds - but we will see Im not over confident which is why I have my emergency reserve I don't want seizures .....

I hope I got it right - if anyone has any tips or can see any errors plse shout

So here I go

[Byrdlady]

Hey Wylde!
Welcome aboard!
I am so sorry to hear that youblost your wife, that is a tough piece of business.
As you know, we aren't doctors, so we can only relate what we have seen and experienced. I had to stop cold turkey, I couldnt taper. I drank a liter of wine a day, more on weekends. Most of us dont have the discipline to taper, we are, after all, alcoholics and the one thing we dont like to do is cut down on our booze. If there is any way you could get supervision, that would be the easier for you. Doesn't the healthsystem cover inpatient detox? They can give you some meds to help with any possible side effects, like something to help with anxiety. I may have missed that in your note....but tapering is a very challenging task, please try and get someone to help you accomplish it and be with you just in case.

We will be here to help you every step of the way!! This place saves lives and Im one of them!!! We are so glad you're here!! Byrdie

[wyldetymes]

Hello Byrdlady

Well thank you - my drinking is to hide from loneliness partly - it started as grief but if I am honest its loneliness now.
"Doesn't the healthsystem cover inpatient detox?" - well yes and no - it depends on your insurance cover. There are state hospitals but the mentality of the staff is that you are a weak scummy alky - like how can you be so weak .. they give medication but the actual day-to-day living is not pleasant and no English. maybe Im being a bit harsh - but I was there for a day. I got caught by the police on my bicycle and I was kept there for a day. Not pleasant bit like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

So I am trying to find out if and what coverage I have and what are my options. But nothing will start until January so I thought its gonna happen - If I can get lower its a win win - if it works a bit to say cut 50-60% then if I can get treatments it will be quicker and easier - if I can get to 0 then Im done - then the real problems start.

So thanks - I started and yesterday was not so bad.

I think I will need this forum as it was not so good either

thank you for your support.

[Mick]

wildthymes.....hiya mate...just looking at your post.....we are roughly the same age....I spent 12 years in the british army...a large chunk of that in Germany....where booze was pretty cheap for us...now I am in year 3 of not drinking thanks to some brilliant people on this site,I quit cold turkey,no meds no nothing ..just pure guts a stubborn nature and help from some very special friends here..everyone has there own opinions on how to stop etc....for you,James,you need willpower...it will get tough,a strategy on how to deal with the problems when they come up and what to expect,an interest to take you out of the drunken cocoon you are in,and also to take you out of the past...I apologise if that sounds harsh,but you are living in the past...since your wifes death you have not moved on...and yes it is easy for me to say that, cherish the memories you have of her,but dont live in it all the past is gone,make your own history now...you lost your wife...your son lost his mother...and now in his eyes... you too.Only you can change that..so instead of a trip to the getrankemarkt, sit down and think what you want to do.....

[Eloise]

How is it going wyldetymes?
Unfortunately I have no words of wisdom for you, to be honest.
The only thing I can think of is you probably need something to calm your nerves? You cannot go for a GP visit? Sorry to hear about you were stopped by the police. I can only imagine how humiliating that must of been.
And, not to understand what they are barking at you makes it all waayy too much.
Can't let that happen again!

I live in Holland actually and am also an expat, American. I do feel for you and your comments about not knowing German, this reminds me I must not give up trying to learn Dutch.
It does seem rather impossible. It is a lot more possible when you are sober though.

Please keep posting and let us know how things are progressing?

[Byrdlady]

How WT, how are you doing today???
Well, I drank for just about any reason. I drank when I was stressed, happy, sad, celebrating, lonely, about to go out, coming in from going out, there at the end I met myself at the door with a drink!
I have made many lifelong friends here myself. I talk to many of them every single day. It really helps to know we aren't alone in this mess.
Hope you are having a 'good' day. Byrdie