Hello Everyone British Expat Living in Germany starting mission today

[wyldetymes]

In America, we play a silly game called, "Marco Polo"... often times played in a pool where the person who is "It" closes his eyes, counts underwater and when he/she surfaces, says "MARCO!"? Everyone playing must respond with a "POLO!"- a whisper, a scream, but SOMETHING for the person searching to swim towards. The goal is to not get caught, but if you are caught, the person must guess who was caught.

As my kids grew up, we would play, "Marco Polo" in grocery stores, shopping malls, big crowds, where we are looking for someone we love without screaming their names. Oftentimes, friendly strangers play along and reply with a resounding "POLO!"

So.... Wilde Thymes.... I gently state, at a mere sound louder than a whisper, "Marco?":heartbeat:

I hope you are okay. :hug: Patty

POLO :thumbsup:

[wyldetymes]

Hello Everyone

!st let me apologise for my blow out. I was tired, emotional, bit confused and very hurt - I just blew up. This Tapering Malarky plays havoc with your emotions mood swings etc
I was frustrated as I had good intentions with wine - not that I couldn't go anywhere without alcohol - rather if by some chance I was not at home when my next taper schedule was due. I felt sure a "panic attack" would occur. Maybe I was over cautious ?? who knows anyway - my insurance plan was to take 1 unit in case I was delayed - It was my security blanket.
Thats all it was something in case I got delayed - panic attack
It is a logistical nightmare to get to meeting as I don't drive at the moment for obvious reasons .. OK I was over cautious but at the time i needed to be.

OK I blew up sorry (but the little friend part I found unnecessary and bit OTT in terms of sarcasm)

Then I tried Cold Turkey ( I was really in a high emotional state and felt I had "prove" something) - well Im honest - it was a mistake - I failed - I tried but I failed. Far too scary and stressful alone - when my heart started pumping I got scared - which obviously made it worse. So I had to go to my emergency stock and took 2 units. Things calmed down a bit - but again the heart thing got to me . I could take the shakes and funny sights - but not the heart thing.

In the end it was only 1/2 a failure as it kind of speeded up my taper a bit - but I took it slow before the blow out I was 1 beer less
every 2 days after 2 beers a day

So sorry for all the after effects of my blow out.

I wanted to avoid posting / lurking until I got over it. I was hurt rightly or wrongly - its perception that counts to people as it affects them directly - intention is much harder to figure out.
My perception was I was being well called out as a wimp to alcohol - which at the time I was in my mind/perception valiantly conquering albeit slowly .... SO I blew up - nuf said

So when returned to tapering - I had a lot of meeting with insurance / a help line psychologist / bank / social services
and yes I took my unit of wine and no I didn't need to use it.
So after I got over it - there were so many things to do I could not overcome my fear of what I might find here - so I allowed myself to be distracted by other stuff.

Present: tapered to 2 beers - was a little hairy - mostly the mood swings - anxiety / extreme restlessness - mixed in with fear of the unknown etc
But I persevered against my little friend and started to gain the upper hand. I would stretch one taper schedule to as much as i could stand in doing so speeded up the program a little
and so A) I stop at 9pm tonight last beer or B) I stop now i.e. no beer tonight
We will see Im confident now but at night it depends on the mood swings - but anyway monday will be day 1 of AF 100%
Thanks to all people who showed concern I am humbled
At the beginning it was just what I needed being alone and in doubt. Bit of a blip in the middle - but alls well that ends well and this looks like ending well from my side.

Quick update on the medical side - well the insurance will cover a state hospital but not the english speaking private one - so good job I tapered as going in the state one would have been a set back for me. No offense to the state - its just not me.

Im going to get myself a GP and get checked out probably after a week of no alcohol - don't want the readings to fly off the scale do we ?

Bit of a long post but a lot to cover
Sorry to all I hurt
Thank you to all those who showed concern
I also apologise for not coming on - It was not the right time for me until now - various reasons all personal

SO that it for now - going for a nice long walk now - will check back later
Thanks
Jim

[satz123]

WELCOME BACK Jim :hug:
Delighted for you & your measured approach to this problem is great.
I have said for years -no one size fits all - you've proved that- thank you

And any newcomers unable to face AF as soon as they land here , also thank you for providing a possible alternative way to beat this .

[shambles70]

Hi Jim,

Great to see you back! Congratulations on your taper. As satz said, your measured approach sounds like it was the safest and kindest approach you could have taken. From experience I know that it it is not an easy path to take, I'm relieved you didn't decide to go through with cold turkey.

A couple of ideas to consider before tomorrow...these are not suggestions, but things I found/still find helpful, 18 days in.

... and so A) I stop at 9pm tonight last beer or B) I stop now i.e. no beer tonight...

Stick with your schedule. Have your last beer tonight, IMO. No need to jump the gun. Make it a punctuation..a full stop. Tomorrow you'll be free of that damn counting/measuring/timing!

This next one might sound a bit crazy, but it worked for me...(take from that what you will!) Tomorrow, go buy yourself something, anything that appeals to you, to be a physical reminder of what you have achieved today. If you've seen Inception, it is kind of like the fetish they use to ground them in the real world. My 'fetish' is a trapper hat, which was a Christmas present. I call it my quit hat, and it has become surprisingly important to me. Weirdo!

You'll find conflicting advice on this one, but again, this is just my 2p's worth...eat whatever you fancy at first. Don't get hung up on sugar vs no sugar etc...you can decide about that once your body's calmed down a bit. Eat healthy for sure, but don't beat yourself up over a bar of chocolate or ice cream or whatever.

Finally, don't keep honey near your laptop!

You're doing an amazing thing, Jim!

[Lasha]

Hi Jim,

Thanks for that PM I was a worried man and you'll see from my reply a few pointers on staying sober.

You've done brilliantly going down the tapering road, a bit quick for my liking but everyone's different as long as we get there in the end.

Don't worry about me I have a thick skin and some people are not familiar with tapering and some don't know the dangers.

Take care mate and keep in touch
Lash

[wyldetymes]

OK guys thanks
Now Im going to focus on staying sober
Yep I'll start driving after 7 days and I will by myself something and I will pour away the Taper Emergency stash and I will carve the date on a tree in the garden - so I'll always remember it.
Actually Im looking forward to being AF all this beer has bloated me out and I chose a horrible tasting pilsner - so I hate the stuff. Off to my CBT therapist this week , I spoke with her on the phone nice lady.
Well Thanks everyone looking forward to no more tapering no more whiskey no more wine and no more night sweats !!!!

god bless
Jim

[shambles70]

OK guys thanks
... and I will carve the date on a tree in the garden - so I'll always remember it.
Actually Im looking forward to being AF all this beer has bloated me out and I chose a horrible tasting pilsner - so I hate the stuff. Off to my CBT therapist this week , I spoke with her on the phone nice lady.
Well Thanks everyone looking forward to no more tapering no more whiskey no more wine and no more night sweats !!!!

god bless
Jim

Love the carving idea Jim...nice one! Looking forward to being AF...I can relate to that. I was sick of the whole reduction process at the end. It's a great attitude to begin with. (The only one IMO). You're not giving anything up, nothing at all. You're not depriving yourself of anything other than a world of shit. And the gains are amazing, right from day 1. You wait...I'm chuffed, I really am.

Here's to no more whiskey, wine or tapering. (You're prolly going to have some more night sweats though...a small price to pay)

[NoSugar]

Jim,
I'm so happy to read your posts and learn that you're doing fine and looking forward to what lies ahead. It's an awesome adventure and a chance to get to know the real you again.
All the best, NS

[Pinecone]

Jim, I was hoping you would come back. I'm glad you did! I like how you said you are looking forward to being AF. Take care!

[lizker]

Congrats you did it! I always start my quits on Monday as i have enough to distract. Me from mourning the death of my BFF aka demon alcohol . Distraction is very crucial at this point, atleast for the first 72 hours. What are you plans to stay AF? Good nutrition is essential. Most cravings are actually signals of certain deficiencies. Do you have supplements?

[treetops]

Well done Jim on this and now is the time to be kind to yourself and don't take too much on. I think seeing a therapist is a great idea. Even if you don't follow thieir advice exactly - you need all the support you can get.
You dont want to have to go through this kind of quit again. It won't be easy over the next few weeks and months but there will be gradual changes and it will help you greatly to see your way forward. Best wishes

[wyldetymes]

Hi Everyone
Thanks for the congrats :thumbsup:

Well I am starting a journey now. I started Day 1 - I was in the mood for a challenge so I skipped the last beer - just could not face it - it tastes like straw plus cat pee LoL. So I thought well just do it Jim are you a man or a mouse ?

So here I go - Im not going to falter tomorrow will be an adventure in itself - no more alcohol to fuss over and by golly I have "fussed".

So sleep is an issue - go to get a rhythm - but that will come and to be honest the depression and anxiety are much much less w/o Alcohol to cloud my judgement. Funny now I can't see how I was so dumb to slide that slope. I can't stand the smell of spirits - wine tastes like vinegar (I did buy a very cheap bottle to taper) and beer bloats me .. so that in my mind is a good start.

So yes I did it and I didn;t need that mean insurance company I did it all on my ownsome just me and the chickens LoL.

Now thats a confidence booster and I would rather meet Smaug on a dark road than do that Tapering again - another motivator

I feel all set - yes there will be good days and bad days but the bad will change to good now I have a clear head to use this brain.

And I proved to all the other poor souls who have issues to get medical help - you can do it guys - it works if you have the mindset
You have to "want to be free" or it just gets to be a roller coaster - taper down go back up Taper down go back up

If you want to be free you can

Thanks guys

God bless

Jim

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Jim,
I choked on my Diet Coke when I read your strategy on drinking nasty beer to motivate you to stop drinking! How's that for an advertisement:
"Drink Straw Cat Beer! Just like barn piss!"

High protein foods will help you right now. In America, the latest fad is Greek Plain Yoghurt- I add cinnamon and sweetener to make it tastier.
Cheese, Sausage... you may have a couple of good German choices, ja?

One Day at A Time, my friend. This isn't a relay race.

Hugs. Patty :hug:

[See the Light]

Congrats Jim- you are doing great..keep up the good work!

[Pavati]

Awesome to read your story, Jim. Congratulations on making it through that fire. Good incentive to not go back!