I have never been one to participate in the Roll Call, although I know it is important. I made myself believe that numbers aren't important. Yet, I can tell you exactly which day I quit smoking - October 5, 2013 - my son's birthday. So today, I realized that I was afraid to count the sober days, because I didn't want to be a disappointment, to myself or others. So I decided to do a count. Actually, I've been doing one all along, but I have just never shared it with anyone. Today, I will be accountable with an actual number of sober days.
I joined MWO in May of 2013. I was so sincere about quitting, but it took longer than I would have liked. On July 27, 2014, I was already into a month-long spiral towards hell. That relapse was the one that almost killed me. I'm not being dramatic. It was the worst. I only confided in one member here by email. I walked away from MWO, and that was a huge mistake. But my mind was made up. I was going to drink and I didn't want to be talked out of it. Well, it went very badly, very quickly. I drank so much that I started missing work. I no longer cared if my sons called, because I was ignoring the phone. It was bad. But this one person, this one very caring person, picked up the phone and called me. I was drunk. She was sober. And she talked to me with such love and compassion and a bit of ass-kicking when necessary. That night she sent me an email. It was so profound and loving and I can't share all of it, but I will share this much: She said: "if you won't come back, I think you need to consider AA or perhaps a different online forum. You may be nearer a crisis than you realize because as you know, we can't think clearly when we're drinking. Please put your ego aside, Sherry, and take care of yourself. You're the only one who can do it. I would love to see a post from you on the Loamers thread or in the NN saying you are back and ready to commit more fully to becoming the woman you are meant to be. Please don't squander your life - it is a precious gift."
I haven't had a drink since. So I guess today is five months for me. And a huge hug, and thank you to NoSugar for never giving up on me even when I had given up on myself. Count those days. Be proud. Stay sober.
xx, Sherry
I joined MWO in May of 2013. I was so sincere about quitting, but it took longer than I would have liked. On July 27, 2014, I was already into a month-long spiral towards hell. That relapse was the one that almost killed me. I'm not being dramatic. It was the worst. I only confided in one member here by email. I walked away from MWO, and that was a huge mistake. But my mind was made up. I was going to drink and I didn't want to be talked out of it. Well, it went very badly, very quickly. I drank so much that I started missing work. I no longer cared if my sons called, because I was ignoring the phone. It was bad. But this one person, this one very caring person, picked up the phone and called me. I was drunk. She was sober. And she talked to me with such love and compassion and a bit of ass-kicking when necessary. That night she sent me an email. It was so profound and loving and I can't share all of it, but I will share this much: She said: "if you won't come back, I think you need to consider AA or perhaps a different online forum. You may be nearer a crisis than you realize because as you know, we can't think clearly when we're drinking. Please put your ego aside, Sherry, and take care of yourself. You're the only one who can do it. I would love to see a post from you on the Loamers thread or in the NN saying you are back and ready to commit more fully to becoming the woman you are meant to be. Please don't squander your life - it is a precious gift."
I haven't had a drink since. So I guess today is five months for me. And a huge hug, and thank you to NoSugar for never giving up on me even when I had given up on myself. Count those days. Be proud. Stay sober.
xx, Sherry
Comment