Alcohol is the Devil

[KENSHO]

J-vo, thank you for sharing. Glad to see you back.

[NoSugar]

Welcome home, Friend :hug:.

[available]

Welcome home J

We all reach our very rock bottom J and cant go any further. The only place is up from here. Your son will look in your eyes again with love and pride but it takes time which is what we have now. Time to work on keeping sober, time to enjoy life as we should enjoy it, time to reflect on our past and strive for a better future. Time to love ourselves again!

It has taken a year for Kiera to look at me with love and admiration and pride again. I can never lose that as i will truly lose her forever. My children are my world and my life. I know your son is too.

Take all the help that is offered, take each day as it comes and deal with it sober. You are a dear friend J and you will heal and life will be all that you imagined and more, i know mine is.

xxxxxx

[MossRose]

Oh j-vo - it is so good to have you back with us. I'm sorry that you had to experience such a horrific event to bring you home, but I have never been happier to see a post. Thank God, you are ok. You know the drill, each relapse is harder to come back from, so let's work together to make sure this is your final quit. xx You know my story, so you know I understand. It's been 19 months since I joined MWO, and I'm still working to make things right with my youngest son. You have another chance with yours. Take it, my dear friend. We'll be here to help.

[Rusty]

J-Vo, I admire you greatly for having the courage to write that post after such a horrific accident, and the pain of seeing the shame in your son's eyes. Not only did posting your story take an incredible amount of courage, but it shows that you have a whole lot of class. I echo what everyone said here about your son's reaction to your accident. He will learn to trust you again and he will show his love for you, but it will take seeing you sober on several occasions to show him that you are serious about living a sober life. I have no children, but I embarrassed several of my nieces and nephews with stupid things I did in public places (like restaurants), and for a while, when they would see me, it would be with those empty, loveless eyes. Now when they greet me, they throw their arms around me, and when they say goodbye after we have visited, they tell me they love me. I never thought it could happen. It will happen to you, too. We know how you feel, and this is not a hopeless situation. I know it feels that way now. We've all been there, and we will never leave your side.:heartbeat:

[j-vo]

MWOer's,

I'm overwhelmed by the support and love here. I can't thank you all enough for your thoughtful posts, encouragement, personal stories, all filled with hope that healing can take place. I know I have the power within me to change, the power to live a great life, and I deserve love.

Yes, Lizker, we leave the door wide open for attacks when we drink. I've been attacked for so very long, and I'm ready to protect myself from this vicious beast, the devil. I don't want to live like that anymore, vulnerable to the attacks, and the truth is, I won't be safe, live a good life, live a life with love if I take that first drink. No more chances. NHHHL, I cried through your story, as I felt the pain you had to endure. I'm so sorry for that, and there are no more excuses with me, only honesty. I fell because I was drunk. I hurt my son because I was drunk. I hurt myself because I drank alcohol and I'm an alcoholic.

Matt, I know actions speak louder than words. Actually, my words mean nothing right now to my family. I need to show him. Resolve, I'm glad you have a solid relationship with your son now, and that gives me hope. Mollyka, the same with your daughter. Honesty.

STL, yes, I believe the devil works best when he gets you alone, which is why this community is so important. And to use it the way that will help me and each other is what I need to do. Thank you for the prayer.

SL, I have started my calendar. Thank you for your kind words and support. Yes, we are all only one drink away from the rabbit hole. I'm not willing to slip down in that dark place anymore.

Ava, you give me hope with knowing your daughter has come back to you with loving eyes. And Rusty, the healing has begun for you, and thank you for the hope you've given me. Thank you.

I know that I must fear that drink, that first drink. That first thought of a drink. And I must reach out at the first thought of that drink. And I will. Honesty. Healing. Community. Thank you all.

[abcowboy]

(Author Unknown)

I use to have a Comfort Zone
Where I knew I couldn't fail
The same four walls of alcohol
Were really more like jail.

I longed so much to do the things
I'd never done before,
But I stayed inside my Comfort Zone
And paced the same old floor

I claimed to be so busy
With the things inside my zone,
But deep inside I longed for
Something special of my own.

I couldn't let my life go by,
Just watching others win.
I held my breath and stepped outside
And let the change begin.

I took a step and with new strength
I'd never felt before,
I kissed my Comfort Zone 'goodbye'
And closed and locked the door.

If you are in a Comfort Zone,
Afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were
At one time filled with doubt.

A step or two and words of praise,
Can make your dreams come true.
Greet your future with a smile,
Success is there for you!

[Lizann]

Thank you so much for sharing your stories. I have tears in my eyes. I find myself here yet again, day one. I am so embarrassed as my sisters have just found out about my problem. I am causing my family such pain. I must stop but the cravings today are bad. Know that your stories have helped me.

[Pavati]

J-VO! Welcome back.

I am so sorry to read your story, and sorry that your son had to see you like that. I'm sorry that you fell down that rabbit hole.

I missed you here, and am so happy to see you back. I think of you a lot - you are one of the first people here to reach out to me and help me find a home here on MWO. I am happy to do the same for you.

Thanks for the honest story - whenever I have those thoughts that maybe I could be "cured," I think back to the relapse thread and stories to remind myself of where one drink would lead - I am CERTAIN it would lead to someplace like you describe. I hope you will consider putting this story on the relapse thread - it will help others for sure.

Welcome back, and let us know how we can help you.

Your friend,
Pav

[little beagle]

:hug: our children want to love us, need to love us. As you go day by day into your sober life you will regain that trust. I know from personal experience. I am so sorry that we are on this journey together, but together we are.

[frances]

Jvo my heart breaks hearing this story but like everyone else here, I am so glad you are ok and that you are back! Thank you so much for sharing - I know it must have been hard but will serve as a great reminder to you in the coming weeks, months, and years. Your story is invaluable to everyone here.

[NoSugar]

I hope you will consider putting this story on the relapse thread - it will help others for sure.

I agree with Pav, J. You've touched peoples' hearts with your story. Would you be willing to add it to this thread?: https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...-in-Retrospect
Thank you. xx, NS

[j-vo]

I've been chatting with Ava online, and she just asked me what my plan was for this upcoming xmas. I told her I didn't have one, only that if I drink, I'll die. Well, that lazy reply got me to search for some of my past posts. This one happened almost two years ago. Since then, I've had several long stretches of sobriety mixed in wtih drinking and not moderate drinking. My start date says it all. I've failed over and over. Over and over, I've been so naive, stupid that I would believe the devil wouldn't be so mean to me. That I could conquer it and be normal. Never, ever has that come true. That's the nature of this disease, making us believe what isn't true, that we can drink normally, and 99.9 percent of the time we fail. So my plan, Ava, is to continue to dig up my past, think about the failures so that I don't go back to believing I can do this. But I think now, I truly believe if I drink, I'll die. Because I know it's true. I"ve had enough chances, failures, and the bottom line is I just cannot ever drink again. I need to be grateful that I haven't harmed myself more than I already have. I think I have the opportunity to heal, but the healing will take a long time - both mentally and physically. Going into this holiday does sadden me so much, after losing mom. I'm super vulnerable, and I need all of your support more than you know. I don't drink. I don't do that anymore. It's not an option. There are no excuses for taking one drink. Not mom's death, or the sadness of this holiday that I feel. I can feel sad all I want, but I must not drink.

[Pavati]

Hey, J-Vo:

Maybe take Ava's advice and make a plan. Now is the time to draw boundaries. (Have you listened to the Bubble Hour on boundaries? There is a lot about being perfectionist as well (as I am one myself)).

Say no to that holiday party; leave some laundry undone; go for a walk; hug your dog; hug your DH (maybe not in that order!); be with your dad and son; and by all means, take good care of yourself. And whatever you do, do not drink. Reading that post of yours still shakes me up - I know it could have been me, and I feel your pain so vividly through your description.

You got this - use us as you need us.

xo
Pav

[available]

J i think physically we heal pretty quickly but mentally it has taken me a couple of years to get over the hurts of the past and move on and to forgive myself. As you say there is no hurry in this journey and it does get better and better in time. You ca do this.