Back again

[christyacc1971]

Hello,

This place isn't new to me, I've been here many times under other names. I'm back, making myself accountable. I am totally ashamed.....sat in my basement and drank from 1pm on......woke up on the couch at 4am. I have stopped drinking in the past....some times for 6 months, another time for 9 months (AA). I started getting those terrible thoughts, that I could handle it again, and off I went. I realize that I just can't....not one, because one leads to so much more. I'm a better person, mother, and wife if I'm not drinking. I just have to keep in my mind, I can't just have one.

Tonight I am meeting up with one of my old AA buddies and we're going to a meeting. It will be a tough pill to swallow, but losing myself, kids and husband would be much worse than pride.

[paulywogg]

Hi Christy,welcome back

[MinStar]

Hey. How'd your aa meeting go?

[Guitarista]

Christy the comeback. That's what i'm talkin about! :thumbsup:

[treetops]

Welcome back Christy. Have you thought about how you can do things a little differently this time so that your quit sticks. You sound like you know the ropes but was there something that niggled you in the past so that you started having those 'thoughts'? Here is to a positive future.

[christyacc1971]

Thanks for the responses. My meeting went well. I met a new lady with 18 yrs sobriety. It was also an open meeting with one speaker. I enjoyed hearing a new experience. I'm going back tomorrow night for a closed step meeting. I'm looking forward to it.

I think what happened is I got bored of the same old meetings, hearing the same old stories. I feel like I could have recited them. So then I stopped going to meetings then not much later I started thinking I could drink moderately. Right! The meetings are imperative. They consistently remind you of who and what you are-what you can and can't do-drink.

Today I am feeling a bit pissed off because I want to drink but I know I can't. I won't but I'm pissed about it. Not so much a good day but I am on Day 5-again. Lol

[Overit-still]

Day 5 is great Christy! Hang in there!

[Matt M.]

Welcome back!
Everything you said in both post, ME TOO!
multiple long stints of sober time 6~10 months, and getting bored, only to have the beast creep in and convince me"this time would be different" and different it was, the difference being is my disease progressed faster than times before. It's amazing and baffling how the tolerance level after 10 months was like I had never quit, that shit right there is not normal.
You know the drill, keep yourself plugged in to a support network and protect that quit at all cost.
Glad your here and Stay Hard my friend!

[christyacc1971]

AS I said, Friday I was quite pissed off and angry. I managed to go to the meeting anyway. I'm happy I did that. It made me feel a bit better. The meeting on Friday was a group meeting discussing Step One......I didn't share as I wasn't sure what input I would have. Tonight going to another meeting, maybe I will have the guts to say, this is how I'm feeling.....is this normal?

Today is one week, or Day 7....which sounds better? lol

[Byrdlady]

Christy, on behalf of the Newbies Nest Roll Call please accept this small token of a big job! Your 7 day MOON! :butt:
This signifies conquering AL for 7 full days! You have kicked AL's arse! The worst is BEHIND you! Well done! Keep up the great work!
Prize Patrol

[Pavati]

Christy - YES, it is normal. Anger is on the way to acceptance.

Hang in there, and welcome back.

Pav