Thank you!

[abcowboy]

:hug: nothing more to say, welcome home Moss.

[Guitarista]

Right on Mossy.

You are amazing. :llama:

[NoSugar]

Moss,

If your primary means of support for a potentially life-threatening problem is going to be via the internet, you've got to tell the truth. Lying - even lying by omission -not only isn't fair to yourself and the people who care about you, it also is dangerous. We cannot see your eyes or hear your tone of voice to know that you are hiding something. We have to take you at your word so those words need to be true.

You expressed your feelings about some of the agitation on MWO but didn't mention your internal battles. You mentioned to me that your work situation was becoming untenable and that you wanted to quit -- not that you wanted to drink.

It is too risky, Moss. Drinking takes you to a darker place than many of us ever have gone. If you cannot be completely honest with yourself and this forum, it may not be enough for you, because you will be able to fool us and even when we aren't really fooled, there is nothing we can do to stop you.

Your great thread is all about the simple life. For an addict, a simple life is one with no alcohol in it. It doesn't matter how you pare down your possessions and desires, there will be chaos if you drink.

xx

[SoberSoul]

Missed the whole situation until now and read with my breath held until, with relief, I see you are staying. Phew!! So happy. You are my kindred spirit in more ways than you know. When you post I learn so much and find myself nodding in agreement and enthusiasm. We`ve all felt like leaving and I`ve even left as Tipplerette and came back as Sober Soul. Leaving has never done any of us any good. Thank you for reconsidering. You are such an important part of this forum and would be terribly missed if you left. If you ever feel that need again, please stay in touch via facebook or some other way. xoxo

[Pavati]

NS said it all, but PS - we all complain, vent, get pissy and grumpy on here. Part of the being honest part. No need to sugar coat it - let it all hang out. That's the only way we can help.

Pav

[See the Light]

MR- SO GLAD YOU DIDN"T LEAVE...even if you need to cut back your participation here then try that, but the benefits of still reading and knowing you are among friends can be comforting in times of need, which you could still have. I’ve always respected your opinions and contributions here, and think MWO wouldn’t be as deep in content as it is without some healthy disagreements to vet out all angles. Glad to have you back, this place would miss you.

[j-vo]

Moss,
I'm so glad you're staying here. From everything I've read and learned, we must continue with the community. And I don't remember who said it, but no matter what community or where, you'll have disagreements. It's just how life is. It's not unlike high school. Neither is my son's basketball parent's organization. Same! Hugs to you.:heartbeat::hug:

[MossRose]

Moss,

It is too risky, Moss. Drinking takes you to a darker place than many of us ever have gone.
xx

I'm certainly not proud of this even though I know it's true. That's why I came back, NS. I lost so much during my drinking years. I will be totally honest. Sometimes I am envious of everyone here who managed to hang on to their marriages, their children, their most cherished relationships, while I lost all of those things due to my drinking. I would never want you all to experience what I did. That's actually my worst fear when a newbie posts here and they still have it all, but they are being careless. I want to scream at them - don't be foolish like I was. But I know that's not the answer, because obviously no one could get through to me until I was ready. I had to lose so much that it hurt. Then I quit. So believe me - I have no desire to go back to that dark place. But thank you, my friend, for reminding me of what is around the corner if I were to do something stupid.

I haven't shared much here lately, except my opinions and that's not cool. So maybe it's time. I see all these posts of love and support and I realize that I haven't trusted you all enough. That's not fair.

I will share a bit of a private conversation I had with NS tonight. It explains why I didn't turn to all of you during this current crisis in my life. I know I pushed you all away. Shame on me. I mentioned in the Nest that I am having a problem at work. I didn't mention that my anxiety is back. I am having a hard time controlling it, and it is scaring me. It's winning. When I am anxious, I drink. Well, at least I used to. Fortunately, I have a couple of great friends who have been standing by me through all of this...talking me off the ledge. I just didn't feel that MWO was the appropriate forum to discuss my anxiety. This isn't due to drinking. I've been sober for six months. It's just life right now. I figured when I quit drinking, the anxiety would disappear forever. But I'm afraid that my brain doesn't work like that I'm struggling right now, not because I crave AL, but because I crave escape from the pain. I can't really explain it much better than that. But that's it. That's how I feel.

Thank you everyone for your kindness and support. It really does mean the world to me.

[A new page]

I will share a bit of a private conversation I had with NS tonight. It explains why I didn't turn to all of you during this current crisis in my life. I know I pushed you all away. Shame on me. I mentioned in the Nest that I am having a problem at work. I didn't mention that my anxiety is back. I am having a hard time controlling it, and it is scaring me. It's winning. When I am anxious, I drink. Well, at least I used to. Fortunately, I have a couple of great friends who have been standing by me through all of this...talking me off the ledge. I just didn't feel that MWO was the appropriate forum to discuss my anxiety. This isn't due to drinking. I've been sober for six months. It's just life right now. I figured when I quit drinking, the anxiety would disappear forever. But I'm afraid that my brain doesn't work like that I'm struggling right now, not because I crave AL, but because I crave escape from the pain. I can't really explain it much better than that. But that's it. That's how I feel.

Thank you everyone for your kindness and support. It really does mean the world to me.

Hi Moss Rose,

Could your anxiety be caused by PAWS? Seems to be one of the symptoms....

http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm

[little beagle]

Moss I am sorry you are going through that terrible anxiety. I am glad you are sticking with us. Your posts mean so much to me. They have given me strength at times when I've been really down.

[DarrylC24]

MossRose, I haven't known you here because I'm newbie, but you said a lot of people here has helped you, and I think I'm lucky that I've found this site and hoping it would help me a lot.
Good luck and take care.

[gambler]

I dont know why I decided to try to get my account dealt with today ( been waiting on the Admins to deal with it since the switchover thingy ) but your post was one of the first ones I read.

I feel for you on what you expressed about loosing everything though. Although I dont think it was Alcohol that was the main reason.. I still lost basically everything. I also removed quite a few things from my life that had tied me to my old one. Getting to know my true self, even after a year sober, is one of the hardest things Ive had to do. Im not sure if this is the case with you..but how I handle others is on a whole different level than before. Im still trying to figure that one out. Ive been Very stressed out lately. Confused at times..even being reclusive for the most part.

However there is one clear truth.. I do not drink.

I have found that most everyone else that I know or meet drinks to some degree. As such..they are Not themselves. Im sure thats why its so hard to deal with others for me.

Im glad to see that you want to stay..for whatever reason. I think its best that you stay true to yourself and your words. In the end..everyone will recognize and appreciate your honesty. Hell look at Byrdie! how brutally honest can one get at times LOL

See ya around eh :heartbeat:

Dave.

[KENSHO]

MossRose - I don't know you on the level that some do here, but I am so glad you are staying! I'm sorry you are feeling so anxious, and glad you are sharing it - it's real. What are we if we can't support each other in our imperfect states? It's human. I have not always agreed with everything you've said, but I've never been offended, and I've agreed with and appreciated so much of what you say. I enjoy all your posts and you have inspired me on many more than one occasion. The point is that you come here, express yourself, share what you want and get support for NOT drinking. Hugs :heartbeat:

[MossRose]

Dave!!! I have been thinking about you and wondered how you are doing. Somehow, I knew in my heart that you were still sober, and just working through things. I'm glad you are back. I read your post in the Nest about getting a cat. That might be something for me to think about. I'm with you, the loneliness can be trying at times. Yes, at times, it's all too easy to blame all my losses on AL, when I'm sure there was a lot more to it than that. In fact, I know there was. Still puzzling through all that stuff. Anyway, great to see you back, friend.

To everyone who has taken the time to read, and reply to this post, my most heartfelt thanks. My pity-party ends today. I lost my balance for a couple of weeks. But today, I gathered my strength, and courage, and I did the right thing at work. It's a rather ugly situation, but I will sleep well tonight knowing that I spoke out. I can't control the outcome, so I am choosing to let it go. This should be interesting. I'm finally beginning to see that it's the only way to cope with life elegantly. Be your best self, send that out into the world, and then just let it go. My former people-pleasing behavior has started to look more and more unseemly to me. It's phony, it lacks integrity, and it doesn't keep me safe. Dave - perhaps this had something to do with it.

So when I look back on these past couple of weeks when I was behaving in a very not-so-nice manner, I realized that this was the lesson I needed to learn. I don't have to be loved by everyone to feel valued. I also don't have to be overbearing to get my point across. There's a middle ground. This will take some practice, but I think once I get it down, it will be a pleasant way to live. And maybe then, the anxiety really will disappear forever. Until then, I will need to lean on all of you.

ANP - Thanks for the link. I thought about PAWS, but I really think my anxiety was situational. I just need to learn healthier ways to deal with stress.

LB - I know you understand. Thanks for the support.

Darryl - welcome to MWO. Glad you found us. Have you posted in the Newbies Nest yet? I think that would be the ideal place for you to get the support you need. Hope to see you there.

Kensho - glad we can agree to disagree at times. That's what drew me to MWO in the beginning. I loved the variety of approaches, and opinions. I have learned so much. When I first got here, I was sure of a lot of things. Today, I am absolutely sure of one thing and that's that I was wrong about a lot of things. There are just so many smart people here!! xx

[abcowboy]

Wow Moss, nice to see some enthusiasm in your posts again! We both know life is full of ups and downs, we just need to treat it like a thrill filled roller coaster ride! The downs don't last long, and the ups are great!

And make sure you deal with your anxieties when they hit! Don't do like I did and leave them build till you end up in the hospital ER room.... But it appears that was what I needed to finally see the light. So great to see you improving and getting back on track!