Need help, not sure what to do....

[Healthybutempty]

Hello, I should probably start off by saying that I have been completely sober for almost exactly one year. The first little while was tough once I got out of detox, but the last 11 or so months have been relatively easy- maybe it was too easy. The entire last year my boyfriend was getting drunk every day and it didnt really bother me before but the last few months ive started to get depressed/anxious/ and extremely paranoid about germs and washing my hands over and over; and then just recently within the last few weeks ive started craving alcohol again and now i have even started dreaming about it and seeing my boyfriend drink has now started to bother me even though it didnt before. I have severe rheumatoid arthritis and have not been able to work for a while and my depression has been worsening lately and I am in more and more pain. I have also completely isolated myself during the past 10 months. only seeing/talking to my boyfriend and a couple family members. I just don't want to go back to how i was and need tips on how to not relapse....thank you.

[JackieClaire]

Hello there HBE,
First let me welcome you and give you a huge well done and a warm hug on 11 months sober.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this but it may be a case of PAWs..........Post Acute Withdrawal..............I got it after about 13 months AF (alcohol free) and once I'd read about realised I wasn't alone.

I'll give you a few links to some useful things....about PAWs

http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm

Tool Box..............made up of many members ideas and coping strategies.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/showthread.php?24253-Tool-box

Now I know absolutely nothing at all about over washing etc.............but its sounds like OCD...........I found this UK website that could help.

http://www.ocduk.org/support-forums

Glad you found us ............ why not introduce yourself in the Newbies Nest........they're quite lovely there.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/showthread.php?26685-Newbies-Nest

[Healthybutempty]

Thank you for the response, especially on post acute withdrawal I had never heard about it before. i also thought maybe alot of my paranoia was being caused from smoking marijuana, so ive been trying to quit that and have also not had a cigarette in 4 days but these past couple days have been especially difficult for craving a drink...but i have been fighting it. I thought about going to a meeting but we're having a pretty bad storm here right now and also i feel uncomfortable being around people...I just wonder if these feelings will ever go away...

[JackieClaire]

Wish I could help on the marijuana but only tried it a couple of times and alcohol was my drug of choice.
For now have a good read through the tool box............there's a good post about 'urge surfing'
If you have any one's number from the meetings give one of them a call.
Hang in there,love...........you got through the detox, your BF drinking, living with arthritis............you are stronger than you think.

[mama bear]

Sending you support Healthy! Does your boyfriend understand the effect his drinking has on you??
Stick around and talk to us...I cannot help with the pot...sorry

[Healthybutempty]

Thank you for support; yes I have told him how it has been affecting me but he'll just apologize and then say today is his last day for drinking, but hes been saying that every day for a year. but it never affected me until recently. He drinks about a 12 pack of beer a day and the past few days watching him all day i have been having really bad cravings and thinking/dreaming about it but so far have resisted.

[DarrylC24]

Stay posting here and keep us updated.

[Eloise]

Start listening to the Bubble Hour podcasts. I feel like I have learnt so much from them, really helpful and sort of takes the mystery out of staying sober. For me anyhow.
Wishing you the best!

[Marylou123]

Hi Healthy,

First, welcome to MWO. I have been here a little longer than a year now, and with the help of this community and all the wonderful people here who share the same goal, reached one year AF recently. So, we have been on the same journey - different roads perhaps - for about the same amount of time. Way to go!

Your post struck a chord and I think it's this: it sounds like you're now seeing your BF through the eyes of a non-drinker. It's very thought provoking, for me. A little over a year ago, that was how my husband saw me. As he had for many, many years. He is a normal drinker - a beer, maybe two, occasionally. My normal was a bottle (or more) daily, passed out on the couch by 8 (earlier on weekends), drag my ass to bed sometime in the wee hours, etc., you know the drill. Oh, I said I'd quit, tomorrow. I said that almost everyday. And then he left. He got sick of it. Fortunately, I got sick of it too, found MWO, and here I am. But today, I get it, his viewpoint, and maybe what you're feeling, because I don't want to spend my quality time with anyone that's drunk, all the time. I understand now that even though I was WITH my husband -- sharing a house and responsibilities -- I wasn't really there AT ALL. Now, being AF, I know I would feel lonely and disrespected and confused if my husband chose booze over me - if the roles had been reversed.

Sorry about the ramble and I hope it works out the way you desire. In my case, we came eight days from the divorce being final. That was six months ago. Little by little we are working on our problems, together. I'm finding and using my own voice now, not the AL voice. And I find so much joy and peace in that, especially during the rough times.

I'm deathly afraid of relapse so please, don't drink. As far as cigs, have you considered vaping? I quit smoking cigs two years ago (still might smoke one when I visit mom) and use a vape now. PM me if you want more info on that. My thoughts on pot are, I imagine, the way normal drinkers feel about AL. I can take it or leave it but think it should be legal for adult choice, and available to all for medical reasons.

Glad you're here Healthy.

[lizker]

Congrats on the year of soberiety. It sounds like you are in real danger of relapsing. I don't know about your personal situation but i strongly feel that to real be free we must sever certain ties. l. If anything or anybody in your life is a trigger, you gotta get rid of it. Alcohol is way smarter than we are.