So, I've felt pretty bad that I kinda ran away from the forums when the site changed. I'm usually not that bad about forum changes, but at that point in time it was apparently too much for me to handle. And then even saying that seemed too hard at the time...well, I'm sure everyone understands how sometimes just everything seems so difficult.
The good news is that with support and stubbornness, I have kept my quit despite being tempted more than once to "just have one." Even though I haven't been around, I can still thank you guys for help with that. I forget who it was, but a few folks had posted that they felt like if they really WANTED a drink, then it probably wasn't safe to have one. I'm taking that as a reason I shouldn't. It's annoying and sometimes irritates me hugely...but I know if I don't have that one, I'm safe in my sobriety. If I have that one I can't be sure where it will end. :/
A few of you messaged me while I've been away and I send so much love out to you! I didn't expect anyone to do that.
I'm also sorry to anyone who was worried; quitting is kind of a selfish thing sometimes but I wish I'd been thinking better to at least say something. Being able to SAY "No, I can't really do that right now" instead of avoiding and drinking things away is one of the things I'm relearning how to do now, and it's taking time.
I'd like to try coming back if I may - I miss you guys and I miss the support. The thing I'm worst at seems to be positive reinforcement for myself and I know I can't keep my quit long term if I'm not staying committed. And it's hard to stay committed to something when you don't give yourself credit! I made sure to tell my mom when I hit 6 months AF and we went out to dinner but I had to really make myself do that. As if by saying that I was being shameful in referencing my problem, you know? I can't seem to get past the "I never should have had this problem to begin with, so I don't deserve anything special for stopping." I know that's only going to get in my way.
I also worry that if I push it out of my mind too much, I'm going to trick myself into thinking it wasn't a big deal - which would also be a really really bad idea. Just because I made it this far doesn't mean I'm made of magic rainbow unicorns. Since things are going well at the moment it'd be really easy to get complacent and ruin everything I've worked for.
And I know a few folks had said that the things I wrote had been helpful to them, so I'd like to be able to give back again as well. Just more carefully this time - and hopefully no more site changes!
This is getting long (like I always do, xD ) so I better wrap it for now. I hope everyone is doing well, and much love and support to new and old friends alike. Quitting isn't easy, but it IS doable and also worth it. More than worth it; and if you're reading here you're in the right place to get soooooo much help and support. I'm going to dive in and see what I've been missing; and sorry again for taking off without warning.
The good news is that with support and stubbornness, I have kept my quit despite being tempted more than once to "just have one." Even though I haven't been around, I can still thank you guys for help with that. I forget who it was, but a few folks had posted that they felt like if they really WANTED a drink, then it probably wasn't safe to have one. I'm taking that as a reason I shouldn't. It's annoying and sometimes irritates me hugely...but I know if I don't have that one, I'm safe in my sobriety. If I have that one I can't be sure where it will end. :/
A few of you messaged me while I've been away and I send so much love out to you! I didn't expect anyone to do that.
I'm also sorry to anyone who was worried; quitting is kind of a selfish thing sometimes but I wish I'd been thinking better to at least say something. Being able to SAY "No, I can't really do that right now" instead of avoiding and drinking things away is one of the things I'm relearning how to do now, and it's taking time.I'd like to try coming back if I may - I miss you guys and I miss the support. The thing I'm worst at seems to be positive reinforcement for myself and I know I can't keep my quit long term if I'm not staying committed. And it's hard to stay committed to something when you don't give yourself credit! I made sure to tell my mom when I hit 6 months AF and we went out to dinner but I had to really make myself do that. As if by saying that I was being shameful in referencing my problem, you know? I can't seem to get past the "I never should have had this problem to begin with, so I don't deserve anything special for stopping." I know that's only going to get in my way.
I also worry that if I push it out of my mind too much, I'm going to trick myself into thinking it wasn't a big deal - which would also be a really really bad idea. Just because I made it this far doesn't mean I'm made of magic rainbow unicorns. Since things are going well at the moment it'd be really easy to get complacent and ruin everything I've worked for.
And I know a few folks had said that the things I wrote had been helpful to them, so I'd like to be able to give back again as well. Just more carefully this time - and hopefully no more site changes!
This is getting long (like I always do, xD ) so I better wrap it for now. I hope everyone is doing well, and much love and support to new and old friends alike. Quitting isn't easy, but it IS doable and also worth it. More than worth it; and if you're reading here you're in the right place to get soooooo much help and support. I'm going to dive in and see what I've been missing; and sorry again for taking off without warning.
That was fast - I'd forgotten how quick folks are to notice things here. 
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