Husband pissed off

[kherriot]

If you read my last post you will know what I did. It has been 3 days no AL but hubby still pissed off. I keep quiet, make cookies, meals etc but he just ignores me. Can't stand to look at me because of my black eye. How long will it take to for the black eye to go away? At times he seems like he is getting back to normal and then he turns around and is upset again. He wants people to know that he did not hit me. All the people I have told so far about my stopping AL know's that he was not even here. He thinks they might think that is a lie. My friends know him and know he would never do that. I don't know what to do.lease::newhere:

[abcowboy]

Karen, the first thing you have to do is stop worrying about what others think of your husband or you, you can't change that no matter what you say or do, and that's a big thing to learn and accept, if you can't control or change a situation, then let it be...

Next, and only from my experience, being the best wife in the world right now won't make a whole lot of difference to your hubby. He has probably heard all of your broken promises more than a few times, and has watched you try to make it up to him in many different ways, but only getting and staying sober will start to earn back some of his trust. I know this from experience with my wife. I have honestly tried to get sober for the past year and a half with a few slips/relapses in that period. It is only now, into my quit just over 3 months, that she is thinking I might really quit forever this time. But she still worries each and every day that I'll come home drunk again. Only time will heal the wounds I've given her, but I know the scars will always be there (metaphorically speaking that is). And you have to start by taking it one day at a time, for yourself, no one else, and the rest will eventually fall into place...

Get your hubby to print the picture he took of you, carry it with you everywhere, and when you think you can handle a drink, take a look at the picture, it's like playing the tape to the end as they say..

[kherriot]

Thanks ABC, makes a lot of sense to me. I am going to take it one day at a time.

[kherriot]

I did keep a picture of what he took and it is on my cell phone so I will look at it when I want a drink. I also took a selfie of my black eye which will help as well. Thanks ABC

[Samstone]

Welcome KH, glad you are here. It is a great forum for support. Here's a link you might find helpful to read when the demon starts trying to tell you to have just one:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/showthread.php?24253-Tool-box

Also I highly recommend Allen Carr's book: Easy Way to Stop Drinking.

Busying yourself stopping helps to stop, I found. Being pro active in stopping, for me, worked much better than the past of worrying whether I could ever have drink again.

ABC I believe hit the nail on the head about the scars. Glad you made it to the Newbie's Nest. Very good help there as well. Also, when I was first stopping, I made a daily dash over to the "Roll Call" in the "just starting" area. It felt good to see days of sobriety grow.

Hang in there (and here) and keep up the good work you've started, you won't be sorry.
Best to you
Sam

[MossRose]

Arnica will help with the external scars. You can get it at your local health food store. But it won't help with the internal scars. The only way to fix those is to quit drinking. It sounds like you are already on that page. Glad you are here. Keep posting.