First post - My Story

[LostAndFound]

Hello there.

It would be fair to say that I've had a more complex life than most. My life hasn't exactly gone as I would have planned.

I've always been a bit of a drinker. I started young, around age 14. it was common where I grew up so no one (including my parents) thought it was unusual. My Dad was/is an alcoholic. There was never any major drama at home, but he just wasn't there for me. My mother was (and still is) angry all the time. If you're from an alcoholic/codependent family, you know how it is.

I got married in my early twenties to the first woman who loved me. Had kids. Divorced 15 years later. Lots of dates and relationships. More kids (out of wedlock). Now married again with another kid.

Wine has always been my drink of choice. I suppose it was about 20 years ago that I first wondered if I had a drinking problem. That was the first time I drank a whole bottle of wine in one night (*gasp*). 10 years ago I had my first two-bottle night. About a month ago, I did the unthinkable and drank 4 whole bottles in one night. I woke up with my first hangover since I was a teenager and didn't drink the next day - my first "sober" night in at least 20 years.

That night I realized I had to quit. I looked back on my life and for the first time saw clearly the progression (or is it regression?) from having a beer or two a night in my teens and 20's to just recently drinking more in one night than would kill some people. While I didn't quit right then, I did quit 6 days ago on May 1.

So today is my 6th full day sober.

I've had a lot of time to think over the last few days. There are so many thoughts and so many emotions. So many regrets and so many doubts. I can see what a jerk I have been and I don't really know how to, or even if I should approach, making amends with people that I've treated like crap.

If anything, this sudden surge of emotions, ideas and thoughts is bolstering my will to stay strong and not drink again. But it can be overwhelming at times. I find myself crying at the drop of a hat. My mind is racing with how I can begin to make up for my failures and what seems like a thoroughly wasted life.

I suppose I should be thankful that physically I don't feel a desire to drink at all. Emotionally, part of me wants to numb myself down, but the fear of feeling like a failure the next morning is preventing me from doing that.

Anyway, I'm happy to have found this group. How have you all coped with the first few weeks?

LostAndFound

[available]

Hi lost

Your story sounds like so many on here. We start young and in control then at some stage we become alcoholics. Wow when did that happen? Well mine gradually became out of control but we cant take back our past, we can only try and move forward. Alcoholism is in my family, it killed my brother when he was 46, i figured i wasnt as bad as him so i would be ok and then the blackouts occurred, my health deteriorated.

I found mwo drunk one night in 2011 and now i have been sober over a year. My advice is to head to the newbies nest and introduce yourself, be gentle with yourself, eat what you want, nap when you can and realise that it takes time to rid your body of al. We have been putting this shite into our bodies for so many years and it takes time to heal. i watched a lot of youtube documentaries on alcohol and read on here. Pure grit and determination and making not drinking my highest priority was what got me to where i am today. Avoiding situations that involve al was also a must do. There is no point in tempting yourself by being around the stuff.

For me life is great now, i have never felt better and i know i will never drink again.

[Ginger999]

Hi Lost and Found,
Welcome to MWO. Glad you found the site. Like Ava said, go visit the Newbies Nest and introduce yourself. In my signature line you'll find a link to the Nest and to the Toolbox. You'll need a plan for when triggers come around and you can find some great tips in the Toolbox. There are a lot of long time quitters here that have shared their experience and tips to stay sober in the Toolbox.

I can't tell you this will be easy. It's anything but.... I felt worse than I ever have the first few weeks of my quit but thanks to this site and the support I found here I made it through. The key is to come here and post BEFORE you take that drink. When a trigger hits you and you want to drink come here first and tell us.

The freedom that you will feel when you stay quit is amazing. No more longing for that first drink of the day. No more late night runs to the store (when you shouldn't be driving) to get another bottle. No more saying no to a family event so you can stay home and drink instead. You will take back your power over AL and own your time again.

Stay close and read/post/read. You can do this and we can help!

[Pavati]

Hi, Lost and Found:

Yes, it does sound like a lot of stories around here. A gradual increase in the drinking until the realization that something's got to give.

Congratulations on your six days - we look forward to seeing you around here.

Pavati

[jane27]

Hi Lost & Found,
I'm glad you found the site and want to turn things around for yourself. The first weeks and months are hard- its like you are being tested or something. The addictive power of AL will sneak up on you in a million different costumes:
Come on! You did this all the time! This isn't a big deal!
Oh My God I had a stressful day. I need and deserve to drink. I can start this tomorrow.
One of the worst- the spontaneous out of body experience when someone asks what you'd like to drink and your answer glides out with no consideration, thought or conscience for your 'other' plan
The problem with all 3 is, "and then you're off to the races"
For me, seriously wanting to quit wasn't something in my control, like a book I could pull off a shelf if I felt like reading it. It took me the first attempt to realize this. I lasted 52 days then gradually drank harder than ever.
Things that helped me in the early days:
1) Log on here every day and interact- keep the message alight in your mind
2) Play the I don't drink record over and over again. Whether you say it out loud, or just in your head. It helps keep you honest.
3) Make it your number one priority, do as little as you possible can with regard to projects that are stress filled.
4) Think of ways you've killed precious time in the past while procrastinating and employ those same activities to keep yourself busy if a craving to drink occurs.
5) Decide you are not taking no for an answer. That you will do anything, NOT to drink. That may mean avoiding people, places, and social events you would normally attend tanked. It better to err on the side of caution.
6) Get it all out of your house.
7) Immerse yourself in MWO by posting and connecting with people who have been successful in their quits.

In the later says, I was drinking tequila WHILE driving on the way home from work. Wine bottles became a hassle to get rid of, so I instead used a glass of wine as an accessory. You can do this. We were all in your shoes at one time. Wishing you strength.

[Matt M.]

LostAndFoundHello there.

It would be fair to say that I've had a more complex life than most.

I have Good news about your issues being more complex than most! Pretty much everything you said, me too!

I've had a lot of time to think over the last few days. There are so many thoughts and so many emotions. So many regrets and so many doubts. I can see what a jerk I have been and I don't really know how to, or even if I should approach, making amends with people that I've treated like crap.

If anything, this sudden surge of emotions, ideas and thoughts is bolstering my will to stay strong and not drink again. But it can be overwhelming at times. I find myself crying at the drop of a hat. My mind is racing with how I can begin to make up for my failures and what seems like a thoroughly wasted life.
LostAndFound

Those first few days or weeks can be tough emotionally, I try to never forget that feeling, because I never want to go back. My darkest days have become my greatest assets!

All the guilt and remorse your are feeling is raw and real, for now my friend focus on getting yourself in a better mindset, a less foggy lense. Your ACTIONS will repair and make many of your amends without you saying a word!
You will know further down the road if you'll need to make personal amends, for now let your ACTIONS do the talking.
Log in here and read ,read and post.
Like my signature says, I can't do this by myself,
I try to hit my knees daily with the serenity prayer, and get on this site as many times a day as I can.

Stay Hard bro!

[LostAndFound]

Thanks everyone for your helpful and thoughtful posts!!

Today was a good day. A productive day at work, followed by a run, trip to the gym and a trip to the local supermarket for some essential groceries - my first trip since I stopped drinking. This used to be a daily trip for me to pick up wine. It felt very unusual (and strangely empowering) to arrive at the checkout with no wine in my basket. Didn't have to worry about running into someone I knew, hiding the wine, embarrassing myself at the checkout etc. etc.

A week ago, by now (11:30pm) I would be halfway through my drinking for the evening, and be absolutely no use to anyone. I'm very happy to report that I'm 100% sober and just getting ready to crawl into bed. Although, I have tons of energy, so I might just stay up and read for an hour or so.

Today is my 7th full day sober. I just realized I've saved around $100 so far in wine alone!

LostAndFound

[available]

Congrats lost on a whole damn week, a wonderful achievement for us drinkers. i tried to remember back in my drinking days to when i went a whole week and my memory bank could not go back that far. I had 5 bottleshops that i alternated between, god forbid anyone would think i had a drinking problem. Problem was i kept forgetting which shop i had been to the day before.

My favourite is to look at how many bottles of wine i have not consumed and as of today it is 1046 ++. That is just mind blowing to me as i was up to 2 bottles of wine daily and more on special occasions which could have been any excuse for another.

Keep going Lost, never become complacent in this journey and think it is okay to drink now as you have it under control, us alkies never have al under control. One drink for us is one too many.

Take care and keep up the good work.

[LostAndFound]

available -- that's too funny about forgetting which store you went to the night before. I used to rotate them too, but stopped for the same reason. About 5 years ago, I quit caring and started going to the same place every night. I'm sure they must all wonder how the heck I drank so much.

Another thing that used to be a daily ritual for me that I do not miss one bit - sneaking empties out into the trash!!

LostAndFound

[available]

Lost i used to think a $2.50 tasted like a $100 bottle although god forbid i would ever spend $100 on a bottle when with $100 i could buy more than enough to get me plastered for a few days. Its amazing how our al brain rationalises our drinking.

Oh the bin runs! I would send my boys to put bottles in the neighbours bin on recycle days and my bin was always the loudest.

You are bringing back the memories of why i dont drink, thank you!

[Byrdlady]

Prize Patrol here! Around here, 7 days AF scores you a full moon! :butt:
This is our salute for your conquering every day the week can throw at you! Here's to kicking AL's arse! The worst is behind you! GREAT job!!! Byrdie

[LostAndFound]

I was very proud of myself today!

One of the managers brought a few cases of beer into the office this afternoon, as is pretty common for a Friday. I was asked to go down and have a few beers with workmates. I was actually going to go and have one - just one - just to show myself I could. But then I thought for a moment and realized - I don't even WANT one.. I really don't! I DON'T WANT ANY AT ALL!! I still went down there and drank some Sprite, then went home early, very happy with myself :-)

Then a run in the sun and finally to the gym for a swim and sauna.

All-in-all, it's been a great week. Today is my 8th full day sober :happy2:

LostAndFound