Feeling down

[^Elle^]

I feel so lost and defeated - I tried and tried to NOT wanting to drink. I try to reason with myself that I can and must stop. And I fail... almost every single night. Why? why me? Why did I become an alcoholic? I was never a drinker or a partier until AFTER I had my kids and started drinking out of really wanting to make the world a little easier to handle. That was almost 8 years ago. My beautiful daughter will be eight in August... How did I become this person? And most importantly how do I re-wire my brain? I need to stop. I feel helpless and just a failure right now

Where do I pick up the pieces and try ONE MORE TIME. I need to stop drinking. PERIOD.

Elle

[NoSugar]

Hi, Elle

It sounds like your goal is to be done for good. A great place to receive support for that is in the Newbies Nest. There are people there at all stages of quitting. Feel free to ask any questions you have. It is a fairly busy thread so you should receive a response pretty quickly.

It feels overwhelming when you don't do in the evening what you rationally decided to do earlier in the day, doesn't it? The thing is, that part of your brain (the real Elle) isn't calling the shots later in the day when you just can't take it anymore, cave in (again!), and decide to drink. When that happens, the part of your brain that is responsible for survival and which has been rewired to think that alcohol is essential for life is in charge. Your rational brain can't overcome that any better than it can convince you never to eat again.

So, rationale you has to set up the situation so that your addicted brain can't trick you into feeling like you'll die without a drink. There are all sorts of ways to do that discussed in the Newbies Nest and the toolbox.

I hope today can be your last day 1. All the best, NS

[available]

Hi Elle and welcome. My drinking came in my childrens teenage years but looking back i got "blind" at least once or twice a week when the kids were little. The have turned out to be beautiful loving adults so i suppose i did something right. We can only do this one day at a time, change our routine. i used to go shopping before the bottle shops opened and when i walked in the door in the afternoon had a shower straight away as there was no way i was going out again. Its the little things we do that make a big difference. I always deserved a drink at the end of the day due to work, travel, stress, the sky was blue but after making the decision not to drink and being determined of this, i now love my coffee at the end of a day.

You can do this Elle and there is a wealth of support here

[Lavande]

Hello & welcome Elle!

Glad you found us & decided to hop on board. MWO is a good place, lots of support available here just for the asking
We all have different backgrounds & histories but one thing we have in common is a problem with AL.

My problem started more as a mid-life crisis sort of thing & lasted about 10 years. I was so sick & tired of being sick & tired I just knew it was time to quit. Actually, the birth of my first grandchild was my main motivation. I truly wanted to spend time with him but in a healthy & safe way. So I made a plan, got rid of all the wine & other spirits in the house & made a vow to never buy any more. That was 6+ years ago & I am one happy grandma! You can do it too

Stay close to MWO, drop in the Newbies nest thread for more support. We are only too happy to lend a hand!

Bets wishes on your journey!

Lav

[Samstone]

Hey Elle
glad you're here. Each of us has their reason why they want to quit, the common thing is what we want to quit: alcohol.

As Lav said, stay close to MWO, read, read, read. Get educated about what you dealing with.

Best to you
Sam

[peppersnow]

Hi Elle - first, welcome here! This is a wonderful place to be supported as you quit. I never thought I could do it, and I would not have made it without the help offered here. I also became an AL after my kids were born, but I didn't quit until my oldest left for college. You still have plenty of time to stop and be the mom to your kids that you want to be and someone they will remember sober. Please grab hold of that goal. I know that right now, in the beginning, it seems far off and maybe unattainable - and things might seem hopeless because of failed previous attempts. But all of had many failed previous attempts, until that one day when finally we didn't fail. That can be you! I'm excited you found MWO and hope you grab onto the help and support available here. You can do this!

[mama]

Hey Elle,

I totally understand everything you are saying. It seems that we are in the same boat. I am also back at Day 1. Glad to see you are back on here and posting. I too am sick & tired of waking up every morning miserable with guilt & worry about what I did last night. Everyday I wake up and say this is it, this is the day, and then I find a reason to drink. I usually blame it on being lonely (even though I have a hubby & 4 kids), stress (normal every day homework, errands, dinner), etc. But I know it is all just EXCUSES. I NEED to find a way to change.

mama

[lizker]

Elle this is a very motivating and life saving site with tons of support. From experience this disease is progressive, it only gets worse. I have had 2 opportunities to break free but blew it. I got up to 8 months one time with the help if this site. I am starting over after 6 months af, day 2 for me. Why don't we you and mama make this our last quit? It's not going to be easy but we can do this.

[^Elle^]

Y E S. I am on DAY 1 AGAIN - I want to stop drinking so bad! Let's do this ladies!!

[lizker]

Hope you stayed strong, sleep will be challenging the next few days, try chamomile tea, it really helps...day 3 here. Yesterday was rough but I didn't cave. I stay busy through out weekdays, after work I go straight to the gym which makes it easier as don't have time to think about drinking. Weekends are the most challenging. You gotta a plan in place?

[^Elle^]

Yes, same here - trying to stay super busy - I am using melatonin for sleeping and I had no issue sleeping at all. Day THREE TODAY!!!