Relationship help

[MossRose]

SL is absolutely correct. You spent 28 years making sure that he was ok. Now it's your turn. Spring, focus on yourself. If he feels bad about his choices, that's on him. You need to heal now. He should be helping you - but that would be in a perfect world. xx

I'm not going to lecture you on the drinking, but you know it's making things worse. You are in great emotional pain, so oblivion sounds like a nice place to visit. I did it too. But we both know better. It's too easy to make an error in judgment while drunk - a wayward text, an embarrassing FB post, or a drunken phone call - all regrettable. Plus, we feel like crap in the morning - spiritually and physically. I didn't get really strong until I learned to dump the wine down the drain. I owe that to the people here. They helped me get strong. Lean on them - as hard as you need to. They have big shoulders.

It sounds like you have a plan. Work it! Come here every night and post - maybe more than once if you need to. The Newbies Nest is a good place to stay connected. And, I'm always here if you need me. Be kind to yourself.

Moss

[scottish lass]

It is hard to talk about not drinking as I did drink my way through the initial pain and stress - looking back it did not make anything better at all, and made a lot worse. I would have got on much more efficiently if I had not chosen to hide in a bottle, but there was no way I was able to do that!
You sound so much stronger in regards to this than I was SS. I say yeah! Harness that and make it work!
I will be absent for a couple of weeks as I head home to see my family - I will so look forward to checking in and seeing how well you are doing...Sorry I won't be hear for you..

[Springstart]

Thanks everyone, it really means a lot to read your advice and kind words.
I haven't had a drink since Saturday now and I don't intend to. I know I have to look after myself and my children, even thought they're older they're living through this too.
I know drinking alcohol doesn't help and I've started to swim, dog walk, see friends and cook etc.
Thanks everyone
xx

[MossRose]

Good for you, Springstart. Keep doing the things you love, and eventually it will become your new normal. You are still at the beginning and that is rough, but I have faith in you. It takes time to heal.

My sons were 19 and 21 when the separation ended, and the divorce finally happened. In some ways, it was more difficult doing it at their ages. They were young adults with strong opinions. I worried terribly that as they were just launching into adulthood, they were learning all the wrong lessons about marriage and relationships. I didn't want them to think that divorce was acceptable, or that a good marriage was impossible. But I shouldn't have worried so much. They are both fine and in loving relationships.

But watch your children. They are more vulnerable than you can imagine, even if they are older. My sons and I talk about it now. But not so much back then. I was a drunk, so they couldn't talk to me. One more reason to toss the alcohol. Being able to help my sons heal has been priceless.

xx, Moss

[Springstart]

HI MossRose, I'm glad they came through it ok, and it has been really difficult for my children who are just 18 and 21, I know what you mean I've been worried about them and the effect its having on them. That's one reason why I'm so determined to stop drinking, my son still lives with me and I know he's suffered himself and suffered watching me suffer. I know alcohol is not the way to go anymore and I want to be there for him too. Tonight was nice because I got in late and whereas before I would have gone straight for a glass of wine to de stress I put the kettle on and made myself and my son a cup of tea and we had a chat. I know its doing him good, and he doesn't have to worry about me or the mood I'll get myself in.
Thanks for your support and good advice xx