I'm new and could use some friends

[NoSugar]

I hope you come back, Synergy. Almost all of the responses were welcoming and friendly. Most people don't have it all figured out the first time they post. If they did, they wouldn't want or need a support group!

Givng yourself 30 days AF is a great idea. The toxins will be out of your system and you'll be more able to evaluate your situation and make a clear-headed logical choice as to your next step.

I'm sorry I don't know anything about Topamax. There used to be a section of his forum about medication but it isn't very active. You could probably dig back in the archives for some guidance.

Do you have a plan for your first AF day? Any ideas for what you're going to do "instead"? The first few days are tricky but it sounds like you have several good reasons to get through them. I hope we can help you.

:welcome:

[synergy]

NoraC, it wasn't your post, I thought I was replying to the one prior to yours. It was the comment that she thought I was unwilling to quit drinking and that most people here abstain. I felt I was being judged for not being like her. Please understand that I'm emotional right now. I had a difficult weekend. I was trying to sign up on this sight for a couple days and couldn't get in. I need help getting through my first AF day (which I did not do today). I am having bad cravings and I drank a beer to get through that. I know that I need to quit. But it's hard for me right now. I'm looking for support. I hope thatwhen I get a few days sober behind me I can find my way more clearly.

[available]

Hi Synergy and welcome.

I so didnt want to stop drinking when i came on here. god just the thought of losing my best friend (alcohol) was enough to make me drink. i have now been 2 years sober. I wish i had stopped sooner but alas i was not ready. It is your choice and only yours to decide what is best for you. I would suggest the 30 days to give your body time to get rid of the al and see how you feel. I realised that at the end of the of my drinking career i was drinking 2 bottles everyday, i planned where to buy my al, i hid my al bottles, i was losing my children, i was losing my sense of self and also my health. I had to at least try and stop drinking AGAIN. I posted on the Newbies Nest like a lunatic, i read on here and watched youtube documentaries on alcoholism. I took it one minute, one hour and one day at a time.

Never lose Hope syn, you can beat al.

Take care

[Byrdlady]

Synergy, hope you are hanging in. When I first came here, I was scared and emotional, too. You will find an awful lot of us stick to what I eventually put in my signature line below....all you gotta do, is get thru THIS day! We can help, this place saves lives and I'm one of them! Grab hold, we won't let you down! Byrdie

[synergy]

Thanks Everyone! I'm feeling a bit better today, although I have this sinking feeling. In rereading the posts, there is a theme, and that's to just get through 1 day AF. When I think about 30 days I feel overwhelmed. I don't know what to expect. So I plan to get through this first day and start again tomorrow. My plan for this evening will be to start a craft project to keep me busy. And visit this forum.

[Dutch1988]

Synergy welcome to the forum! You can always share your thoughts on here. I would consider myself a sensitive person for sure, and although every now and then someone unintentional says something that strikes a chord, it almost always comes from a place of charity and wanting to give back to the forum that helped them straighten out their lives. For me the big thing was getting a few weeks down. You got the right idea, share your thoughts and someone will almost always give you a hand. Good luck!

[Byrdlady]

That sounds like a good plan! I am a crafting fool, what project are you going to take on tonight? I enjoy knitting and beaded jewelry, but then earlier this year, I started doing cake and cookie decorating, and I just LOVE it. I'd have never done all these things had I still been drinking like I was!

We just take it a day at a time around here! Don't worry so much about the 30 days, today is what counts!! Then rinse and repeat tomorrow....somehow, it works out! B

[All done drinking]

Hi Synergy,

It's always best to break things down into little pieces. As Byrdie says, "All you gotta do, is get thru this day." So true. I am cutting and pasting an old thread that I shared with folks a long time ago. Like you, I came here not really wanting to quit drinking (FORVER!) which sounded so scary. Like you, I knew I had a problem that was interfering with my life and was fearful how friends and loved ones perceived me the times I drank out of control. The fact that this wasn't an abstinent only place helped me as there are abstinent only online sites so I found comfort in the fact that I could believe I could moderate and take baby steps toward possibly completely quitting. This article shares why the 30 days AF is important for folks to try and achieve. Then after 30 days they re-evaluate where they are at, how they feel, etc. and many feel so good without alcohol in their systems, that they easily choose to remain abstinent. Take it one day at a time (like the rest of us) and you will feel your way as to what works best for you. I personally did try to moderate for way too long. Reintroducing that alcohol into my system only kept the horrible cravings alive. For me now, life is so much better to just say no today, and every day. You will find your way too Synergy. Here is my old post.

If you peruse various recovery sites, you will probably find a common statement that 30 days of abstinence is recommended before you attempt to moderate your drinking (if moderation is your goal rather than abstinence).
I would like to explain the rationale for this. Every time you drink alcohol your body begins to build tolerance. The frequency with which you drink, the amount you drink, the age at which you began drinking and your family history, all affect how fast your tolerance will grow. When you build up a higher tolerance it becomes difficult for your body to gage what is normal and you may end up consuming too much. Most people who try to moderate their use without lowering tolerance do not find much success. You will also probably discover that you sleep better, feel better, and you will become more aware of what other activities (other than drinking) that you enjoy when you are not focused on that drink in your hand.

Before we begin day 1, let’s look at a few things that may help jumpstart the decision to give 30 days abstinence a try:
• Evaluate the upside and downside of continued use. Make a list of the reasons you might want to continue use and why you want to quit. Weigh both sides.
• Avoid the people, places, and things; that may trigger your use. If you find yourself in a risky environment, be prepared to respond assertively, don’t make excuses, and be willing to leave immediately if necessary
• Decide whether you are ready to sacrifice immediate gratification for more long term benefits and goals.
• Make a commitment to quitting. Make your decision public with people who will support and respect you and your confidentiality.
• Have confidence that you can deal effectively with the situations you face and that you can accomplish the goals that you pursue.

For today:
1. Remember the positive payoff for success
2. Reward yourself at the end of the day.
3. Relax and smell the roses along the way. (submitted by Freefly)
4. Be patient with yourself. (submitted by Drinkingal)
Think about plans you can make today that don’t include excuses to allow yourself a drink.

“Promises to ourselves will always
materialize if we work for them.”


Good luck Synergy. We'll all be here, one day at a time with you.

All done drinking...Yes! (Addy)

[KENSHO]

Welcome Synergy! So glad you are here! And kudos to you for tackling this issue - it isn't easy. But it is doable! When I first came here over a year ago, I was desperate to stop, but still only beginning to understand my problem with alcohol. It is a journey! But people here are wonderful supports and have so much information! I began by reading a lot in the "toolbox" (link at the bottom of Byrdlady's signature). From there, I put together a "plan" that got me through the first couple of weeks - and beyond. My plan included eat when hungry (especially when craving), sleep when tired, have an alcohol substitute in my hands most times, and go easy on myself. Everyone finds things that help them - and lots of people can offer great advice! There is truly no substitute for the clarity and perspective you gain from being 30 days alcohol free!

[Starfish1]

Welcome, Syn! We are so glad you found us! This is a great support family. You can do this one day at a time! Please join us in the newbies nest.

[synergy]

Thanks Addy! And thanks everyone else! I have been reading a lot of posts the past couple days. I have been AF for 2 days now and this site has definitely helped me with that. My husband is awesome and is being very supportive and helpful too. I think it would be so much harder if he wasn't. It's Friday! That usually means get off work and drink day no matter what. I'm setting my intentions now that I can go to dinner after work today and order a pretty, fruity non-AL drink and enjoy waking up on Saturday morning with a clear head! �� have a great day everyone!

[synergy]

The ?? was supposed to be a smiley face! Guess I need more practice on posting to this forum! Ha!

[Byrdlady]

I'm setting my intentions now that I can go to dinner after work today and order a pretty, fruity non-AL drink and enjoy waking up on Saturday morning with a clear head! �� have a great day everyone!

Congrats on the 2 big days you have in the bank!
I had to chuckle at the sentence above. While I am a card-carrying alkie, I am also value conscience! When I look at the beautiful, fruity drinks on the cocktail menu and they want 8 or 9 bucks for them with NO AL, well, my cheap side kicks in....then my calorie counter jumps out and says, HOLY MOLY, that drink must have 200 calories, do you know what else you could have for that? So I usually end up ordering water with lime (to be different, ha!) and apply that 9 dollars and/or 200 calories to a bite of someone's dessert! Funny how my priorities changed when the AL was removed from the equation!

Last but not least, my bladder isn't what it used to be, drinking all those fruity drinks made me run to the bathroom 2 or 3 times during the night. UGG. Getting old isn't for sissies!! Bahahaha!

Check in and let us know how it goes! We are pulling for you! Byrdie

[All done drinking]

Thanks Addy! And thanks everyone else! . It's Friday! That usually means get off work and drink day no matter what.

When I first came here Synergy, like you and many others, I knew I had a problem, but just wasn’t quite ready to make that commitment to quit. As I look back, I personally feel I wasted a lot of time deluding myself because I kept reintroducing alcohol into my system which never made the alcohol craving behavior extinct. For years I would white knuckle it as I tried to force myself to not have more than two drinks when I went out. The problem was, I had a faulty shut off valve, I could control things sometimes, but not all of the time. The scary part was, I never knew when I could control it and when I couldn’t. However, finding MWO, allowed me to find my own path in my own time. I have finally chosen abstinence after working very hard for 7 years trying to “control” my drinking. I guess that’s why they call it a cunning and baffling disease as it can fool the person who has it for the longest time thinking they don't have it.

I was a “binge drinker”. I would usually wait all week and then salivate like Pavlov’s dogs at the mention of Friday or Saturday because those were my big allowable nights to drink. As time went on however, an excuse would come up to drink on Wednesday (a girl party) or to drink on Thursday with a mad desire to eat out (so I could have a glass of wine). Bit by bit and inch by inch, the drinking increased, the goal of no more than two eluded me, and I stooped to lows of sneaking drinks on weeknights when hubby and sons had no clue I was drinking. The single bottle of wine in a coffee cup, doing ironing downstairs away from everyone so no-one could see I was drinking, things like that.

You will determine your own way here as you read threads, etc. The important thing for now, is to try to obtain those 30 days of sobriety. See what it feels like to get good sleep without alcohol wrecking your REM sleep. See how it feels to have more energy in the morning, to get things done without a hangover, to figure out what to do with your time (hobbies, interests, etc.) when all of your time isn’t spent being hung over or thinking about the next drink.

The hardest nights for me were Fridays and Satursdays as those were the two nights hubby knew I would be (gag me with a spoon to say this but)…rewarding myself with drinking. So , those nights were really hard for me to abstain in the beginning. Someone shared a statement that resonated with me, and I want to share it with you to help you get through tonight and tomorrow. Remember that Fridays and Saturdays are just DAYS, not a pass to drink. A craving will never last as long as a hangover, and you'll never wake up wishing you had drunk the night before.


We're here for you. Here's to an abstinent Friday night.

All Done Drinking...Yes! (Addy)

[Starfish1]

Sounding good, Syn!!! Just keep that "Clear Head" image front and center!!! Also, the enjoyment of waking up Saturday morning with no guilt, shame or remorse. It's very important in the early days (Heck, ANY day) to play it through to the end. If you start romanticizing the thought of having a REAL drink this evening, just remember how horrible you will feel in the morning. No one and I mean NO ONE EVER wakes up in the morning wishing they had gotten drunk the night before :no:

Protect your quit like it was gold!