Stuck and struggling

[abcowboy]

Idef, you can do it, we can help!!

[All done drinking]

Liz said it all very well but I'll add my 2 cents also. Relapse not only helps us determine what our weaknesses are so we can avoid the trap again, but it also helps remind others how easy it is to relapse and puts us on guard (we hope) as everyone is only 1 drink away from a relapse.

I like Liz's "day 1 is better than day 0." So true. Come on back to the roll call and let's just keep tacking on days.

~Addy

[Pavati]

As NS would say, think about what went wrong and sharpen a tool in your arsenal against AL. What might you try differently this time so that doesn't happen.

Stick close here, and most certainly rely on us for support - next time try BEFORE you drink. With so many time zones, there's usually someone about...

Pav

[ssd858]

Idf - what brought it on? Did you go out to a restaurant or were you at home?
For my first week I ate at home exclusively, mostly due to lack of energy. This last weekend
I went to an art class that lasted longer than I expected and by the time it was over I was
so hungry. We went out to a Mexican restaurant and the desire for a drink was huge! I really
had not expected that.

Let us know what brought on your slip.

[All done drinking]

Let us know what brought on your slip.

If you have a comfort level to share, it always helps others to know what circumstances happened that made you feel tempted enough to drink. It's a learning curve for everyone. I know others were interested to know why I threw in the towel after many years of trying to moderate. Just helps others to know what went on for folks so they can get stronger in their resolve to quit.

~Addy

[idefineme]

"it always helps others to know what circumstances happened that made you feel tempted enough to drink. It's a learning curve for everyone. I know others were interested to know why I threw in the towel after many years of trying to moderate. Just helps others to know what went on for folks so they can get stronger in their resolve to quit."

I think in part this is exactly what made me feel tempted enough to drink. It's the desire to please everybody else. But I know that's impossible. That's enough for now. Good night all :heartbeat:

[All done drinking]

I think in part this is exactly what made me feel tempted enough to drink. It's the desire to please everybody else. But I know that's impossible. That's enough for now. Good night all :heartbeat:

abcowboy was addressing someone else in a post but it reminded me of you. Could have been written for you because he was addressing quitting for ourselves, and not for others. Go to: https://www.mywayout.org/community/ju...ml#post1644478. This line seemed most fitting " So until I was quitting as much if not more for myself rather than for others, I was leaving the door to drinking open."


~Addy

[Baclofenman]

Hi I Define Me (Like the moniker btw)

I read your story this morning as I see you have been on the nest roll call but not posted - Maybe you post at the end of the day which is cool

Did you ever take the antabuse?

Regards my fellow new starter


Bacman

[idefineme]

Hi Bac. Thank you for asking! I did start Antabuse on the 1st of the year after considering it for a half year (I joined this forum in June which is where I originally brought up my question about Antabuse). I'm "active" here, but really just doing check-ins for a variety of reasons. I'm going through the motions by not drinking and that's about all I can do at the moment. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, I think it's just where I'm at atm.

I'll be back later today with my experiences so far with antabuse. It has given me some food for thought that I find interesting, and perhaps others will as well.

Stay strong and vigilant today!

[Baclofenman]

Hi Bac. Thank you for asking! I did start Antabuse on the 1st of the year after considering it for a half year (I joined this forum in June which is where I originally brought up my question about Antabuse). I'm "active" here, but really just doing check-ins for a variety of reasons. I'm going through the motions by not drinking and that's about all I can do at the moment. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, I think it's just where I'm at atm.

I'll be back later today with my experiences so far with antabuse. It has given me some food for thought that I find interesting, and perhaps others will as well.

Stay strong and vigilant today!

I will...

Yes please - I am interested in all stories, not just Baclofen - Contary to some opinion I am here looking for help, I am not blindfolded

Regards


Bacman

[idefineme]

keep on staying true to yourself, Bac. You're doing great! BBL

[idefineme]

More than anything I have felt for a long time that I just need to stop drinking for just 30 days. I’ve been trying for many moons, but I can't seem to make it stick and I got tired of the cycle, so I started Antabuse the 1st of the year. Given that I toyed with the idea of talking to my doctor about the prescription (that was not easy!) for a good half year or better, and then another half year to actually start taking it, it was not a decision that I took lightly. On the other hand, perhaps my not taking it was just a way to leave the door open to keep on drinking.

I’ve been concerned about some of the side effects, especially when it comes to certain foods and personal hygiene products (vinegars, perfumes, sauces, etc). So far salad dressings and sauces have been a non-issue. Just yesterday I spritzed my face with a facial toner and half my face busted out in a rash, so I now know without question that it’s doing what it’s supposed to do, and that I need to be a little more careful around skin products.

From a psychological perspective taking Antabuse has been both helpful and interesting. I’ve never really been able to grasp the argument that alcoholism is a disease. I have an easier time accepting the idea of an AV. I can relate more to the idea that alcoholism is a sort of alter-ego (NOT a character defect, no!), it makes more sense to me. Having not suffered many consequences for my drinking over the decades I believe makes my quit more difficult. I believe not having an SO makes my quit more difficult. (I just edited “the quit” to be “my quit” to link it to me and my experience, because I do not believe for a minute that one size fits all). For these reasons and probably more I believe my AV is very loud and even feels entitled. The Antabuse has proven helpful so far by removing the internal argument that so many of us struggle with. I simply CAN’T drink unless I want to suffer some not very pleasant consequences.

What I find interesting is that being on Antabuse has kind of given me the ability to view AV more from a third-person kind of perspective. It has NOT rendered AV silent as I thought it would. AV is NOT gone, AV still has her voice, and AV does still have influence. A week ago I was very aware that AV was PISSED OFF for not being in charge! AV wanted a drink and was VERY upset that she wasn’t able to! I’ve always been kind of cut off from my feelings, and I believe that this is giving me the ability to observe the feelings that AV has always tried to shield me from. That realization alone is eye-opening to me. Yesterday was another difficult day, still angry, but more of a withdrawn, sulking child who doesn’t get what she wants kind of angry. Not a brat, but a frustrated child that wants to be heard and listened to but feels as though she is not.

In my case with the help of Antabuse what I’m learning is that I don’t think AV is out to destroy me or hurt me (I don’t think anybody’s AV is out to destroy or hurt them). I think AV is a small but very important part of me (us) that is doing what it knows how to do best, as dysfunctional as it may be, which is to protect us from experiencing our shit feelings. It’s not trying to hurt us, it’s trying to help us, it’s trying to preserve us. It’s trying to keep those feelings at bay because we either don’t know or don’t think we know how to manage them and their intensity, and that scares AV! AV also knows that we need to get through and survive another day and AV wants to help, and has discovered over the years that booze is a GREAT way to suppress these scary, shitty feelings and is more than happy to do the job in order to help the whole system slide into home at the end of the day.

I’ve always rolled my eyes at the whole “child within” psychology, but I’m discovering on my journey that we can actually learn a lot about ourselves if we listen to that part of us. If I think of my AV as a child that is having difficulty coping (some people would call it “lashing out”), I can learn how to listen to that part of myself with love and compassion. My adult self can learn to take up the reins and act accordingly. Not to “give in” to AVs demands since they are not helpful or healthy, but to listen to its fears and discomforts and try to address them. Try to respect AV’s feelings and figure out what would help AV feel listened to and heard.

And that’s pretty much where I’m at right now. For me, I think my theory is spot on and I’m going to roll with it for now. I’m going to try to address those feelings that scare AV and make her uncomfortable. Frankly, it doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun and if I’m honest it sounds scary. But I think until some of those issues are addressed and my inner child feels more confident that I will remain an active alcoholic whether I’m drinking or not.

I don’t believe Antabuse is for everybody, but I’m presently finding it to be a pretty helpful tool for me. Thanks again for asking, Bac, you made me put it down in words which I think is always helpful.

[starty]

Hi Idefineme its good to see you and also interesting to read your post. Thank you for taking the time to write it. You are right in that every quit / battle is different for each individual and it is great to see you have found some sense of peace with your realisation.

[paulywogg]

Great post Idef

[Baclofenman]

More than anything I have felt for a long time that I just need to stop drinking for just 30 days. I’ve been trying for many moons, but I can't seem to make it stick and I got tired of the cycle, so I started Antabuse the 1st of the year. Given that I toyed with the idea of talking to my doctor about the prescription (that was not easy!) for a good half year or better, and then another half year to actually start taking it, it was not a decision that I took lightly. On the other hand, perhaps my not taking it was just a way to leave the door open to keep on drinking.

I’ve been concerned about some of the side effects, especially when it comes to certain foods and personal hygiene products (vinegars, perfumes, sauces, etc). So far salad dressings and sauces have been a non-issue. Just yesterday I spritzed my face with a facial toner and half my face busted out in a rash, so I now know without question that it’s doing what it’s supposed to do, and that I need to be a little more careful around skin products.

From a psychological perspective taking Antabuse has been both helpful and interesting. I’ve never really been able to grasp the argument that alcoholism is a disease. I have an easier time accepting the idea of an AV. I can relate more to the idea that alcoholism is a sort of alter-ego (NOT a character defect, no!), it makes more sense to me. Having not suffered many consequences for my drinking over the decades I believe makes my quit more difficult. I believe not having an SO makes my quit more difficult. (I just edited “the quit” to be “my quit” to link it to me and my experience, because I do not believe for a minute that one size fits all). For these reasons and probably more I believe my AV is very loud and even feels entitled. The Antabuse has proven helpful so far by removing the internal argument that so many of us struggle with. I simply CAN’T drink unless I want to suffer some not very pleasant consequences.

What I find interesting is that being on Antabuse has kind of given me the ability to view AV more from a third-person kind of perspective. It has NOT rendered AV silent as I thought it would. AV is NOT gone, AV still has her voice, and AV does still have influence. A week ago I was very aware that AV was PISSED OFF for not being in charge! AV wanted a drink and was VERY upset that she wasn’t able to! I’ve always been kind of cut off from my feelings, and I believe that this is giving me the ability to observe the feelings that AV has always tried to shield me from. That realization alone is eye-opening to me. Yesterday was another difficult day, still angry, but more of a withdrawn, sulking child who doesn’t get what she wants kind of angry. Not a brat, but a frustrated child that wants to be heard and listened to but feels as though she is not.

In my case with the help of Antabuse what I’m learning is that I don’t think AV is out to destroy me or hurt me (I don’t think anybody’s AV is out to destroy or hurt them). I think AV is a small but very important part of me (us) that is doing what it knows how to do best, as dysfunctional as it may be, which is to protect us from experiencing our shit feelings. It’s not trying to hurt us, it’s trying to help us, it’s trying to preserve us. It’s trying to keep those feelings at bay because we either don’t know or don’t think we know how to manage them and their intensity, and that scares AV! AV also knows that we need to get through and survive another day and AV wants to help, and has discovered over the years that booze is a GREAT way to suppress these scary, shitty feelings and is more than happy to do the job in order to help the whole system slide into home at the end of the day.

I’ve always rolled my eyes at the whole “child within” psychology, but I’m discovering on my journey that we can actually learn a lot about ourselves if we listen to that part of us. If I think of my AV as a child that is having difficulty coping (some people would call it “lashing out”), I can learn how to listen to that part of myself with love and compassion. My adult self can learn to take up the reins and act accordingly. Not to “give in” to AVs demands since they are not helpful or healthy, but to listen to its fears and discomforts and try to address them. Try to respect AV’s feelings and figure out what would help AV feel listened to and heard.

And that’s pretty much where I’m at right now. For me, I think my theory is spot on and I’m going to roll with it for now. I’m going to try to address those feelings that scare AV and make her uncomfortable. Frankly, it doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun and if I’m honest it sounds scary. But I think until some of those issues are addressed and my inner child feels more confident that I will remain an active alcoholic whether I’m drinking or not.

I don’t believe Antabuse is for everybody, but I’m presently finding it to be a pretty helpful tool for me. Thanks again for asking, Bac, you made me put it down in words which I think is always helpful.

Hi I define me

Many thanks for your post

Sorry I am new, on the fora' so I do not know your story other than you and I are compatriates in days in the nest roll call

I had never heard of Antabuse before I joined this forum but I have now done some research. As you know I have started my journey with Baclofen - Have you tried this? - If, as has happened to many before me I fail I will certainly be looking for other options

I am sooo glad with your progress and sooo want us to get to 30 days together and bearing in mind we take different drugs, will make it the more interesting

Now the Antabuse - The side effects including the additional perils of consequential involvement with Al based product would make me very wary - The fact that it makes you sick, puffs your face up, can cause seizures, loss of coordination and jaundice - amongst others would worry me - Oh yes of course, Baclofen has some or even all of these SE to some people so It may just as "bad" I have reservations that going red and being sick is not going to not, make me try? - I give into temptation very easilly

What I am trying to say is that different drugs work different people - Thats another thing I have learnt from this forum

I love the honesty you have shown in this post, in fact having read through you post list I can see there is a sensitive person in their - Just maybe that you (like us all) trip up every now and again

Idef - Keep up this good work - PM me when you need to and between us we will beat this fucking shit together

Best Wishes, my friend



Bacman